Revealed

Taking It Back

2007-01-28T22:04:00.000+08:00

I am in the process of Taking It Back.
I'm taking back MY blog.
Weee!!! I'll be using this blog again coz I need to have a blog for POS70. I was suppose to make a new one but I realized I have this one, albeit it's not active, and it hasn't been since ummm...shocks I can't even remember anymore... 1st year?! no! 2nd year! .. I think... Anyway, I decided to resurrect it from the doldrums of my idle hands and mind... Coz you know what they say about idle hands and mind... So instead of going through the hassle of racking my brain to find another design for this little space of the web that I call my own or risk being the devil's plaything, I decided to reactivate this one instead.
After all, I don't see any reason why I can't use what's mine. Right?
I'm not sure yet if I'm going to change the lay out or whatever.. I'll see.. If I find the time maybe I'll come back and tweak a few things here and there. Or if I get lucky and suddenly find my calendar empty (ha! I wish!) I might do an overhaul of the whole thing to celebrate this unforeseen resurrection.
Either way, I'm just informing my friends and followers who's still pathetically viewing this blog that yes, I will be writing in it again.

I'm back! And I'm back with vengeance!

WELCOME BACK TO MY WORLD

...where I am always right and I rule...

-This is my vanity signing off... (or is it signing back in?)...
...More to come in the days of MY LIFE. (1478)

I don't always know what I'm talking about..but I KNOW I'm right.

Quick but Long Update

2005-10-24T16:41:00.000+08:00

I am bored out of my friggin mind!!!!! Aaaahhhhh!!!!! I'm in my mom's office drearily awaiting for 6 PM when I can go home and watch decent TV and go back to my mind numbing bumming (aka "the good life" ).

I miss school... not the workload, mind you! But the driving (sometimes discouraging) purpose and structure of a goal-oriented routine.

I miss fattening fastfood junk. The pollution. The coffee!!!! The endless miles of walking. The futility of looking for an Ateneo trike when you actually need them. The interesting Pol Sci topics. The knowledgeable teachers. The stupid bell. The more stupid teachers. But most of all...I miss the people!!!!

I miss my friends, my blockmates, my dormmate, my roommate, my orgmates, Him...hell! I even miss Spiderman...or not!!!!

Haaayyy....
Over all, if I were to evaluate the whole sem...it was great! I got a lot of blessings, tons of new friends, reconnected with the old ones, didn't do so bad in Acads (though I couldn't say the same bout Filipino and History), discovered a liking for my course and got a more than welcomed surprise. All in all I got more than I expected..and then some! And I am happy! But... this happiness also scares me.

Someone smart (or probably just a skeptic who got lucky and got published) once said... there are two great tragedies in life: one is not reaching your goal and the other is attaining it.

What scares me is the thought that my second sem won't go as well as my first. What if I never experience this again?!

I mean come on! If this slip of nature/luck/destiny didn't happen, can you imagine ME!?!?!
.... Being good friends with people outside my block?!
....Getting good marks despite a fairly active "night" life well, at least, compared to my NON EXISTENT one before.
....Taking only two final tests out of all my seven subjects this sem.
....Getting allowed to go to Batangas for THREE days with my orgmates which also happens to include my boyfriend.
.... Introducing him to my family (mother, 2 grandmoters & sisters)!
.... Making peace with my past issues and moving past the quagmire which held me for a long time!!!!!!

sooo unreal right?! I know! I should be happy right?! And I am! Extremely! But I am also scared!

What if I would just keep on trying to relive this sem and miss out coz I keep expecting something more than I can achieve?! What if it's like one of those once in a lifetime experiences?!

But what's really more scary for me, is if I do the same or even better than I did a couple of months ago. I am not stupid to think that I can/will always be on top of things. I know I'm bound to go down and experience being at the bottom of the wheel at some point or another. So at times like this, the ever present cynic in me thinks the "gloomy" ones are luckier: they know for sure that better things will come coz as an unbreakable rule of thumb, when you hit rock-bottom there is nowhere else to go but up....

As for me, all I can do is store as much memories as I can. Have as much fun as possible! ...So that when I start to plunge down into the ground again, I have these memories to cushion and break my free fall.

It's not really the falling I'm afraid of...it's the landing that usually sucks.
No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

MOVING FORWARD

2005-09-16T17:01:00.000+08:00

There is a huge difference between moving on and moving forward.

When God closes a door... he will open the roof!

Every great chapter has to end...so you can look back and be proud to have read it.

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MOVING ON

2005-09-15T20:30:00.000+08:00

I am incredibly happy. This is a bookmark. Yes, I have indeed moved on and this time it was not because I was supposed to but because I wanted to.

Happy Birthday LUISZA!

I know, I got your birthday wrong the first time! My mistake! Sorry! Hehe. Love you! ^_^

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COOL

2005-09-14T15:09:00.000+08:00

Gwen Steffani
It's hard to remember how it felt before

Now I found the love of my life

Passes things, get more comfortable

Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles

It's good to see you now with someone else

And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends

After all that we've been through

I know we're cool

I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible

Now you call me by my new last name

Memories seem like so long ago

Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard

The dreaming days where the mess was made

Look how all the kids have grown, oh

We have changed but we're still the same

After all that we've been through

I know we're cool

I know we're cool

Yeah, I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you

If you can be happy for me

Circles and triangles

And now we're hanging out with your new girlfriend

So far from where we've been

I know we're cool

I know we're cool

C-cool, I know we're cool

I know we're cool

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MONDAY

2005-09-05T11:08:00.000+08:00

In connection with my earlier post. It was an essay that I made for En 12. I happen to unearth it so I decided to post. Wala lang! Trip!

Moving On...

This is an eventful day because

#1. Taking into consideration my skin color, I found out that I could blush. Awww... thanks hon! (",) and

#2. Today is the day of the baranggay "hearing"

Remember my neighbor!?!?? That paranoid as**o** who thinks everyone is out to get him!??!? Haayyy...naku! Wait, checking lang ha. He can't really sue me for libel right?!? (especially if I don't mention that his name is A____ A_______?!) Whoops! did I just really nearly write that!?!? </br> I prefer not to post his name because I honestly don't doubt the extent of his paranoia. I wouldn't put it past him to search his name on the net and I'm also pretty sure he would do everything in his power and use any means possible to get us. (But if you're really intrested to know, i can text you the answer ;p)

I swear that guy is soooooo.... infuriating! When I say he's paranoid, I really do think he has a serious problem. I mean come on! He thinks when I pass by his house, I purposely make his dog which is inside his house bark! For crying out loud! What the heck would I get if I make his dog bark!??! His dog isn't even cute!

He also says that the alarm clock in our room wakes him up every morning. Oookay! That would have been a sort of understandable claim if only we have an alarm clock to begin with,which by the way we don't have! He's saying we intentionally let it endlessly ring every morning and it only turns itself off when he goes outside his house! Come on! What does he think?! Our alarm has a sensor that gets triggered when he goes out!?!? Sheesh!

This guy should really consider seeing a shrink! I mean last summer, he even came up with this whacked up theory that there's an underground tunnel below his house which thieves used to get in his house and rob him! He said, when he came home he found one of the upstairs bedroom door unlocked so he was convinced he was robbed. There was an investigation blah,blah, blah but in the end the police told him he just probably forgot to lock the door because not only was there no sign of forced entry but there was also nothing missing!!!! Did he listen?!?! Of course not! He still insisted that the police should investigate to find the tunnel used to enter his house. Last I heard, he is now convinced that it wasn't the tunnels that the robbers used but the "passage" connecting all the apartment roofs. Not only that, he seems to think the maids have something to do with it! Sheesh! And please, please don't even get me started on the wife...grrr!

Anyway, at least everything was "settled" amicably if you disregard the fact that he told my dormates to warn me of my actions since he apparently thinks I do everything just to infuriate him. Haayy...if he's waiting to get a reaction out of me, he is sadly mistaken.

One of the things I hate, is to give people the satisfaction of seeing me react the way they want me to, most especially if it gives them a sense of "power" over me. Either I try my damnest not to show any reaction at all or I show the opposite one. ( Unless you count instances when I couldn't help it like earlier that morning ;) ) So if he wants to see me scared, hah! Ask anyone, I am a generally peace loving person but if you accuse me of doing something I did not do and expect me to say sorry, asa! I won't deny I will be scared and worried about a complaint against me but if I know I'm innocent and the claims are groundless, sus! See if I care.

But, using his own words, (did I mention he likes to throw the fact that we're from Ateneo on our faces) since I am an "Atenean of the highest order" and since my mother raised me well, I will respect my elders.

So I am now currently putting all my efforts in avoiding that deluded psycho and his domineering wife... this will be so much fun!

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R-I-Z-S-A

2005-09-03T15:37:00.000+08:00

Having a self-identity and actually knowing it is probably the simplest yet most complicated thing to have and achieve. I know that “know yourself” sounds easy enough to follow but it is actually a very challenging process. What makes it complicated the fact that one’s persona is not only composed of one dimension but several ones. Everything around you largely affects who you are inside. You may not know it but your beliefs, your aspirations and most specially your experiences actually define you more than the letters written in the document proving your birth.

I have come to this conclusion because I have realized that the things in my I am and I am not list are probably the reasons why I have or have not done certain activities in my life, not to mention that these things also account for my knowledge (or the lack of thereof) on certain subjects. For example, since I am a bookworm, over the years I have amassed quite a number of books. Because I have read the works of different authors, I can say that I know Anne Rice is a gifted writer of preternatural stories. Had I not been a bookworm, I wouldn’t have read the Vampire Chronicles so I would probably have never heard of Anne Rice. On the other hand, since I am not a criminal, I have never killed anybody so I wouldn’t know how they could sleep at night as if they didn’t do anything wrong. With these examples it is clear that who we are defines our personality. It is the reason why we like certain things, why we reacted the way that we did or why we made these decisions. Basically, our identity is comprised of anything and everything that makes us different from other people starting from the way we think, down to the trivial quirks and mannerisms that we have. But then I ask what makes us who we are? How do we come by these things that sets us apart from the pack?

In my case, I think my religion, my education and my nationality greatly affects my personality. First off, being a Catholic doesn’t only define my faith but my values and sensibilities as well. Like most Filipinos I was brought up putting a lot of stock on my family, my morality, my integrity etc. and I think it shows (hopefully) in my values as a human being. Though I’m certainly not claiming to be a devout Christian, I know that the One who created me wants me to be the best person I could be so that’s what I try to do in all my actions and decisions. I always try take the high road and do what I think is proper in God’s eyes because that is what I believe is right. The next factor that has a huge impact on me is probably my nationality which translates to the society I am part of. The society is a major contributor because it dictates what is acceptable in its eyes and it establishes the values that its constituents have. I can personally attest to this because I see myself as an example of a proverbial society “sheep”. In everything I do I always take into consideration what other people would say or think about me. My sense of right or wrong, the things that I give importance to and even my perception of beauty is due to my society’s influence. I pattern my standards based on the standards that the society has so I really am in a sense, defined by the people around me. Lastly, having spent quite a number of years of my life in St. Paul, Manila Science and now in Ateneo studying, I think I can say that these esteemed institutions have imparted in me considerable knowledge. The knowledge and wisdom they gave me would ultimately lead me to realize my dreams and help me make something out of myself. They provided me with the tools I can use to make my niche in the world so they are definitely a huge factor in making me, who I am and who I will be.

Centuries ago someone once asked, what’s in a name. Now I ask the same thing, what is so special about it? Isn’t r-i-z-s-a merely a combination of letters? Can’t we see that without the factors that give it substance and identity, it would be as good as n-o-t-h-i-n-g.

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UPDATES

2005-09-02T12:50:00.000+08:00

Hmm... it's already a new month so new entry! what's been happening?! well, let's see.
BUT FIRST
I want to give a shout out to september celebrants HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
4- Raenaire
5- Tita Con Con & Riel
6- Papa
7- Mike
9- Luisza
17- Karl
18- Mic

Sorry to those I forgot I'll try to post as soon as I remember your birthday. (",)
Just like the political issues in our country, I too have my own issues:
#1 The Paranoid Neighbor
We found out the other day that our neighbor is filing a complaint against us in the baranggay. That person! Grr... i'll continue this some other time.

According to my horoscope on Chalk magazine this is a good time to do what I have been planning to do and tell my friends (actually everyone) about it hmmm.... is this a sign?!
Yes, things will happen this month but will it be for the best or worst?!
Well... I' ll soon find out but until then, I'll keep my fingers crossed. No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

RESURFACING

2005-08-17T13:59:00.000+08:00

Yes. I know. I haven't been updating. And yes, it didn't escape my attention that my "latest" (if you could call it that) post was so embittered and resentful. Oh well. That's life.

It is my self-proclaimed duty to tell you that my stand on the earlier topic still hasn't changed. I still hate the person, the situation...everything that pertains to the issue really...but as I said, can't do anything about it anymore. It is out of my hands (it was, thankfully, not up to me in the first place). So I choose not to say more about this thing lest the person involved happen to come upon this, not to mention that this is personally a veeery sooore subject for me. I've wasted enough tears and brain cells over this, it was more than ENOUGH for him.

MOVING ON:

As much as I would love to look like a saint and say my studies have been keeping me from updating that wouldn't be quite correct. Yes, things have been crazy in school but my organizationS have been not without blame in gobbling up my time. Hehe.

Don't get me wrong. I chose this because it's actually fun! (Believe it or not.) Don't worry I don't really expect sympathy from non-active people because I used to be one. I also used to question the sanity of people tirelessly devoting their time, talent and effort on trivial matters that don't get credited for grades anyway. For the life of me I can't understand why in some instances they put org activities first before studies (which is no way to go about it)! Then suddenly I understood. When you commit your self to an org, you do it not because you're obligated to do it but because you WANT to.
Admist all the things that you have to do and the things you know you should do, it sometimes helps to do something you want and you choose to do. Org work gives me a sense of purpose and responsibility; responsibility not only for my self but for all the individuals who are actually part of that organization as well. And of course! I can't deny that through these organizations I do know more people and I now have a more active "social" life because of it.

Well...who can deny that my group of friends suddenly grew, knowing that I am currently active(?!) in more or less three organizations, not to mention I hold a position in one of them. Add that to the year-long leadership program I am currently part of. Sus! I get tired even just typing about it.

And of course my planner is not complete without a whole dash of legitimate school work scribbled all over it!

These past months have just been a whir of readings, readings, oh and did I mention readings?! Shet! When I got into Pol Sci. I knew there were readings but shet man! This is ridiculous! I pity amount of trees that we kill everyday. No wonder there was a Nueva Ecija flood thing! Darn!
Pero haayyy...Ignore Me! I'm just ranting. I understand the necessity of the handouts and I really don't mind. But please indulge me! Wouldn't you agree that even a self professed bookworm is entitled to be shocked when she receives her first bondpaper REAM of handouts for ONE subject viable for only 2-3 months. I know most people probably have more readings and workload than I do. I mean, so what if I've already spent more than a thousand bucks for handputs alone in the two months that I've been to school?! So what if a polsci teacher assigned us to read 200 pages (font size:9 two columns per page) for her midterms?! It is not the end of the world! Surely more will come... a whole lot more! Besides, I signed up for this. Right! I chose this. RIGHT!...?!

Oh man, what have I gotten myself into?!

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INEVITABLE

2005-06-01T18:22:00.000+08:00

The feeling that is worse than depression is not feeling anything at all.
Whenever people tell you that the only permanent thing is change it usually means something did. Something huge. Something very significant that you can't just accept it, you have to have an explanation, a consolation if you may. People always try to explain things that are happening around them. They always have to find a purpose, they need to find a reason why things didn't turn out the way they want them to. But what if you can't find one? What if it was just simply.... INEVITABLE.

You've been waiting, dreading this thing but when it came... It was as if you weren't expecting it at all. This is probably why it's better that people can't see the future. The sad fact is it won't change anything. They will still feel the pain, the anger, the betrayal no matter how hard you try to brace yourself, steel yourself from the pain... because some things are simply... INEVITABLE.

What then?! Will you bawl your eyes out?! Hate the world?! Hate yourself because you just CAN'T understand?! Drink all the beer you can find?! Better yet, why not take up every sick and twisted vice that you know. Start in the hedonistic path towards self destruction since death is after all... INEVITABLE.

But after the whirlwind of emotions, will you still be able to forgive?! forgive the world?! forgive those who hurt you?! forgive yourself?! Could you still snatch your head out of the quagmire of dark thoughts and self pity and realize you are not alone?! GOD, I hope so. But for now. Allow yourself to wallow, worry and weep for what came, what is coming and what will come.

MAY 30 is the day I became a Statistic.

LAW OF STEEL: What does not kill you, will make you stronger.

MISSING:

2005-05-15T11:36:00.000+08:00

Tinatamad akong magpost ng matino. But if you see any of these people, tell them to call me. They are on my wanted list! I've been part of this group for the better part of high school... more accurately, ALL through out high school. I've been with them almost everyday for FOUR years! Now, I'll be lucky if I see them once in two or three months (probably more!). It's just a bit depressing. I really miss them. Haayy.... It's not their fault, I am also to blame. I'm a horrible texter. I'm more often than not always broke so I don't have prepaid and my schedule isn't very flexible so you can just imagine! It's so sad because without them I feel like I'm loosing a part of me. Haayy...this blog is so melodramatic! Sorry! Chalk it up as growing old melancholy. Haayyy...

MOTHER THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!

2005-05-08T23:00:00.000+08:00

When Mother's Day came around I didn't know what to get you. I was lost because aside from the apparent lack of a very obvious and crucial thing, I think you would agree that I am way too old to cut out cards from art papers. So upon crossing out these two options the only thing I could think about doing for you (preferably something I'm pretty decent at) is to write you a letter. I know the method is very well used, not to mention cheesy and outdated so it can't be just any ordinary letter I could whip out in a second. It had to be special or at the least, different so it got in my head to post it in my blog for the whole world (or at least those who know me) to see how much I love and appreciate you.

I know it's all a cliche. What you will read in this letter has probably been said and will continue to be said to mothers for a very long time to come. But as my friends pointed out before, there is a reason why cliches are cliches, besides I'm not thinking about other mothers while writing this.

I am thinking about the mother who is willing to give anything and everything for me. I am thinking about the mother who never pressured me into doing anything but she inspired me to do it instead. I am thinking of the mother who says no!, who scolds me and shouts at me when she thinks I'm wrong. The mother who is more concerned about my "figure" (or the lack of thereof) and my love life (again another lack of thereof) than I am. The one who trusts me and believes in me when I, myself, barely do. She was the one who told me I am stronger than that when I was bawling my eyes out over some jerk. She balances me out and acts as my very much needed and appreciated sounding board regardless whether I want to or not. And most especially I am thinking about the mother who believed me even when it was much easier for her not to. I am thinking about my mother, you!

Though I say I Love You everyday sometimes it takes special occassions like this to give me a reason to really voice out my feelings for you. It's in these occassions that I can tell everyone how lucky I feel that you're my mother! To tell anyone who would listen (or read) that they may be prettier, smarter and richer than me but when it comes to a mother... I'm SURE got the best deal!

You may not be the Superstar, the Megastar or the Star-For-All-Seasons but you are MY star! You are the brightest light, in my life so I'm not worried because here with you, I will never go wrong. I love you Mama!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY mother! Ilabshu! *mwah!*

Well, I have to end this now and try to preserve the remaining, however small, shard of respect my friends have left for me. (",) Love You!

STRIKE

2005-04-18T13:41:00.000+08:00

haayy...grabe nakaka-stress!!! muntik na akong ma-late sa kaisa-isang subject ko kanina dahil walang masakyang jeep! nakakainis talaga. alam nyo yun, ang init-init, pagod na pagod ka na tapos ayaw ka isakay ng mga jeep na WALANG LAMAN dahil nag-strike daw sila. parang nang-aasar pa dahil sunod-sunod silang dumarating pero ayun nag-park lang at hindi nagsasakay kahit na ang daming taong naglalakad. grrrr talaga!

you know, i get their point e. oo nga ang hirap-hirap ng buhay dito sa Pilipinas kaya ipinapakita nila na nagproprotesta sila. ok fine! pero hello! ang stupid din e. asan yung logic?! we can say that they're protesting against the oil price hike, the corrupt government officials, the greedy bussinessmen etc. etc. etc... pero DUH!!!! sa laki ng kinukurakot ng mga yun mag-jejeep ba sila?! bakit yung mga mayayaman ba ang na-stranded at naglalakad ng pagkalayo-layo para lang makapunta sa pupuntahan nila?!? HINDI! yung mga normal na taong kagaya rin nila ang nagdurusa! tingin ba nila may pakialam yung mga gagong yun kung maglakad ang buong metro manila papasok ng school or office?! i don't think so! baka nga natutuwa pa yung mga yun dahil walang traffic e.
i admit. before this incident, i didn't usually care. ako yung tipong Uy astig! Ang linis ng kalye. Walang jeep! ngayon ko lang talaga na-realize kung gaano cya kalala. heck, i was really considering not coming to school at all. ay sus naman no! wala akong balak na maglakad from my house to the MRT station dahil parang nilakad ko na rin from Mini Stop Katipunan to Palma Hall ng UP. and contrary to popular belief, i'm not yet that crazy (slight, slight lang. hehe.) e kaya lang gusto ata ni God na pumasok ako e kasi nung naglalakad na ako pabalik ng bahay, may tumigil na jeep sa harap ko. kaya ayun sumakay na ako! buti nalang na-late din yung teacher ko dahil kapag na-late ako at nakamiss ako ng quiz na ibinibigay nya bago mag-start ang class, magwawala talaga ako!
at dahil kahit paano ay mahal ko ang sarili ko, nagpasundo nalang ako sa driver. i absolutely have no intention of going through the same ordeal again. take note, kung sakaling hindi ako nagpasundo at naglakad ulit ako, tanghaling tapat na tanghaling tapat pa yun a! haayy..ayokong isipin kung ano ang nangyari kung hindi ako nagpasundo.
kaya ayan! eto ako ngayon. asa school pa rin sinusulit ang Php. 250.00 na binayad ko for internet fees this summer at hinihintay yung sundo ko. MORAL LESSON OF THE STORY:
Learn how to drive or find someone who will do it for you. (",)

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END OF MY SUMMER

2005-04-14T14:45:00.000+08:00

haay...nagstart na ang summer class ko kanina. ang INIT!!!!!! sakit sa ulo grabe. nagcocomute lang kc ko ngayon e. though i only have 1 class, it starts at 10:30 and ends at 12. e kung hindi ba naman ako tuluyang matusta nyan, ewan ko na lang. :'(

hindi ko pa nga sure if having only one summer class is a good thing e. on one hand at least i could concentrate on math (which, as you all know, is my waterloo) but on the other, will i find enough will power to go to class everyday knowing that i am exerting this much effort just to go to ONE class considering i didn't have to go through this much trouble on REGULAR school days.

haay delilah! :P

In fairness, first time ever na may class ako sa birthday ko! (",)

speaking of bdays! belated happy happy to:
April

5 Vincent Paul Ronquillo ---> great fellow blogger and friend
i'm here for you okay. malapit na naman kita maging kapit bahay e, punta ka lang. imishu! ilabshu! *mwah!*(",)
9 Valene Santander ----> spice!!!!! (hope she got my message)
imishu sobra! i'm not sure you're still using the number that i txted. pero miss na kita, immoral na babae! iluvu! *mwah!* (",)
12 Sander Bayaras ----> my bespwend!
nakalimutan kong sabihin syo: MATANDA KA NA!!!!! kaw lang sa celebrants ang di ko nasabihan nyan. o hinay-hihay lang dude ha! luvu! *mwah!* (",) No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

MY IMMORTAL

2005-03-13T18:06:00.000+08:00

Ayan po ang bago kong music background. Cguro papalitan ko rin yan. Ewan ko lang kung ano ang ipapalit ko. What do you guys think?! I have a hard time making up my mind kasi e. Suggestions are welcome just TAG away. (",) No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

DREDGING

2005-03-09T15:54:00.000+08:00

Darn! I made my reflection paper earlier. Shet!!!! It was easy but harder than I thought. I have a lot of things I need to do and on top of that, I have a long test for math tommorow! Waaaaahh!!!!!! Wish me luck guys! I desperately need it! (",)

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VANITY

2005-03-07T01:15:00.000+08:00

Guys! I know I'm vain! Pagbigyan ninyo na! Maraming nagtatanung sa akin kung ano daw yung Bohemian Garden e. Aba! Malay ko po! Hindi ko rin alam, kaya ayan! Pinatungan ko ng dikit-dikit na pictures ko. I'm telling you I could give a whole new meaning to the word self-absorption.

Isipin niyo ito ang ginawa ko instead of my paper! Tama ba naman yun?! Syempre hindi! kaya kapag bumagsak ako at wala akong papel na naipasa alam ninyo na kung bakit ha! Aba in fairness alam nyo bang mahirap kumuha ng litrato ng sarili mo? At alam niyo rin ba kung gaano kahirap ang magdikit-dikit ng picture mo sa photo editor?! Mahirap din a! Para sa inyong mga techie siguro hindi. E alam nyo naman ako, isang tanga't kalahati na nga may pagka-technophobe pa (slight slight lang naman!). (",) Kaya ayan! Forgive the amateur!
Anyway, akin din naman to e. so kung gusto ko magpost ng magpost bakit hindi di ba?! By the way, I have a new tagboard. And I need your opinion. Will I go back to my old one or will I just stick with this one?! Answer through my taggy!

Thanks guys! *mwah!*
Lahat na rin ng bashing doon nyo ilagay! Just try to be kind. (",) No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

FIRST ENDING

2005-03-07T01:04:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! I just wanted to post the picture of our English Block (R30). I'm gonna miss these people since this is the the last sem we're going to spend as a block. It's amazing how time flies! I mean one minute, I'm just this kid who keeps on forgetting where her classes are, then the next I'm about to finish my freshman year!

It's so creepy since after this sem I could already call myself a certified college student! I mean think about it, After this sem I finsh freshman year right?! So even if I don't get to finish COLLEGE per se, when people ask about my educational background, I would have to say I reaced until 1st year. Which is, when you think about it, more embarassing because it proves that you were just either incredibly lazy or undoubtedly stupid.

Well, aren't I just a dose of sunshine? Anywhoo....the point is, I am nearing the 1st Pitstop in college life (only the first of many, I hope ). And as it grows nearer and nearer, I am ecstatic to see what is beyond yet I am also compelled to hold back and savor the experiences I have gone through.

I had a great year, though it was not without sleepless nights, endless papers, bouts of depression and unbelievable amount of stress, it was all worth the experience. But more importantly, I am most thankful for all the new people that I've met and the friends I gained. They have left a mark in my life and touched my heart. THANKS GUYS!

....If you think this is melodramatic, wait till you read my entry when I graduate *wink!* (",)

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CRUEL INTENTIONS

2005-02-24T15:24:00.000+08:00

'Cruel Intentions' a scintillating teen remake of sex- and- revenge 'Liaisons' by Rob Blackwelder

"Cruel Intentions" is literally "Dangerous Liaisons" transplanted to present-day Upper East Side Manhattan and featuring ruthless teenagers playing sexual power games instead of 18th Century French aristocrats.

As such, I fully expected it to be dumbed down beyond all recognition. I expected "Dangerous Liaisons 90210." But I can admit when I'm wrong.

Sexy, savage and succulent, with deliciously cruel and manipulative performances by Ryan Phillippe and Sarah Michelle Gellar in the John Malkovich and Glenn Close roles, in its own way this fourth film adaptation of Choderlos De Laclos' scandalous 1782 novel "Les Liaisons Dangereuses" rivals the Malkovich-Close magnum opus in sophistication, dexterity and scintillating deviousness.

For those not familiar with the story, it was originally set in pre-revolutionary Paris and involved a bored and ruthless viscount and marquise living only for sex, deception and revenge, who devise the seduction and ruin of a convent-educated bride-to-be and an evangelistic young wife for sport of it.

Here's how writer-director Roger Kumble has deftly adapted the story for modern times (and hold on to your hats -- it's complicated):

Kathryn (Gellar) and Sebastian (Phillippe) Valmont are step-siblings with ferocious sexual appetites and absolutely no conscience. Both sublimely Machiavellian, they take pleasure in trifling with the hearts and lives of their lovers -- and they've both had plenty.

When Kathryn is thrown over for the first time in her life, she plots vicious revenge on the beau by resolving to corrupt the naive young girl who has taken her place. She recruits the seductive and always successful Sebastian to deflower the innocent debutante, Cecile Caldwell (Selma Blair).

But Sebastian thinks this project below his cunning since Cecile already seems all too eager to explore her untapped sexual curiosity. He has in his cross hairs instead a high profile virgin, Annette Hargrove (Reese Witherspoon), who wrote a feature for Seventeen magazine entitled "Why I Plan to Wait." The fact that she's also the daughter of the new headmaster at the Valmonts' prep school the just makes conquering her all the more prestigious in his mind.

So a wager is forged between these two manipulators: If Sebastian succeeds with Annette, Kathryn will offer herself to him for one night of completely uninhibited sex. If he fails, she gets his 1956 Jaguar roadster.

Suspension of disbelief is an important prerequisite here, because I don't care what kind of monied, elite family you were born in to, there isn't a 17-year-old on Earth as sophisticated, suave and depraved as these Valmonts.

Fundamentally methodical in their every word and action, their always lavish dialogue is blended beautifully into modern speech patterns and they habitually toss off double-entendres that would make James Bond green with envy. They're both possessed of the kind of confidence few adults ever attain and they dress in luxurious 18th Century-inspired costumes, even when lounging around the house. Not remotely like any teenager I've ever known.

But it's well worth letting go of the teen credibility question to immerse yourself in the manifold manipulation that makes this picture a great guilty pleasure, especially with the dazzling performance by Sarah Michelle Gellar who plunges headlong into the lascivious malevolence that makes Kathryn so delightfully wicked. (Plus she looks great in a corset.)

Although it sometimes plays like "Wild Things" (last years best trashy movie, also about sexually diabolical teens) with a MENSA IQ, "Cruel Intentions" is surprisingly true to De Laclos' book and often mimics the look of "Dangerous Liaisons" right down to the blocking of some scenes.

And yet it's skillfully modernized and sexualized. Where the faithful adaptations have the Marquise verbally coaching the unsophisticated Cecile in ways to pleasure a lover, here Kathryn gives her rather personal lessons in French kissing.

Where "Dangerous Liaisons" finds the Viscount de Valmont blackmailing an oversexed maid for information about his intended conquest, here Sebastian extorts one of Annette's friends, a campus football hero who would rather keep hidden his budding homosexual tendencies. And in a direct nod to its predecessor, Swoosie Kurtz, who played Cecile's mother in "Liaisons," has a cameo as Sebastian's shrink, whose daughter is another of his casualties.

Phillippe is brilliantly seductive and dangerous as Sebastian, who unexpectedly finds himself falling in love with Annette, conquered by her virtue. He embodies affected nonchalance, but is incredible to watch in the sex scene in which he finally surrenders to his emotions, and even more sensational when he fervently denies his feelings in the face of his step-sister's ridicule.

But the love scene doesn't entirely work the other way around. Witherspoon is miscast as the chaste Annette, and while early on she is strong in defending herself and her beliefs against this sexual predator, we never really buy that she subsequently falls in love with him. She lacks the sense of capitulation Michelle Pfeiffer loaned the same role in "Liaisons."

As Cecile, Blair is an even less convincing innocent. She just acts like a 4-year-old who hit puberty a decade early.

The film, which degenerates a bit in the last reel, has many other imperfections -- most notably the way it flogs the plot device of Sebastian's religiously maintained journal. Not only is it terribly out of character, but it's an insultingly transparent contrivance for an eventual double-cross and comeuppance.

But this is to take "Cruel Intentions" too seriously. While it is designed, directed and photographed with an inspired amount of polish, this is ultimately a devilishly shrewd soap opera (even if it is based on a classic) and should be enjoyed as such.

My Favorite Movies

2005-02-24T15:04:00.000+08:00

Dahil naaaliw ako sa photoblogging napagdesisyunan kong maglagay ng mga review ng mga paborito kong pelikula. Ngayon pa lang sinasabi ko na na hindi ako ang gumawa ng mga ito. Ayun lang. Nakakaaliw naman ang photoblogging! (",) hehehe (",) pagbigyan ninyo na ako.

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A Very Long Engagement

2005-02-21T11:38:00.000+08:00

A Very Long Engagement

I can't remember where i got this review but I DIDN'T MAKE IT okay?! (",)

If you watched the trailer for this movie you'd probably go in expecting a different movie, at least I did. I was expecting some sort of action adventure where Audrey Tatou ventured out to the front to save her lover, instead is something a bit different.
The story surrounds a girl played by Tatou, who suffers from polio and as such is very sickly and can't really walk well. She falls in love as a child with a boy Manech (Gaspard Ulliel) and as they grow up they become lovers and become engaged, but the first world war occurs and her boyfriend is recruited. She get news that he is dead, but can not believe this. She starts to piece together a story from others who served at the front as to what actually happened and finds a mystery surrounds him. This is more a detective story with Tatou mirroring the plight of many left at home when their loved ones went to war, having to rely on little gasps of information.

It is absolutely full of the director's trademark of stunning visuality. Every scene speaks and there are beautiful images that both haunt and enthrall. There is a lot of style and somewhere the substance sort of flaters. The problem is in it's pacing and the way it tells the story. It doesn't carry you through because most of the time you get lost in the way it tells a scene. It is very long and does drag in places and you can get lost because for long periods of the movie it just doesn't progress. If you hate movies that drag this is not for you. This is a film about the stupidity of war and the pain it causes and does emote that.

There is a romance at the heart of the film, the longing of a woman to believe that her lover is still alive hence giving her a reason to live.

This film is beautiful in the way it does bring home a sort of reality of war without the sentimental fakeness of most war movies. This is a really good movie that deserves to be watched because in this time of cynicism towards true love it gives you hope that maybe just maybe with the right person, it is still possible.

THAT'S ALL I ASK OF YOU

2005-02-19T10:29:00.000+08:00

No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you -
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry -your tears.
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you . . .

Say you love me
every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime . . .
Say you need me with you, now and always . . .
promise me that all you say is true -
that's all I ask of you . . .

Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light.
You're safe: No-one will find you
your fears are far behind you . . .

All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night . . .
and you always beside me
to hold me and to hide me . . .

Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .
Iet me lead you from your solitude . . .
Say you need me
with you here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go, let me go too -
Christine, that's all I ask of you . . .

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .
say the word and I will follow you . . .

Share each day with me,
each night, each morning . . .

Say you love me . . .
You know I do . . .

Love me -
that's all I ask of you . . .

Anywhere you go
let me go too . . .
Love me -
that's all I ask of you . .

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16 NANAMAN

2005-02-16T10:43:00.002+08:00

Kahapon pumunta kami ng mga block mates ko sa Gateway. Nanuod kami ng A Very Long Engagement *sigh!* Ang ganda-ganda niya. *sigh!* Promise! It didn't make me cry but it made me want to fall in love. A feeling that in my opinion is harder to evoke than actual tears. (Not to mention ang cute pa nung guy doon.) Anyway, kapag natapos ko yung film review ko about this film ilalagay ko siya dito. A basta, trust me! You're really missing out if you haven't seen this film dahil SOOBRANG ganda niya!!!! Words can't describe it e. O sige, para maintindihan ninyo, ganito nalang.

Kung nung Valentine's Day o ngayon ko yun napanood at kasama ko yung lalaking iniisip ko siguro hindi "NANAMAN" ang title ng blog entry ko magiging "ULIT".

3 years ago. How many more to go?!

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HULA

2005-02-11T18:37:00.000+08:00

may report kami sa filipino at ako ang nagpahula. mukha naman siyang okay. maraming accurate, minsan sablay. hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ako o hindi e. a basta, para hindi ko malimutan eto isusulat ko ang "findings" niya.
1st impression daw sken ay maldita, mataray etc. <---ewan kung totoo to ang alam ko kasi conyotic pero sa mataray hindi ko alam.
madali daw ako magmahal, tsaka sobra. pero once na inayawan ako na. ayaw na talaga. <--hmmm...ewan ko rin to. medyo sablay na hindi.
babalik daw sken ung lalaki sa buhay ko na "payat, madamdamin at pikon" nagkaroon daw sya ng "kauganayan" sa isang babaeng bilugan pero babalik din daw sya sken at magkikita daw kami sa loob ng 2 araw, linggo o buwan.
may paulit-ulit ding lumalabas na travel. aalis daw ako pwedeng konektado sa skul pero maramihang lakad daw to..maraming kasama
may magiinvite din daw sken na mag-inuman.
masusurpresa daw ako
kalimutan ko na daw ang lalaking nagpaiyak sken dahil may bago raw na darating na magpapasaya sken. medyo bilugan ang pangangatawan niya at may E,R,F,N,S (hindi ko na matandaan yung mga letters) sa pangalan, either apelido or first name.
madali daw ako madiscourage at may depression tendencies
may gumugulo daw sken tungkol sa school pero okay lang daw. wag ko na daw pansinin.
rugh times daw ang 2004 sken at medyo babawi ako sa 2005 pero pinakamaswerte daw ako sa 2006
maganda raw ang daloy ng pera sken
kapag nagkatrabaho daw ako mas uunahin ko ang pamilya ko.
ako raw ang tao na mapagbigay sa pera a kahit mawalan na daw ako basta para sa pamilya at kaibigan okay lang
alisin ko daw nag lahat ng bumabagabag sa kin. sa school man o pag-ibig.

hindi ko alam kung maniniwala ako sa hula niya. basta kung ano na lang ang mangayari alam kong hindi ako pababayaan ng Panginoon. okay na ko. sana lang kung ano mang pagsubok ang darating matangap ko ito at maging buo pa rin ang pamilya namin. sana rin makuntento na ko sa buhay ko. (",)

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COST u me

2005-02-10T14:56:00.000+08:00

Nakakainis yung chem teacher namen. tama ba namang sabihing wag na daw mag-law sa pilipinas kasi wala rin namang patutunguhan e. sabi nya kasi sa South East Asia ang Pilipinas ay ang pinakamalaki ang lawyer-citizen ratio. Ibig sabihin marami tayong lawyers kaya hindi raw maganda yung job market,kasi nga naman maraming ka-kumpetensya. so sige. fine! naiintindihan ko. then he goes on this LOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNGGGG diatribe about how the philippine government system sucks. how we everyone else in asia like japan thailand and god knows what else follow the british system while we stil follow... and i quote "19th century politics of the spaniards"

okay we get it! the Philippines suck! oo! totoo! lahat ng tao alam yan at walang kokontra sa'yo. pero kailangan mo bang lalu pang pababain ang pilipinas?! lahat ng sinasabi mo yung kawalan ng trabaho, corruption, NO progress, interference of the catholic church etc. etc. alam na namin yan! DUDE luma na!
As if Filipinos aren't disillusioned enough! Tapos dadakdak ka nanaman tungkol sa family planning at sa walang kwentang education system ng AMING bansa at symepre tatapusin ng mga katagang WALANG GANYAN SA STATES
Alam mo sir, gago ka! yun lang yun. kaya hindi umaasenso ang pilipinas dahil sa mga ingratong katulad mo. why not instead of just mouthing off try to do something constructive to help alleviate OUR country's dillema by oh i don't know...trying to actually TEACH!!!!! Pucha! you said it yourself! education here is not adequate, that's true but did you ever stop to think that it's teachers like YOU who are causing it?!?! in fact, it's FILIPINOS UNFORTUNATELY LIKE YOU who is making our country's condition worse! instead of doing your best to help anung ginagawa mo?! nangangarap ka na maging American citizen para makalimutan mo nang Pilipino ka. well, too bad in case you haven't noticed...they don't want you kaya please tigilan mo na ang pagsiksik mo sa sarili mo sa mga taong ayaw sa'yo!

nakakahiya ka! Philippine Science graduate ka pa naman! Ibig sabihin pinagaral ka ng bansang sinusuka mo ngayon! wala kang utang na loob! naiinis talaga ako sa mga pilipinong katulad mo! maputi ka nga, magaling ka nga mag-english pero sorry ka! pilipino mga magulang mo! dugo mo galing sa "mabahong" underdeveloped country na to. Pare, wake up and smell the pollution, you're a third world country citizen and no amount of years studying in abroad will change that.

tama ka bulok nga ang pilipinas. bulok ang judicial system. sa totoo lang pareho kayo ng sinasabi ng boss ni mama e at iyon mas kapanipaniwala sa'yo kasi TUNAY na magaling na lawyer yun, kaya nga nasa Senate yun e. hindi na raw magandang mag law kasi ngayon palakasan na lang. hindi tinitignan ang galing mo kundi kung gano kalaki ang "lagay" ng kliyente mo. marahil totoo nga yon. hindi ako ganun ka-inosente para hindi malaman yun pero isipin nyo rin sana na kung walang kikilos, kelan pa?! sino pa?! kaya nga nag-aaral ang henerasyon namin ngayon ay para mapabuti at sana baguhin ang sistema. kami nga ang kinabukasan ng bayan di ba?! e paano namin magagawa yun kung nagyon pa lang ay pinapasok nyo na sa mga utak namin na wala kaming magagawa.

i know i sound too idealistic. and maybe i am. but you had your chance to change how the systemm works...it's actually still your time. you have the power to change the system because you're in charge. but did you do something about it?!?! NO! you're letting the opportunity pass you by. so who's to blame now!?

kung ako sa'yo mahihiya ako sa balat ko. tagnia yan! at least ang pilipinas yung sistema lang ang bulok...e ikaw?! basta ang alam ko, ako pilipino. pilipino ako. ikaw?! alam mo ba kung ano ka?!
tingin ko ikaw yung isda! hindi si Nemo a! siguro hindi mo alam yun pero wag ka mag-alala sikat yun! hindi man made by Pixar, made by Rizal naman. kilalanin mo yun a! close kasi kayo e. parehong-pareho. sobrang magka-level. ay tsaka last na! alis-alisin mo rin nga pla yang amerikana mo kahit paminsan-minsan. ingat ka, sa kapal ng damit na 'yan baka mamaya nangangamoy patay ka na pala di mo man lang alam.

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PAG-IISA

2005-02-08T17:55:00.000+08:00

Nawiwindang nanaman ako. Nasa RSF ako ngayon gumagawa ng English paper. Hindi ko pa siya tapos pero bukas na ang pasahan. Hindi ako makapag-isip, hindi ako makapag-type.
Malamig ang aircon.
Alam nyo yung pakiramdam na nasa isang lugar ka pero bigla kang maihaharap sa marahil isang katotohanang hindi ka nababagay sa lugar na iyon? Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko nararamdaman to o kung ANO nga ba itong mga nararamdaman ko.
Para akong lumulutang pero nakasayad naman ang paa ko sa lupa. Nawawala ako sa mga lugar na pamilyar sa akin. Naghahanap ako ng isang bagay na hindi ko alam kung nawawala ni hindi ko nga alam kung meron nga talaga ko nun nung simula pa lang. Para akong nagugutom para sa kung ano. Siguro nga gutom lang 'tong nadarama ko.
Malamig kasi.

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AT LAST

2005-02-07T08:30:00.000+08:00

O ayan na! Nangako ako na sasusunod na pagbalik ko dito mayroon na siyang bagong "template" kaya ayan mayroon na! Wala kaming pasok ngayon dahil President's Day kaya nasa office ako ni Mama ngayon. Kung mapapansin niyo hindi pa ayos yung profiles at iba pang mga parte ng blog ko. Patawad. Aayusin ko rin siya sa pinakamaagang tsansa na makukuha ko. Hindi lang ngayon kasi nga nakakahiya sa officemates ng aking ina at marami pa akong papel na dapat gawin at ipasa. Pero susubukan kong maayos to! Pramis! :)

Ang wierdo ba ng language?! Patawad ulit. Basta aayusin ko rin yung tagalog ko.

Magiwan na lang kayo ng mensahe sa tagboard ko kung anu man ang mga reaksyon nyo. (Pero habang ginagawa ko to down pa yung server ng chatterbox. Sana maayos na. Kinakabahan ako e. )

Magiwan narin kayo ng suhestiyon para sa tag message ko. Tagalog din dapat para consistent. (",)
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WHO AM I?!

2005-01-22T14:17:00.000+08:00

OMG! Two posts in one month, something must be wrong with me! OR I'm just feeling really guilty for not being a good blogger. Wenks! Anywhoo.... As you guys know we have NSTP every Saturday. My blockmates and I were supposed to meet at the ADMU cornfield at 6 am then proceed to GK Assuncion, Las Pinas. We teach kids there. Anyway, last night after the midterms of Ma21 students, Aesh, Tina and me met some of the Abada boys (RC, Migs and Jams) to have dinner. We ate at World Topps and stayed there for at least two hours (can you say slow eaters?!? (",) ) but it was okay coz we had fun chatting while tey finished their food. SO back to why I was SOOO LATE the next day. After eating, the boys went to the dorm and we played cards. Well, actually to be more precise, they played bridge while Miguel and I perfected the art of playing Jawbreaker on my palm top. (Jawbreaker is Microsoft's own version of Yahoo's Bubbles where the goal is to eliminate all the colored "bubbles" or balls by grouping together the same colored ones.) When that play was exhausted or should I say when my battery gave out, they decided to take pity on me and we played 1-2-3 Pass. As expected, being the master cardsman that I am, I lost more games than any other member of the group. As a consequence, I was required to answer all their questions. (The horror! The shame!) Maybe it was my conscience urging me to tell the truth, the fatigue talking it was after all 1 in the morning or my inner demons wanting to get out, I don't know! But the outcome was still the same, I was qoute-un-quote REVEALED to them that night. I actually answered all their questions as truthfully as I could. It gave way for all the old and yes, even some new issues to resurface. I was again faced with the questions that I tried (the key word being TRIED) to forget and we weren't even drunk at that time! Sheesh! Their questions, embarassing as they were actually helped me alot. It helped me reaffirm the conclusion and resolutions I have come to, this year. I made this decision NOT because it was new year but because I HAD to, I figured it was already time (and a long time it was). I try to see this not as forgetting the past, instead, this is my way of FACING the future. Honestly, I don't know if I would be able to stick by this. I don't know if I could but I know I'm going to really try. I'm just really praying that this time I would be able to stick by my decisions and stand firm on the backlash that it might entail. I want change and there is no better time to start changing (for the better, I hope) than NOW . All this talk about improving and changing brings me to a more important yet more baffling question, possibly the MOST unfathomable question one would be faced with... WHO AM I? When confronted by this question most would state their name, their parents, where they live, where they are currently studying in, what they like, what they don't like... answers you could normally find in slumbooks or autographs. So problem solved right?...NOT!!!!!! I wasn't asking what your name is, who your parents are or what your definition of love is, I was asking who YOU are. Yeah...mindboggling huh. I thought so too when our NSTP facilitator asked us to write a paragraph telling the readers who we are. Who would've thought that the most arcane question is actually a very obvious one.Who would've guessed that the most familiar and easiest topic to research on, is actually the hardest one to give meaning and substance to. I sure didn't.

I would've had an easier time if you asked me who OTHERS think I am because who others perceive me to be is different from who I am. Obviously, the answer you'll get to this question depends on who you're asking. I am a daughter, a sister, a family member, a friend, a student. When you try to look, who I am depends on who I think others want me to be. I am no one and no one is me. Fact withstanding, I am defined by my ignorance of my own self. I was so used on conforming myself to the idea of who the people around me think I am. I never really tried to be just me. So I guess, I am someone who really doesn't know who she is. All I know is that I breathe. I hurt. I am God's creation. And I am human and I have the strengths and all the weaknesess that that title entails. I may not live, but I exist and because of that I feel. Whether these feelings are a gift or a curse, I'm still not sure. But at least it gives me hope that someday, I might just be able to be. I honestly don't know why I felt the urge to type this down. I'm not even sure whether I will post this or not. Or if there is a point to this and where this will go.I guess I just wanted, even if it will be for just this once, for someone to know me. Because when I think about it, I'm not sure what more upsetting, the fact that I don't know myself or the fact that I KNOW no one else does. No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Congrats To Fellow Bloggers!

2005-01-10T10:58:00.000+08:00

omygosh! everyone seems to be celebrating or will celebrate their blog's anniversary! I'm not even sure when my blog's anniv is! besides i've been so erratic in posting that i've probably beaten the whole point of blogging. anywhoo...naiingit ako sa kanila. yung mga amazing and respected writers not only in weblog world (is there such a thing?!) but the real world (again with the question,is there such a thing?! ;p )

I'm talking about Vincent Paul Ronquillo whose blog is turning a year old. you could see it in www.paulemeric.blogspot.com And of course, the one who started it all, Leo Glenn Gonzales with his 2 years old tabloidal blog that could be accessed at www.tabloidal.blogspot.com Congrats you guys!

Now, those two are who you could really call bloggers. unlike someone i know who writes endless babblings of her semi-IF-AT-ALL-coherent mind. ;P

oh yeah, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!

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UPDATE

2004-12-16T11:29:00.000+08:00

Haayy... It's been a long time since I've posted anything here and a lot has happened since then. I've gone to Boracay in the middle of the sem and missed at least 3 school days and in the process had my first ship and airplane ride. Got a failing score for my first math test. Did my christmas shopping which left me BROKE . Rode a bike for the second time in the same place and exactly a year after learning how to ride it the first time. And attended my first mass in the Church of Gesu for the annual Simbang Gabi..

My dad came home for his "christmas vacation". Ironically, he's leaving today, December 16, take note: before Christmas. Anywhooo because my aunt and her family also went home for Christmas from Australia my dad suddenly wanted to go to Boracay, so we did! (Typhoon and all!) Although it wasn't raining there, the weather was glorious in fact, it was unnerving to see on tv people suffering and loosing their homes and loved ones while we were out frolicking on white sand beaches and having the time of our lives!

haay..it is really sad that we had to be reminded to take care of narture in such a brutal manner. It's times like this that i really realize how fragile everything is. we can't take anything for granted especially nature because when it fights back, it fights back HARD.

Ok, enough of that, let's step back to my vain and shallow world...shall we.

I AM NEVER RIDING A PLANE AGAIN. I don't care if I never go out of the Philippines ever. With all it's corruption and low standard of living and all it's crappiness, it's still home, MY HOME. So I don't mind if I never go to the States or something, Who needs Disneyland anyway?! I'm 18 years old for crying out loud! And we have a ref who can make "snow", at least I know our "snow" is not made of acid rain! HEHEHE. Sorry just ranting. My ears couldn't take the pressure of the plane. while we were still over sea, my ears were perfectly fine, i was about to fall asleep in fact. But once we got over land mass, i was suddenly jolted awake by the excruciating pain from my ears! Considering it was a small plane and I was BESIDE the door, it wouldn't take a genius to realize that i got the most, for the lack of a better term, "pressurized" seat. My ears were popping like crazy and it really hurt! :'c So let's just say it's not an ordeal I am willing to go through again anytime soon.

It's twelve. I have to go and meet Aesh. I'll just have to continue this sordid tale when I get near the internet again.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS everyone! God Bless!!! Happy Vacation!

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SECOND SEM

2004-11-10T10:32:00.000+08:00

Sorry! I know I haven't been updating and all I've been doing is posting articles in here but nowadays I just can't seem find the right time or mood to do some serious writing. i don't really know why. call it a blogger's block or something. (Go figure! Your guess is as good as mine.)

Anyway, as to what's been happening to me...well...NOTHING It's been exactly two weeks since second sem started. My sked is pretty much the same except I moved my PE to T-TH 7-8 meaning, my class doesn't start until 12:30 and ends at 3:30 every Monday and Wednesday on the other hand, my T-Th classes have an early 7:00 start and will end at around 1:30 pm.

My subjects are Lit 14, Eng 13, Chem 1, Fil 12 oh and I'm now in Math 11 (Yehey me!). Apparently I got through Math 1. The lessons are still relatively easy in all my subjects it IS after all just the start of the sem. I just hope I get through these subjects without shedding too much tears and probably blood (wahehehe!)

One of the reasons why I haven't been able to write much lately is because I promised my self that I'll try to do better this sem and not slack off like I did in the previous one. Take note: the operative word here is TRY . So far I've been pretty good except for Sex and the City and Carnivale I don't watch TV shows anymore! Knowing ME, this is a huge achievement in itself but of course only time will tell if I would really be able to hold off watching TV shows...haaay!!!!

Well that's it! I did say that I can't write decently anymore. I just wasted your time and mine. Big achievement! (Nyeks!)

Oh! And for all the UAAP fans out there, JC Intal, is my classmate in Math 11. Just thought I ought to mention it. If you don't know who he is then don't bother asking. Not knowing him already proves this news wouldn't matter to you anyway.
(",)
Ciao! *MWAH!*

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RIZSA -a not so unique name

2004-09-30T16:50:00.001+08:00

Well, since this is MY blog (which is according to my Filipino teacher a proof of the INDIVIDUALISTIC leaning of our society proven by post modernist who...sorry, just hung over from the Fil final test) might as well talk about *surprise* *surprise* ME or to be more specific, my NAME RIZSA

You're probably wondering what brought this about. Well, as I was trying to finish my final lab report for my teacher from god-does-NOT-know-where ^_^ I got bored so instead of trying to find the scientific name of Santan like a good student was supposed to (someone I'm obviously not) I searched my name on the net R>I>Z>S>A>!

Yeah, it's pretty up there on the vanity scale, I know. But still, it was fun to try. it was so cool to know that I was significant enough to be mentioned on the World Wide Web. Who cares if it was only because of this blog? I don't! So if someone was demented enough to stalk me (no idea why anyone would) at least he or she can't say I never made it easy for him or her.

Anywhoo...I used to think my name was pretty unique, or at the VERY least the spelling was. I mean Z before S?!? C'mon! The common spellings I know of either consist of "Z" "ZZ" "S" or "SS"" but never "ZS" so imagine my surprise when the search turned up a LOT of hits, 1044 hits to be exact.

Of course the first entry was, as I pointed out earlier, the link to this blog (REVEALED) the proof of my freedom & existence (Yey Me!!) :) Some of them are there because their blogs' links also contain this one (thaks guys you put me on the net!). But there was this one hit that claims rizsa is NOT a unique name.

Naturallly, my curiosity was piqued. So I'm gonna post the said article. (I just love articles, do I not?! )

A composite view of women with an unusual first name

by Reesa Marchetti

"The name Risa ranked 2,152nd in popularity for females of all ages in a sample of the 1990 U.S. Census." — babynamer.com

It’s a vacation planet on "Star Trek." But some women here want to know how on Earth they got the uncommon name, "Risa."

Is it Hebrew, Latin, Spanish, French, or just a mother’s whim?

For a title whose holders are relatively few, it has many different spellings — Reesa, Resa, Reza, Riza, Reisa, Riesa, Rise, Ritza, Rizsa, Raisa, etc. What better place for these uniquely named women to find each other than on the Internet?

Of 41 women who posted in the Reesa Society discussion group when it started in November 1998, 14 were named after a grandmother or great-grandmother. In most cases, the grandmother’s name was not actually Risa, but a similar-sounding moniker such as Ruth, Reba, Riva, Rebecca, or Rose.
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Quite a few who took the "Reesa Survey" cited opera singer Risë Stevens (who appeared in such movies as "Going My Way" with Bing Crosby in the ‘50s) as their parents’ inspiration for the appellation. For others, it was their father, Reese or Reece, from whom the name derived.

One Risa, who was named after her Russian-Jewish grandmother, Ritza, said that in Hebrew, Reesa is a computer program that "keeps on running." As a child, this Risa was teased so much about her name that she changed it to Lisa in junior high school.

As an adult, she came to appreciate it. "Risa is mentioned once in the Bible," she said. "It was a stop in the desert when Moses and his followers were wandering around for 40 years."

Several women referred to a Christian Biblical note as the source of their name. Graphic artist Rhesa Langley, whose father is a minister, said her name came from Luke 3:27. "It describes the genealogy of Jesus, and Rhesa is one of the names in there," she explained. "It's actually a man's name — I know it's so because the scripture only lists the father and sons."
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In Latin, Risa means "laughter" or "one who laughs." Chicago accountant Reesa Kelly is dating a man from Latin America.

"He always sings this song to me in Spanish with the word `Risa’ in it," she says. "It’s great."

The culture/religion of the first women who took the survey or posted comments on the Reesa Society Web site was:

17, Jewish

1, Lutheran

1, Southern Presbyterian

1, Irish

2, Japanese/part-Japanese

1, Norwegian, English, French

1, Indonesian

1, Muslim

1, Filipino/Mexican/Native American

18, not identified
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When she was growing up, Reesa Ryan says she was always told that the name came from medieval German and means "woman giant." She finds it amusing that after years of thinking she was the "only one," the Internet showed her otherwise. When she tried to register for an e-mail address, the name "Reesa" was already taken.

Risa Kay Hayes says the real spelling of her name is "Risë" with two dots (an umlaut) over the "e", just like the opera singer whose name her dad "loved." But she changed it because everyone called her "rise" with a long "I."

Risa Morrow of Tulsa, Okla., and Risa Dickson, also of Oklahoma, both changed the spelling of their names for the same reason.

In elementary school, Morrow experienced the name confusion as early as first grade. "My mom and I went to see my homeroom class assignment, and I was horrified to see my name on the list under the boys section," she said. "So, needless to say, I did not appreciate my name at that time."

Plus, her mother warned her if there was ever "trouble in their town involving someone named Risa," everyone would know it was her — since she was the only one. "What an incentive to stay out of trouble," Morrow recalled.

Where does Risa live? While most come from various parts of the United States, some have responded from Canada and from other continents as far away as Australia.

And although one Risa, who is of Japanese heritage, said typical Japanese girls’ names end with "ko," there is at least one other Japanese Risa: a lingerie model named Risa Honda.

Risa Masuda said as a child, she hated her name because it didn't end with a "ko" sound.

"Then, I came to the U.S. ten years ago," she says, "and I kinda started to like it."
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Riesa Zanuddin of Melbourne, Australia, said she was named after a "what, not a who."

In her case, the name was derived from her Zodiac sign. When she was born, her father had expected a boy, and had not prepared any girl's names. So he turned Aries around to Riesa.

"Well, at first I didn't even like my name," she said. "I did not think that it has any special meaning, but then since you mention it, Risa is the one who laughs. I told everyone about it and they all said, `No wonder you laugh a lot.' "
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Growing up may be one of the cruelest stages in life, with children taunting their playmates for the same little oddities that are later seen through adult eyes as charming.

As kids, many Risas hated the name because they were teased about it, but all said they appreciate it now that they have matured. Others proclaimed they liked their name from the start.

"I've always loved my name because it was so unique," Risa of Nails by Risa in Southern California said. "I've actually had one customer who legally changed her name to Risa after meeting me."
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Jokes about Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, as well as confusion about the pronunciation ("Do you mean Lisa?") are a shared experience among Risas.

Risa Belinda recalled the embarrassment she felt when a college professor mispronounced the name and asked if "Rise-a" was present.

Reesa Kay Hughes loathed her name so much she changed it to Teresa in high school.

"A few years after high school I started to appreciate my name, changed it back," she said, "and now I love it."

As a youngster, Reesa Sorin of New South Wales, Australia (originally from Winnipeg, Canada) used to "plague" her mother to change her name to Mary. She says her Hebrew name is Rifka.
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Of the middle names that accompany Risa, many of the respondents listed Kay, Lee, or Ann.

Yakima, Wash., resident Reesa Zuber has found that Risa is a common name where she lives.

"There are lots of Risas in this area. It is a popular Spanish name," she said. "There is even another Reesa a few years younger than my daughter who is now 19."

Reesa Zuber agrees, saying that all the Risas she knows are of Mexican ancestry and are Catholic.

"Many Hebrew names were absorbed into the romance languages of Spanish, French, and Italian," she says.
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Members of the Reesa Society are a diverse group ranging in age from teen-aged to 50 and over. Their occupations include accountant, nail artist, high school student, homemaker, college professor, graduate student in criminal justice, real estate agent, TV producer, journalist, Web developer, musician, technical writer, lawyer, college student, astrologer, photo editor, Internet service provider, and educator-librarian.

But Risa Rio of Oregon may be the most unique of the entire group — she is a pit bull named after Rio Risa, the River of Laughter.

Many Risas feel that having a unique name has inspired their creativity. All bemoan the fact that they can never find a personalized key chain with their name on it.

But if the name’s popularity continues to increase, maybe someday Risa will be up there on the rack, right next to Mary and Sue.

There! Now I know I'm not unique! O well! No biggie. What's in a name anyway right?! It's the character that you should take note of in judging an individuals personality anyway,correct?! If the person's name is beautiful but their personality is anything BUT, wouldn't you rather meet a nicer personality than persona

Haayy... At least I found one pretty unique name that generally pertains to just one thing or at least one specie in that strata or whatever the heck scientists call it..

Ixora coccinea

nickname: Santan

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THE ESSENCE OF BEING AN ATENEAN

2004-09-24T11:08:00.000+08:00

A few days ago i was planning on writing something about our loss in the UAAP. Almost a week has passed since our heartbreaking loss to La Salle, a loss that eliminated any hope of winning the title, being a die-hard fan of the basketball team the ache for me is still there. I am not claiming that our team is the best in the league but like ANY student from ANY school I think our boys deserve the championship. They have worked so hard and fought so valiantly to prove that even after loosing one of our main players Larry Fonacier we could still have a shot at reclaiming our lost title. Many said that the Eagles soared too high too quickly and slowly burned out during the most crucial stages of the season. This may as well be true seeing the statistics of our losses to UE, DLSU, UP and FEU all very outstanding and worthy opponents. Statistics may stand. We did loose, badly at that. But what the statistics won't show is the WILL and HEART of the Ateneo community. I am now posting a letter that was sent out by a fellow Atenean that made me even PROUDER to be a part of this community.

In my more contemplative moments during college, my friends and I would sit on the top of the hill where the Church of the Gesu now stands, if only to get away from the maddening grind of school. We’d prefer to go there by the late afternoon when it was cool enough to pass time by playing the guitar and watching the people who’d cross from Bellarmine to Xavier Hall.

Last night, I was back on that hill. Making my way to Gesu after a humbling loss that ended our UAAP basketball season, I felt none of the customary feelings that follow a loss like this. Time was, I’d be almost as inconsolable as the players; taking the defeat hard, tossing and turning the long night away. But on that night, with the hauntingly beautiful himig heswita serving as a balm for all the hurting from all within, I felt proud of the boys. Proud of our players who we depend on for a part of our sense of pride and for the ultimate bragging rights. I also felt proud of the small congregation that had made its way to Gesu to lend that comforting hand to one another in a time of sorrow. Proud of the Atenean community that had rallied around the team.

As the team's bus made its way out of the Araneta Coliseum’s southgate, the boys tried hard to steel themselves in full view of the fans who patiently waited for anyone to come out. Watching them from inside a friend’s car, I rolled down the window to give them an unspoken salute among fellow Ateneans. Badjie looked at me and I pounded on my chest to remind them of the heart of an Atenean. He was one of those most devastated in the locker room in the aftermath of the game and despite the obvious pain, he returned the gesture.

Now at Gesu, after a simple celebration of our faith, I joined everyone as we gave thanks God and to all who had supported in most turbulent season. At the start of the Mass, Fr. Caluag had asked all the young children to sit up front. And there they were, decked in different sizes of blue and white. Many with replica jerseys of their heroes who were seated to their right. You could see the mood of the players lift somewhat. Yuri Escueta, Johann Uichico and Japeth Aguilar were noticeably smiling. Despite all, these young children BELIEVE and still do even after a devastating loss. And that thought was not lost on the players.

In a glimpse of the future, LA whispered to me before he boarded the team bus for a thanksgiving dinner at the Moro Lorenzo Sports Center, “babawi tayo.” And he too made that gesture of the heart of an Atenean.

The Ateneo Team B players who attended both the game and the Mass had that look of grim determination. They may not yet be playing in the UAAP, but they too felt the pain and promised to do well as they continue to represent Ateneo in other competitions.

Unnoticed in the predominantly college and alumni crowd was Blue Eaglet point guard Carlo Medina who from afar, watched his senior brothers file out for one final huddle with school officials. His look said, it all. We’ll go for a win. With most of the supporters gone home for the night, I stood with a few friends on the steps of the Church of the Gesu. Feeling happy yet a little bit still sad, I looked around the school where I grew up from Prep to College and had this final thought.

This is the place where I belong.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam

Animo Ateneo
- Larry Fonacier

I'm not sure if others would appreciate this letter as much as I did. Maybe, we're the only ones who could. Or I could also be just the only one. I posted this because I want to show others how we handled our loss. Yes, this is school PRIDE at it's finest. This is the strong affirmation of a line in our school song win or LOOSE this is the school we CHOOSE and I couldn't put it any better than that.

This letter never put anyone down unlike some essays out there and we didn't resort to violence like break car windshields after the loosing the game etc. In my opinion, we handled it as gracefully as we could especially the team. So if this is the proof of what others would call the "arrogance and superiority complex" of Ateneans then I'm the most arrogant person in the world and darn

proud of it.

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The 16th DAY

2004-09-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

It's SEPTEMBER 16.

Thank you for everything...Love You! Bye.

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AN ESSAY THAT COULD LAUCH ANOTHER WAR

2004-09-15T10:43:00.000+08:00

YUP PEOPLE I HAVE A LIVE ONE FRESH FROM MY E-MAIL ACCOUNT! Another written (and sort of published) peice that has a potential to start an all out school war.

Coming AGAIN from our bestfriends from DLSU. At least in this peice he didn't only make fun of Ateneo but other schools as well, even his alma mater at that. And compared to the last one, this one is relatively new since I only received it yesterday and it talked about the first game between ADMU and DLSU in UAAP's 67th Season...SOLID! (WHATEVER!) Just read it and you decide. I actually found it funny. No hard feelings, right. This is after all a free country. (",)

Again, I did not write this. I have no desire whatsoever of getting my head chopped off by disturbed and offended collegiates and alumnis of the different schools indicated.

Psycho Speaks...on School Pride

Any of you catch the previous La Salle - Ateneo game? The one where La Salle blew a 15-point half time lead? The one that robbed many a Green's wallet and savings accounts of their contents? The one that most of you rubbed in my face the moment you saw me? Yeah, that one. Well, it got me thinking of several things. Chief among which was how I can get away with bleeding Cardona's throat for choking YET AGAIN! But it also got me remembering about my college days. It seemed like eons ago and yet some feelings seem so fresh today even after 6 years.

I was a diehard Archer fan back then. Win or lose I'd be at the games, cheering and shouting for all I was worth. School Pride. You loved your campus and hated the others. We all outgrow it eventually. Or do we? Let's test it shall we? Listed below are several schools and what I think of them. Try to see what you feel after reading what this jack-off had to say about your university. Enjoy.

ATENEO

This school's trademark is arrogance. Nothing more, nothing less. I have, to this day, not met an Atenean who does not think that their school is THE best there is. Even La Sallites and um, uh, UP people (what do you> call yourselves anyway?) are not this shamelessly boastful. This does not mean to say however, that they are all pricks and witches. Some of the best buds I have are Ateneans. All two of them. But come on! Seriously, the only thing Ateneo can claim to be the best in is creating a 2-hour gridlock over a road stretching 3 damned kilometers!!!

Oh, and Interdisciplinary Studies is NOT a course. It's Jesuit charity for the incurably dumb and lazy.

ADAMSON

Hmmm, let's see what I can say about Adamson. Well, there's the fact that their school color is blue like Ateneo. Their team mascot is a bird like Ateneo. Aside from that, there's not a shred else. Damn this school is boring.

FEU and UE

Do any of you know what FEU stands for, Forever Useless! Yes, I'm an ass. But joking aside, the Far Eastern University and the University of the East are two schools whose names imply that at least one of them was founded by a group of people who had the creative, artistic, and imaginative prowess of a pile of rocks. Seriously though, these are feel good schools. If you don't believe me try visiting either campus. The moment you see them, you start feeling> good that you don't go there.

UP

Here's a school that, for better or worse, is totally bereft of any identity. Some people regard it as THE premier educational institution in> the country. There are those who, for good reason, look at it simply as one big vicious playground. And others see it as a breeding ground for militant wannabe rebels who try to lobby for whatever cause they deem to be in the country's best interest. For those of you who can truly relate with the latter you have to be in your late 40's or 50's. Shit you're OLD!!! La lang. I favor the first two views. It really IS the best educational institution there is. And I'm not just saying that because I'm surrounded all day by UP graduates who'd just as soon throw me off the 11th floor balcony given the slightest provocation as look at me. I really, really do believe...that they will kill me if I say anything bad against UP. Can you blame me? The only thing longer than the list of UP's distinguished alumni (Miriam Defensor included) is the list of all the in-campus violence. There's a psycho lurking deep inside each UP educated man/woman/child. This will be confirmed by the amount of hate mail I'll be receiving from them.

UST

Here's a school that will totally drag down one's social status just by being enrolled in it. I don't care how rich you are or how cultured you may be, if you're from UST it don't mean shit. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I know of several obnoxious AB kids who were brought down several pegs while studying there and are now some of the nicest, most unassuming people to walk this planet. It's funny to note how much this place of learning mirrors the current social state of the country every time the UAAP season kicks in. Come the basketball tournament, they're all friends. You see them chanting, clapping, and giving each other high-fives. United by a common goal, the rich and the poor are united as one. After the event is passed, they all go back to hating each other.

DLSU

Di Lumusot Sa UPCAT. That's a classic ain't it? It's as hilarious now as it was when I first heard it in 1994, which is to say, it's about as funny as getting kicked in the crotch. It's sad to note for a proud alumnus such as myself that a school with as impressive an academic pedigree as La Salle has become nothing more than a money-hungry institution whose only requirements for acceptance nowadays seem to be a pulse, an IQ over 80, and the financial capacity/ability to pay.

Nowadays, whenever I incounter a person clayming to be from La Sall and they speech bad, have poor grammage, and cannot spill correctness, I am not surprice.

NU

I'm not even sure if this place is a real school. And I don't mean that in a snooty-you're-nothing-compared-to-my-school way. I mean I'm not even sure this place actually exists. I actually started believing that its initials really stood for Negative sa UPCAT. Think about it. Do any of you really know anyone from NU? Do any of you even know of anyone who knows anybody from NU? And if any of you even point to their basketball team and the audience that watches its games as proof of its existence, I beg you to think of this point. They act like absolute maniacs and they even look the part. If we go by that, then the National University is not a school. It's a correctional facility.

CSB

This school has had a bad rep since the day of its inception. Admittedly, it started out as a place where DLSU can deposit its non-performing students so as not to give up the sizeable revenues from those hopeless bastards who have the money to shell out but not the ability to count it. Everybody knows this already. What people don't know is that CSB now boasts of fine world class courses designed to equip the Benildean with the tools necessary to succeed in the real world. These courses include
Basic Arithmetic majoring in the> Multiplication Table, Whining with a specialization on Tantrums, and the> ever popular Strategic Investments: What to do with your Parents' Money.

CRC/UAP

Them Opus Dei folks can slap it with whatever initials they deem fit, it would still not change the fact that this school will forever be known not by its academic achievements but more by the fact that it is the only school with a car to student ratio nearing 1:1. (No my dear CSB students> and alums, that is not read as one colon one.) The meanest thing one can say about CRC is that it's a school filled with students rich enough to be Ateneans, but will never be smart enough to be such. The nicest thing one can say about CRC is that it's near a Starbucks open until 2 am.

Now I realize I might have offended some people out there. Let me tell you right now that I am whole-heartedly and humbly sorry. I am sorry that you have no sense of humor and nobody had the heart to whack your uptight head when you were growing up.

For those of you did appreciate this, I give seminars on insensitivity and creatively callous writing. Feel free to email me.

Peace and chill folks.

-psycho!!!

There! You decide if you found it offending etc. I didn't. But i just have one question. I am seriously wondering, Why do people see Ateneans as arrogant pricks?!?! Are we really!?!? Of course i may be...no make that I AM biased but i honestly don't think so. We're just as proud and probably as cocky as any school out there especially the ones that came from the writer's alma mater. And another question, do the teachers over there make essays-that-degrade-other-schools as an assignment?!?!

I wonder,why is it, that for (ahem!) "arrogant pricks" apparently such as myself, we don't make essays like this but they do. Isn't that called, oh I don't know...
hipocrisy?!?

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CONTROVERSIAL ARTICLE

2004-09-11T14:34:00.000+08:00

This article has been passed on from one Atenean to another even Lassalians. I'm pretty sure if you're from La Salle or Ateneo you have read or at the very least HEARD of this article. Hehehe.

Atenean Superiority Complex: What's the source of all this pride?

Ateneans are proud to be Ateneans. That's fine. That's wonderful. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. In the same way, LaSallians are proud to be from La Salle. And the UP Maroons are proud to have studied in UP, and the students from FEU, UST, Adamson, National University, and the University of the East, I'm willing to bet, are proud of being from their respective schools. That's natural. That's fine. But there's something wrong with the way Ateneans project their pride. To them it's like they're better because they're from Ateneo.

When they are defeated, they look at the trophy they failed to win and then they look at the winner and they say, "At least, we're from THE Ateneo". And the rest of us look at them and think, "So what?" The worst part is these jerks don't get it that we don't get what they're so fucking proud of.

They say stuff like "I have a diploma from Ateneo" or "I graduated from Ateneo". Big fucking deal. We all have or will have diplomas. We all graduated or will graduate from somewhere. What are they trying to say? That their diploma is better than ours? Why the fuck would that be? Because they come from an extremely proud school? But what exactly are they proud of? Losing?

In what field does Ateneo excel above all others? I really want to know. They're obviously not the most athletic school. There is no evidence that they're better than any of the top schools in the Philippines, academically speaking. Where did they get that idea anyway? That they have superior academics?

What kind of grass are they growing in those fields? And why is their administration letting them smoke it?

And why do they refer to their school as "THE Ateneo". What kind of fucked up English are they teaching there? Not even the biggest universities in the United States refer to themselves this way. Ever hear anyone say that they graduated from "THE Harvard" or that they have a degree from "THE Stanford". If we follow their logic, then I guess we can now refer to "THE Adamson" and "THE Far Eastern". You motherfuckers. Where did they teach you to use the word "THE" anyway? What dickhead of a professor told you it's okay to use "THE" before a proper noun? Do you know when "THE" is commonly used before a proper noun? When you refer to something totally distinct. Like "THE Michael Jordan". So when you motherfuckers refer to "THE Ateneo", I guess we should all just assume that you're referring to that school on Katipunan with the turkey on the gym? And not the Law School or some Ateneo school God-knows-where. Because otherwise, we'd have to reach the conclusion that you actually believe your school to be above the rest. And that, motherfuckers, is just pure arrogance considering there is NO proof that it is. Believe it, assholes. Only in Ateneo is Ateneo "THE Ateneo". Everywhere else, Ateneo's just another school. Don't go claiming you're better unless you can prove it. And no, shitheads, it's not enough to say you're from "THE Ateneo" because like I said, only you give a fuck. All that means is that you have decent grades (maybe), have moneyed parents and/or know the right people. But that's most of us too, motherfuckers. Except we don't have a bad attitude.

Don't call yourself our archrivals. Archrivals are supposed to be on the same level. You are not. While we're dancing with the angels, you're about a hundred million levels below shit.

"Men for others," my ass. You dickheads are the most self-absorbed group of myopic outcasts I've ever seen.

Just ask any school. People may hate De La Salle because we kick ass. But they definitely hate you because you guys are just that... asses.

A reply to : Atenean Superiority Complex : What's the source of all this pride?

Fellow Ateneans, we cant just keep quiet like this. Enough's enough, we've been targetted too much. This is the line drawn. Allow me to step down from the heavens and give time in answering this pathetic person's attempt to fuck reality.

Yes deary. Ateneans are proud to be Ateneans and thats hella fine. Thats quite wonderful. And as you said, there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH IT. And i Agree with you in saying that all the other schools are also proud to have studied there. Right? Thats natural! Thats fine. But there's something wrong with the way WE project our pride? There goes your mistake Miss beautiful. We're not saying we are better but since you opened this up, might as well go with your stupid flow.

When we do not win a trophy, we look at it and say. "At least we're from the Ateneo." and we did our best. We don't go fumbling about telling people "WE GOT CHEATED" or "TSAMBA LANG YAN" like some pathetic excuse of a university does. We take it as a challenge and so what. At least we're from the ateneo that we were taught not to FUSS over shitty topics like these. We look at you guys and say " SO what? WE DONT CARE WHAT YAH THINK."

Yes you might graduate somewhere and also probably get a diploma for having such a freakin mind. But God, go to an office and present your EQUAL diploma and we'll see what they say. Besides that didn't come from us, ASK AROUND. or maybe USE YOUR GOD DAMN COMMON SENSE, Where were you when God was giving away brains? Did you hide somewhere? Coz i dont see signs of that WONDERFUL gift. Got beautiful words, quite inspiring but nonetheless SHIT. Im getting tired of answering your freakin assumptions. Our diploma is better? Stop implying. What exactly are we proud of? Coz we are in a good school. TOO BAD YOU DONT FEEL THE SAME.

We are not the most athletic school, but we still made our name in different sports and we take care of our athletes. WE don't go around BRIBING rival athletes into our core. Thats way BULL!

Academically speaking? HELLO?! EARTH TO THIS AUTHOR?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! GOT LOST FOR 15 YRS INSIDE YOUR ASS?! There is practically no point in answering this academic issue. Maybe you just need to open your eyes and breathe the fresh air coz with the way you are presenting your guesses.. i can say you've been away from your rational mind for a long time, A VERY LONG TIME.

And oh.. we dont smoke our grasses. Maybe you do, but we dont, we take care of them and i dont see much grass in your school either. STOP SHOVING IT INSIDE YOUR LUNGS I GUESS.

Why "THE" Ateneo? Coz we like it that way. Why? Inggit kayo? God, you can use it too, we DONT OWN it if thats your point. so stop bitchin around. And hello, "THE" before a proper noun? Have you ever heard of "going to the PHILIPPINES?" going to "THE" United States?DUH! UR MAKING GOOD USE OF YOUR SIMPLISTIC BRAIN AGAIN. Its not our fault that you are not that well informed of your english. The next time you write a "SARCASTIC" essay, CONFIRM WITH YOUR TEACHER. Arent you ashamed that people read this and they'll see how TRYING you are?

MAGTAGALOG KA NALANG!

Now ain't the ATENEO distinct? aint DLSU distinct? DUH! BRAINS AGAIN FREAK?!

Turkey? oh cmon! Does that look like a turkey? Have you by any chance encountered ZOOLOGY in your very EXTENSIVE PARALLEL education?! Ask 10 people if that looks like a turkey and if you get 10 people? LUCKY YOU! YOU MUST BE IN TASADAY COUNTRY!

School ALONG Katipunan not ON Katipunan, we dont have classes BESIDE main roads, (Like some GOOD schools. *ahem*) ESPECIALLY NOT ON them. As what I've said consult with your extremely good english professors first before you send something like this.

Ateneo School GOD KNOWS WHERE? well.. *hint**hint* of course God knows where and like EVERY OTHER PERSON IN MANILA THAT'S SOMEONE. Ever been to a place called ROCKWELL? or Just cant afford it. Ever heard of Makati? Tsk tsk, pretending to be an elitist yet falters. How i wish you'd just shut up. Sorry that our school aint set up SOMEWHERE you'd be familiar of. Don't worry we'll propose to have one built in the outskirts of Bacnotan or somewhere.

There you go again with your beautiful statements that make me fall in love with you. ABOVE THE REST?! Are you talking geographically wise or just another one of your WITTY or lemme say SHITTY remarks? This is not pure arrogance, but extremely pure STUPIDITY considering there is NO proof that we are what you call we are.

Yes we do believe that only in Ateneo is it "The" Ateneo, because we like our school, we refer to it as something distinct and we treat it with this certain formality. If we're the only ones who give a fuck, then why the hell would you spend time in making this SHITTY essay that practically complies with one essay we've read for ENGLISH.

"HOW TO SAY NOTHING IN FIVE HUNDRED WORDS."

Maybe we do have decent grades (do you?), maybe we might have moneyed parents (I'm sure you do too), maybe we know the right people(that wouldn't be you). That's most of you? THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SO FREAKY WITH THIS.

Uhm excuse me, "motherfuckers" C'mon! There's one thing they should teach you. VALUES. You dont have a bad attitude, yes. YOU HAVE THE WORST KIND OF ATTITUDE POSSIBLE.

You call us your archrivals.
Dancing with the angels? Oh cmon, you'll never get that close. Lucifer was an angel. Um.. so maybe you might be right.

Hundred Million Levels below shit? So a Hundred Million levels below you guys. Better there than anywhere near you inconsiderate, pridish excuses for university goers.

"Men for others." Yes! who's so self-absorbed in opening up something like this. ARE YOU BORED OR SOMETHING or you just really cant put your brain up for anything else rewarding.

Now peeps, who's so pathetic and who's so self-absorbed. Whew, scary words huh, i dont even think you know what myopic means. People may hate Ateneo coz you say we are asses. Might agree with you there. Maybe we are asses. But People hate De La Salle because you kick ass? I think I'd have to contest to that.. Kick ass? or Kiss ass?

Just ask any school. :)
yr 2001

.....Whew! After all that...all I can say is.... we're all proud of our schools and we just have to accept and respect that. I admit that I am proud to be an Atenean and I don't think anyone can fault me for that. And even if the rivalry is INTENSE, we all have to admit that it fuels ALL the schools. it's actually healthy as long as no one really takes it personally. I mean I have friends from La Salle but that doesn't make me less of an Atenean as someone who doesn't have any friends from La Salle.....Yun Lang!!!!! (",)

GO ATENEO!!!!

We are the Ateneo Blue Eagles, when we walk we stumble for we are not made to walk, we are made to fly and reach the sky that others could only dream about....

No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

MISSED CHANCES

2004-09-11T13:42:00.000+08:00

Here is another story I got from somewhere. (",) well... judging from the title it is another bittersweet love story. haaayyy....

Again, i DID not write this. This has been going around and I just felt like posting it.

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... A cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken care of by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out even just this once. So he asked his mother and she gave him permission.

He walked down his block and found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight.

He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.

She looked up and asked "Can I help you?"She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there. He said "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD." He picked one out and gave her money for it."Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.He nodded and she went to the back.She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store.He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store.

He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...!!!

RRRRRING!!!

The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said,

"You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."

The line was quiet except for the cries ofthe boy's mother. Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet.

She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.

It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me?

Love,Jacelyn

The mother opened another CD...Again there was a piece of paper. It said:Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go outwith me? Love, Jacelyn

No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

ELECTRONIC SEIGE

2004-09-11T13:18:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry i know i haven't been updating. i just couldn't really find the time to surf. oohhh...did i mention i lost ALL my computer files because our computer crashed. even my cellphone encountered problems that i had to change my memory card so now i have no quotes, pictures, phone numbers, ringtones etc. on my phone. haaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy..........................

Did all our electronic appliances conspire against me?!

No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

CRY

2004-08-14T10:11:00.000+08:00

Haay... I'm feeling this ache again. A kind of hollowness, despair .....longing.

For what?! i don't know.

For who?! maybe...who knows?! i certainly don't!

i'm aching but i can't cry out. i'm longing and wanting for something... anything but i don't know what. i can't cry out. so this is where i'll just cry. ouch! No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

TWENTY QUESTIONS

2004-08-08T11:18:00.000+08:00

This play won in the palanca awards, dulaang isang yugto category. And since I LOVE fanfictions. Pwede na to kahit play lang. I got this from the oringian and roentgen yahoo group. This is amazing. I have been meaning to post it ages ago I guess it was only now that I found the time.

DISCLAIMER: I did NOT write this. Another amazing writer did. I dunno who. No infringement intended. (",)

THE TWENTY QUESTIONS

MGA TAUHAN

Jigs Fresh grad. Kabarkada ni Yumi. Magtatrabaho bilang researcher sa isang financial firm

Yumi Commercial Model. Kabarkada ni Jigs. 2 years ahead kay Jigs.

TAGPO

Gabi. Sa isang kwarto ng isang beach resort. Naglalatag ng kumot si Jigs sa sahig habang inaayos ni Yumi ang kanyang higaan.

YUMI Sige na, Jigs. Huwag ka nang magpaka-gentle man. Naaawa ako sa'yo e. Tabi na tayo sa kama.

JIGS Hindi, okay lang ako dito.

YUMI Huwag ka nang maarte. As if naman re-rapin kita no. Malaki naman itong kama e. Hatiin na lang natin sa gitna.

JIGS Sure ka?

YUMI Hindi mo naman siguro ako mamanyakin no?

JIGS (Matatawa) Okay ka lang?

YUMI Kung gusto mo, gamitin na lang natin iyang kumot na divider.

JIGS Good idea.

Isasampay nila ang kumot mula sa kisame para mahati ang kama sa gitna. Magsesettle down ang dalawa. Ilalabas ni Jigs ang libro niya: Puppy Love and other Stories ni F. Sionil Jose. Si Yumi naman ay magpapatugtog ng Japanese Zen Music habang nagsa-zazen.

YUMI Do you mind?

JIGS No, go ahead. I'm just reading.

Magsa-zazen si Yumi. Magbabasa si Jigs. Pareho silang di maka-concentrate. Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player niya.

YUMI I can't believe our friends.

JIGS Oo nga e.

YUMI Dapat ginagawa nila 'to sa mga bagong pasok sa barkada o kaya sa bagong...ay oo nga pala. Bagong graduate ka. Congrats.

JIGS Thanks.

YUMI So what're your plans?

JIGS Kinukuha akong researcher sa ADB. Kinukuha rin ako ng BPI sa OTP nila.

YUMI Wow naman. In demand.

JIGS Di naman masyado. Who the hell invented this tradition anyway?

YUMI (Matatawa) You won't believe it.

JIGS Ikaw?

YUMI Malay ko ba na mabibiktima rin ako nito balang-araw.

JIGS So why did you start it?

YUMI Wala ka pa sa tropa nun e. Freshman ka pa lang siguro noon. Wala lang. Napagtripan lang namin si Ronald. E may crush siya kay Meg. Noong unang beses magpunta rito ng barkada, sabi ko, magsimula kami ng tradition. Ilo-lottery namin ang pangalan ng mga lalaki at ng mga babae. Kung sino ang mabubunot, silang dalawa ang pagsasamahin sa isang kwarto sa loob ng tatlong araw. And then, we'll all see what happens. Pero dinaya namin noon yung kay Ronald at Meg. Puro Ronald at Meg ang mga pangalan na nakalagay sa lottery.

JIGS (Tatawa) Ang sama ninyo!

YUMI Kaya nga nakarma na ako e.

JIGS So is our case, dinaya? O talagang lottery?

YUMI (Teasing) Ano sa dalawa ang gusto mo?

JIGS Feeling ko may nagtrip sa'kin sa barkada e.

YUMI Excuse me po, dalawa tayong biktima dito. I don't see any reason kung bakit tayong dalawa ang sasadyaing biktima this year, unless may crush ka sa'kin na di ko alam at alam nila (tatawa).

JIGS Baka ikaw (tatawa).

YUMI The success rate of this tradition is 100% so far.

JIGS I was here na the 2nd time. Si Chris at si Cia ang biktima.

YUMI And last year were Rod and Kay. They're getting married kailan? Sa June yata.

JIGS What do! you expect? Ikukulong mo ang isang lalaki at isang babae sa isang kwarto for three days, imposibleng walang mangyari doon!

YUMI That was exactly my point. (Ngingiti)

JIGS E kung may madisgrasya?

YUMI Ano'ng disgrasya?

JIGS Alam mo na Eyun!

Hahawiin ni Yumi ang divider nilang kumot.

YUMI Ano? Sex? Pa'no kung magsex sila? Nakakatawa ka naman. Di mo masabi.

JIGS Ang alin?

YUMI Ang sex!

JIGS Hah!

YUMI Sige nga sabihin mo nga?

JIGS Para kang tanga. Tumigil ka nga.

YUMI Shet, Jigs. Graduate ka na totoy ka pa rin!

JIGS Excuse me?

YUMI Sabihin mo nga: B3Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!B2

JIGS Para kang bata, Yumi ha.

YUMI You used to call me ate Yumi when you were in third year.

JIGS Well, graduate na po ako, ate Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Hmmm. I wonder if we're gonna last three days.

YUMI (Teasing) Bakit? Ayaw mo sa'kin?

Di sasagot si Jigs.

YUMI We're gonna survive this one.

JIGS What makes you so sure?

YUMI No offense, Jigs. I honestly find you very attractive pero I've no time for this. Alam mo naman siguro na kaka-break ko lang.

JIGS Same here.

YUMI Same here what? Na you find me attractive or you don't have time for this? (Matatawa)

Di sasagot si Jigs. Tahimik. Io-on ulit ni Yumi ang CD player at ipagpapatuloy ang zazen. Itatabi ni Jigs ang libro. Nawalan na siya ng ganang magbasa. Pupunta siya sa ref. Bubuksan niya ito.

JIGS Hah! (Sarcastic) Perfect! Red Wine! How very conducive.

YUMI May chips ba diyan?

JIGS Sa awa ng Diyos, may tsibog naman.

Papatayin ni Yumi ang CD player. Tatayo siya at kukuha ng chips sa ibabaw ng ref.

YUMI Since we're gonna be stuck naman with each other for three days, might as well make the best out of it di ba? I-enjoy na lang natin.

JIGS What do you mean?

YUMI Get the wine, let's have a drink! 50 hours to go na lang and we're gonna be the first failure of this tradition.

JIGS Oo nga. (Kukunin ang wine. Maglalagay sa dalawang baso.) When they chose Cia and Chris, naiintindihan ko pa e. Lalo na sina Rod and Kay. Kung baga, tinulungan lang natin silang umamin sa isa't isa. Pero us...

YUMI Weird ng barkada natin no?

JIGS To our barkada and our weird traditions!

YUMI To us, the first failure of this tradition!

Magto-toast sila at iinom.

JIGS Sige, ate Yumi. Let's make our stay here more interesting...

YUMI What's with the ate?

JIGS Fine...

Bubuksan ni Yumi ang chips. Uupo sila pareho sa sahig para magkwentuhan.

JIGS Let's play twenty questions.

YUMI Sige! Ano yon?

JIGS Each of us will have ten questions each. Tatanungin kita, tatanungin mo ako, mga gusto nating malaman sa isa't isa. Alternate tayo. Pero the thing here is, you can't ask the question that I already asked.

YUMI That's pretty interesting.

JIGS At bawal magsinungaling.

YUMI Fair enough. Pero whatever is said inside this room remains in the room. Ok?

JIGS Of course. You wanna start?

YUMI No. I want to ask the last ques! tion. (Ngingiti at kikindatan si Jigs)

JIGS Smart move. Game. First question: Ano ang greatest frustration mo sa buhay?

YUMI Nge. Ang korni naman ng tanong mo. Walang ka-challenge-challenge. Ask me something na mag-iisip naman ako.

JIGS Simula pa lang e.

YUMI Sige. Ano nga ba...?

JIGS Akala ko ba walang ka-challenge-challenge?

YUMI Wag kang maingay, nag-iisip ako...I'm a frustrated ballet dancer.

JIGS Talaga?

YUMI I took lessons when I was six pero umayaw ako. Wala kasi akong disiplina e. Mas gusto kong makipaglaro sa mga kalaro ko. Pero I really enjoy watching ballet dancers. When I see them dance parati kong naiisip na sana, ako rin. There! Ang dali naman ng tanong mo. Walang thrill.

JIGS Appetizer lang. Yari ka sa'kin mamaya.

YUMI We'll see. Ako naman: Did you ever have doubts about your sexuality? I mean, kahit minsan ba, naisip mo na bakla ka?

JIGS Never.

YUMI Bilis ng sagot a.

JIGS Coz I never entertained the idea.

YUMI Homophobe ka ba?

JIGS Alternate tayo sa tanungan, di ba?

YUMI So, not once? Kahit konti? Kahit what if lang?

JIGS I'm straight, okay?

YUMI I'm not asking if you're gay or not. I'm asking kung...

JIGS Never nga.

YUMI We all thought na you were gay. Well at least nung first few months mo sa tropa before you introduced your girlfriend to us.

JIGS What?! You thought I was gay?!

YUMI E pa'no kasi, masyado kang mabait. Ang pogi-pogi mo, pero parang allergic ka sa mga babae. Over ang pagiging gentleman mo. ! Too good to be true. You have a good body, it seems that you work out pero iniisip namin front mo lang yun. Kadalasan kasi front ng mga bakla ang pagiging maganda ng katawan nila at pagiging sporty...

Tatawa lang si Jigs.

YUMI So we thought it's either that or you were planning to become a priest.

JIGS What?!

YUMI Well, you were always this goody-goody person. Pumupunta ka sa chapel. Nangungumpisal, nagsisimba...

JIGS The way you said it, parang equivalent ang dalawa a.

YUMI Of course not. I didn't mean that!

JIGS I take my faith seriously. That doesn't make me gay!

YUMI So you did want to become a priest...

JIGS Hindi rin. Actually, I always wanted to raise a family...and be a father.

Tahimik.

YUMI So you're not gay.

JIGS No.

YUMI You never...

JIGS Ilang beses ka ba ipinanganak? Kulit mo e. It's my turn.

YUMI Homophobe ka no?

JIGS Hindi kaya!

YUMI Whatever...

JIGS Ako na, daya mo naman e.

YUMI Okay, okay. Shoot me.

JIGS How do you see yourself five years from now?

YUMI You expect to win this game? Ang kokorni ng mga tanong mo e.

JIGS The object of this game is not to win.

YUMI E ano pa ba?

JIGS To get to know the other person.

YUMI Sure. Basta ako, I will win this game. Walang thrill ang isang game kung walang nananalo.

JIGS Sagot.

YUMI May time limit ba Eto? (Tatawa) Wine pa nga.

JIGS Sabi nga nila: in vino veritas.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

YUMI Masarap ang wine, ha? Saan kaya nabili ito? (Iinom) To answer your question, either maging entrepreneur ako, magsisimula ako ng sarili kong botique or bar, o kaya, magiging artista ako sa pelikula.

JIGS Not bad.

YUMI Pero mukhang malabo yung stint ko sa movies. Tough ang competition e. Saka mahina ang manager ko. Panay hosting at pictorials ang nakukuhang raket para sa akin. Papalitan ko na nga e. Pag nakaipon ako, baka magtayo na lang ako ng botique.

JIGS (Magbibiro) Ayaw mo mag-bold?

YUMI Yuck!

JIGS Lahat ng gustong mag-artista doon dumadaan.

YUMI May talent naman ako kahit papano a!

JIGS Lahat naman ng bold star may talent a! Sa dibdib! (Tatawa)

YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Bastos ka talaga! Akala ko goody-goody ka...Hindi ko pa! patulan ang pagbobold kahit ano'ng mangyari no! Kahit ganito ako, may respeto pa rin naman ako sa sarili ko.

JIGS Ganito? Ano'ng ganito?

Di sasagutin ni Yumi ang tanong.

YUMI These producers think all the people want is sex, sex, sex! Kaya puro basura ang mga pelikula e. Wine pa nga!

JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine) Bakit naman botique?

YUMI Hoy madaya ka na ha? Hindi pa ako lasing. Ako na'ng magtatanong. Ang korni mo namang magtanong. Bigatan naman natin nang konti...Inom ka muna.

Iinom si Jigs. Magsasalin siya ng bago.

YUMI Who was your first crush in the barkada?

Tahimik.

YUMI Haha! Bingo ka no? Bagal mo naman sumagot.

Iinumin ang wine. Magsasalin ng bago.

JIGS Lalaki o babae?

Tatawa sila pareho.

YUMI Dapat may time limit ito e.

Tahimik.

JIGS Hirap naman ng tanong mo.

YUMI Iyon nga ang maganda e. Para may thrill. As if naman ibo-broadcast ko sa barkada kung sino.

JIGS Wine pa?

YUMI Di mo pa sinasagot yung tanong ko, nagtatanong ka na!

Magsasalin ng wine si Jigs kay Yumi.

JIGS Yung crush ko kasi...siyempre, sino pa ba? E di yung pinakamaganda sa barkada.

YUMI Nge. Subjective yon no! Para sa'kin ang pinakagwapo si Joel. Sa babae, si Kay. Para kay Ronald, si Meg...

JIGS Yung literally na may dating'walang tanung-tanong. Yung kahit sino'ng tanungin mo sa tropa, objectively, siya ang isasagot.

YUMI Jigs, twenty questions ang game natin. Hindi guessing game. C'mon man. Play your own game. Pa'no na kung truth or dare to e di pahirapan na. Dadalawa na nga lang tayo e.

JIGS Yung commercial model.

Matitigilan si Yumi.

YUMI Wine pa nga.

Magsasalin si Jigs. Mag-iisip si Yumi. Iinom. Biglang matatawa.

YUMI (Tumatawa pa rin) Talaga?

JIGS Sige, pagtawanan ba?

YUMI You can say it to my face, I won't bite. Bakit hirap na hirap kang sabihin kung sino? Takot kang ma-reject? Parang tanong lang e...Wine pa nga!

JIGS Okay, 1 point ka na...

YUMI (Ngiti) Gee...thanks. Flattered naman ako. At kailan naman nangyari ito?

JIGS Sorry, my turn to ask. (Ngingiti) Who is your crush in the barkada...NOW?

YUMI E ginaya mo lang yung tanong ko e.

JIGS Hinde no. May qualifier ako. Ang sabi ko, NOW. Ang tanong mo, first crush ko.

YUMI Korni pa rin. Alam mo, kung basketball Eto, tambak ka na.

JIGS Just answer the question.

YUMI Siyempre wala. I told you, I don't have time for these stuff. Kakabreak ko lang di ba?

JIGS Korni mo namang sumagot.

YUMI E korni yung tanong e. Pero kung talagang-talagang kailangan kong sumagot...hmmm...teka...sino nga ba? Sino ba'ng crush material sa barkada? Wala akong maisip e. Ikaw na lang.

JIGS Yung seryoso naman.

YUMI Seryoso ako. Ayaw mo yata e. Sige, iba na lang...

JIGS E napipilitan ka lang e.

YUMI Uy! Pa'no ba'yan? MU na tayo? Crush mo ko, crush kita...yiheee (Tatawa).

JIGS Dati pa 'yon no!

YUMI Ay? Di mo na ko crush? Bakit, na turn-off ka? Ano namang ginawa ko? Tsk. Tsk.

JIGS Is that your question na?

YUMI Oy, hinde! Ito naman...di ba pwedeng mag-follow-up?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

YUMI Fine. Here's a little juicy question: Describe your first kiss.

JIGS That's not even a question.

YUMI Arte mo. O: How was your first kiss like?

Matatawa si Jigs.

JIGS Wet.

YUMI Yuck!

Magtatawanan sila.

JIGS Alam mo, aksidente yung first kiss ko. Close kasi kami nung isa kong kaibigan. Pag naggu-goodbye ako sa kanya, parati ko siyang kini-kiss sa noo. E one time, sa gym habang nagpapahinga, nakaupo siya sa sahig. Tinatamad siyang tumayo. So bumaba ako nang konti para halikan siya sa noo kasi pauwi na ako. E siya naman, para maabot ko, medyo tumingala. E sakto, sa lips ko siya nahalikan. Pareho kaming nagulat. Pero di pa kami naghiwalay agad. Weird nga ang feeling e. Parang may glue! . Ayaw na namin maghiwalay pareho...

Tawa pa rin si Yumi

YUMI Awww. Ang sweet naman. Parang sa pelikula. Si Krissy ba Eto?

JIGS Hindi. Hindi mo siya kilala.

YUMI So what happened? Nagkatuluyan kayo?

JIGS Nope.

YUMI Ha?

JIGS Ewan ko ba. Complicated kasi yung situation namin e. May boyfriend siya noon. Ako naman, takot pa sa isang relationship. Pero at least,na-discover namin na pareho pala kaming may gusto sa isa't isa. Pero hanggang doon na lang.

YUMI What happened after?

JIGS We talked about it. We both decided na it wont work. Tapos, bigla na lang, hindi na kami nagkikita. And then, I met you guys, iba na ang barkada ko.

YUMI Nakakatuwa naman.

JIGS Ikaw, pa'no yung first kiss mo?

YUMI Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin ng game na ito di ba? Bakit ba lagi mong bini-break ang rules? Di mo na pwedeng tanungin 'yan!

JIGS Tine-testing ko lang kung lasing ka na. (Iinom ng wine) Okay,naka-warm-up na ako: What was the naughtiest thing you ever did?

YUMI 'Yan ang mga tanong! Ano ba'ng ibig mong sabihin ng naughty?

JIGS Bahala kang mag-define.

YUMI Hmmm...marami e...(matatawa) baka maeskandalo ka.

JIGS Kanina ayaw mo ng korni. Ngayong medyo exciting naman...

YUMI Eto na...I had two boyfriends at the same time.

JIGS (Nagulat) Hala.

YUMI I was with Joel and Zach at the same time.

JIGS Yikes. Alam ba ni Joel?

YUMI Kaya nga kami naghiwalay nun e. Nahuli ako (matatawa).

JIGS Ano namang pumasok sa kukote mo't ginawa mo Eyon, aber?

YUMI Nag-eexperiment lang! ako. E sa type ko sila pareho e. Ano'ng magagawa ko? Saka para may thrill. Alam mo Eyon? Yung patago kang nakikipag-date sa isa para di mahuli. Everyday pa akong nakakalibre, kasi, alternate sila! (Tatawa) Akala n'yo kayo lang mga lalaki ang pwedeng gumawa no'n?

JIGS How can you love two guys at the same time?

YUMI Who said something about love? Walang kinalaman ang love dun. I was...having fun!

JIGS Nainlove ka na ba, ever?

YUMI Nakakailang tanong ka na? It's my turn.

JIGS Don't you want to answer the question anyway?

YUMI My turn!

JIGS Kulang ka pa sa wine. (Tatawa)

Ubos na ang unang wine bottle. Kukuha si Jigs ng isa pa sa ref.

JIGS Ang bilis nating uminom a.

YUMI Are you still a virgin?

JIGS Whoa! Where did that come from?

YUMI That's my fourth question.

JIGS (Magsasalin ng wine sa mga baso). Ano sa tingin mo?

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tititigan lang siya ni Yumi.

YUMI Don't tell me, wala pang nangyayari sa inyo ni Krissy hanggang ngayon? Ilang taon na ba kayo?

JIGS Mag-tu-two years na sana next week.

YUMI So virgin ka pa? I don't believe it!

JIGS Mukha ba akong tarantado?

YUMI Mukha kang nagpapaiyak ng babae e.

JIGS Insulto ba yon?

YUMI Compliment yon, tanga.

JIGS Ah, okay. Thanks.

YUMI Pero, you mean, you never felt the urge to do it?

JIGS Alin? Sex?

YUMI Wow! Nasabi rin niya!

JIGS Of course I always feel it. Natural lang 'yon sa tao no? Nasa iyo na lang 'yan kung ano'ng gagawin mo sa urge na 'yon.

YUMI E natural naman pala e. Bakit mo pinipigilan? I mean, pag naiihi ka, iihi ka. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka. Pareho lang 'yon, di ba?

JIGS Pag naiihi ka, iihi ka dahil kailangan mong umihi. At hindi ka iihi kahit saan. Pupunta ka sa banyo. Pag nagugutom ka, kakain ka dahil kailangan. At hindi mo kinakain ang lahat ng pagkain na ihain sa iyo. Pag di ka gutom, di ka kakain. Pag di mo gusto yung pagkain, di mo gagalawin. Ang aso, pag may nakitang pagkain diyan, walang tanung-tanong. Lalamon 'yan.

YUMI And sex is the same?

JIGS Lahat ng bagay, nilalagay sa lugar. May context. At least, yun ang nagpaiba sa atin sa aso.

YUMI Grabe ka namang magsalita. Para mo na ring sinabing lahat ng nakikipagsex, aso ah!

JIGS Sinasabi ko lang, pag wala sa tamang konteksto, mali.

YUMI And what is that context?

JIGS Matanda na tayo. Ayokong maging preachy. Alam na natin 'yan.

Tahimik.

JIGS Kaso, kahit alam na natin, minsan di pa rin natin ginagawa.

Tahimik.

JIGS Masarap e. Sino ba'ng ayaw nun?

Tahimik.

YUMI (Medyo nairita) So feeling mo santo ka at dapat kang i-congratulate for being a virgin!

JIGS Sinasabi ko lang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Ineexplain ko lang kung bakit di ko ginagawa. May kanya-kanya tayong dahilan. Di ko pinipilit kahit kanino ang mga paniniwala ko...No need to get so cross about it, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS It's not about being a virgin or not. It's about putting things into their proper places.

YUMI I'm not arguing with you.

JIGS Me neither. I'm just answering your questions.

Matagal na katahimikan.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Titignan niya si Yumi na medyo nairita sa nakaraang train of conversation nila. Magsasalin siya ng wine para kay Yumi.

JIGS Nasobrahan ka na yata sa wine e. (Tatawa) You still wanna go on with the game? Nine pa lang tayo, eleven more to go. (Ngingiti)

YUMI Shoot me.

JIGS Who was your first lay?

YUMI (Hahampasin ng unan si Jigs) Ang bastos mo talaga! So inaassume mo na hindi na ako virgin?

JIGS E sabi mo kasi, walang thrill ang game pag walang nananalo e. So I guess I'm winning. Saka wala naman akong inimply na ganun a! I'm just hitting two birds with one stone. Kasi kung virgin ka, e di simple lang ang sagot: wala. Kung hindi naman, e di sino?

YUMI Ang daya mo.

JIGS Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng korning tanong.

YUMI You think I'll answer that after giving your sermon, Father Jigs?

JIGS Ano ka ba? Inexplain ko lang yung personal reasons ko. Kung ano man ang sa iyo, I'll respect them as well as I know you respect mine. I'm no saint. I'm just trying to get to know you better. (Ngingiti)

YUMI How do you do that?

JIGS Alin?

YUMI I should have walked out on you kanina pa pero the way you say things...parang bumabaliktad sa'yo...makes you more...charming. Kung ibang tao ka siguro, di na kita kakausapin.

JIGS You can't walk out. We're locked here for three days except for meals.

YUMI So I'm forced to like you para di masira ang vacation ko. (Ngingiti)

JIGS You don't have to answer my question if you don't want.

YUMI I guess I'll be honest with you as you we! re honest with me...

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI Di mo siya kilala. His name was Robert. He was my first boyfriend. It was Senior Prom Night. Alam mo na...typical senior prom story. Everyone wants to lose it on prom night. Everyone thinks na pag prom night, it was something special. We went out sa hall nang maaga. We made out sa kotse niya. One thing led to the other. Tapos, yun...yun na. We went back just in time for the awarding of the prom queen. Guess what, I won pa. (Mahinang tawa)

JIGS What was it like?

YUMI Now that I look back, it isn't as special as I thought it was. Pero it was different then. Back then, we were just led by our passions. Alam mo yon? Andun ka na. Hormones raging wild. Passions and Ideals are confused. Akala mo love, yun pala, curious ka lang pala. Akala mo yun na yon. Akala mo you a! re in-love at lahat ng gawin mo tama. Lahat ng gawin mo perfect. Everything was magical...well, almost.

JIGS Almost...?

YUMI Sa next question mo na 'yan. Ako na.

JIGS (Pabiro) Wine pa? Kulang ka pa yata e.

YUMI Nilalasing mo ko no? May balak ka sa'kin no? (Tatawa)

JIGS Is that your question? Sasagutin ko na. (Tatawa)

YUMI Engot. Hindi yon. Here's something na curious lang ako. Kasi I've been hearing things...saka you've hinted on it na rin kanina...Are you still with Krissy?

JIGS Hindi na.

YUMI Since when?

JIGS Two, maybe three weeks ago?

YUMI Sino'ng nakipag-break?

JIGS Pareho kami.

YUMI Why?

JIGS Maraming dahilan, actually. Naisip na lang namin na it won't work. Isa na do'n, magkai! ba kami ng gustong mangyari sa buhay. Magkaiba kami ng mga pinaniniwalaan.

YUMI Like what?

JIGS Marami.

YUMI At ngayon mo lang nalaman iyon after two years with her?

JIGS People change, Yumi.

Tahimik.

JIGS Right before graduation, she asked me to move in with her.

YUMI Talaga?

JIGS Sabi niya, doon na naman din daw papunta ang relasyon namin. Might as well practice na raw for the real thing. Tutal, she's working na naman, ako naman bagong graduate, we should try out na raw living together if it'll work for us.

YUMI Natakot ka sa arrangement?

JIGS Hindi naman sa natakot. If you love someone, ano pa'ng ikakatakot mo, di ba?

YUMI E bakit umayaw ka?

JIGS It's just that, it's not my thing.

YUMI ! Sabi na nga ba e, bakla ka no? Sinasayang mo ang opportunities! (Matatawa)

JIGS Hindi ako oportunista. At lalong hindi ako bakla.

YUMI Fine.

JIGS Naisip ko lang na hindi pa pala ako handa sa mga ganitong bagay. Wala pa sa isip ko ang gano'n. Na-shock siguro ako sa reality na iyon na nga ang next step sa relationship namin. I mean, two years of being together and knowing each other, we're practically ready to get married, if you know what I mean. Pero I realized, I'm not ready for any of these. Narealize ko how immature I am. Na iba yung ideals ko two years ago sa ideals ko ngayon. I need to mature some more to get into this thing'I mean, getting married. Diyos ko, ilang taon lang ba ako...

YUMI Maturity has nothing to do with age.

JIGS But it has a lot to do with time.

Tahimik.

JIGS So I thought, bakit kailangan ng practice mode? Ibig sabihin, pag sumablay kami, split na kami? Live like a couple minus the commitment? Pa'no pag nawala na yung magic? Goodbye na?

Iinom ng wine si Jigs.

JIGS Kung kasal na, kasal na. Wala nang practice. I think that's the real cowardice. Yung i-try muna natin kung it will work kasi takot kayo na baka hindi maging successful ang outcome. Saan na napunta ang excitement ng buhay? Kaya nga kayo in-love, para sabay kayong humarap sa totoong buhay, sa hirap at ginahawa, di ba? (Matatawa) Hindi yung pagpapraktisan muna ninyo para siguradong ginhawa lang.

Magkikibit-balikat lang si Jigs.

YUMI Are you always like that?

JIGS Like what?

YUMI So cerebral in everything. Kahit pagdating sa relationships.

JIGS Life is too precious para lang daanin sa trial and error.

Ngingiti si Jigs. Tahimik.

YUMI So, No hard feelings?

JIGS Friends pa rin kami. She still calls me up nga sa bahay e.

YUMI That's nice.

JIGS Kayo, bakit kayo nagbreak ni Carlo?

YUMI That's your sixth na ha?

JIGS Sure.

YUMI Alam mo, ironic para sa akin yung break-up namin ni Carlo. And the funny thing was, it was about...sex. Uy, sa atin lang ito ha?

JIGS Of course.

YUMI Kasi nga, I was looking for that magic nga di ba? I wanted to be in a relationship na special naman. So of all the boyfriends I had, sa kanya lang ako walang sexual relationship. As in nag-aabstain talaga ako. Kasi parang naisip ko, para magkaroon naman ng meaning yung making love di ba? Parang, dapat di mo parating ginagawa, at ginagawa mo lang when you are sincere with yourself and with your partner. So I was investing muna emotionally. And I was actually starting to care about him. Yung, hindi ko na iniisip yung sarili ko.Yung siya lang ang inaalala ko. Akala ko perfect na...

JIGS Ano'ng nangyari?

YUMI Patunayan ko raw na mahal ko siya. Magbigay daw ako ng proof. Pagbigyan ko raw siya. Sabi ko sa kanya, hindi pa ba sapat na proof yon? Na I'm saving myself for that right moment, that special moment between us? Alam mo'ng ginawa? Nilayasan ako!

JIGS You deserve someone better.

YUMI Talaga!

YUMI Isipin mo, kung kelan naman I grew tired of meaningless sex, when I'm looking for the real thing, saka naman mawawala. Ang ironic ng buhay no?

JIGS That's the way we must learn.

YUMI Alam mo, kung tutuusin, never ko pang na-experience yung tunay na magmake-love. And I had to go all through those relationships para lang ma-realize yun. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang hinahanap ko.

Iinom ng wine.

YUMI Ikaw ba, importante sa'yo na virgin ang mapapangasawa mo? How do you see virginity ba?

JIGS Alam mo, di ko pa napag-isipan yan. Pero now that you've mentioned it...It doesn't matter kung virgin ang mapangasawa ko o hindi. Of course I value virginity a lot. I treat it as the only real gift I could give to my wife to be. Imaginin mo na lang di ba, kung wife ko ang una ko. It's like the perfect wedding gift I could give to her. Pero kung siya hindi na virgin, I wouldn't care. As long as mahal ko siya. Kasi I don't expect her to give me the same gift. I don't do something because I! expect people to do the same to me. Ibigay niya sa akin ang sarili niya nang buong-buo, sapat na sa akin yon. Masaya na ako sa ganoon.

YUMI (Mapapangiti si Yumi.) You know, that's the nicest thing I ever heard from a guy. That's why I always enjoy talking to you. You always say the nicest things.

JIGS Wow. Salamat. E ikaw, is making love to you equal to love?

YUMI I always took sex and love as opposite ideas. I mean, after the first time na...you know...sa Senior prom. Kasi afterwards, we broke up na ni Robert. Tapos naisip ko, yun na ba yung love? Baka hindi love yung naramdaman ko. Baka napagkamalan ko lang siyang love. I was just after the pleasure of intimacy. And then I felt empty. So empty. That's why I wanted to change. I wanted to believe in making love. And I'm still looking for it. Yung magic. Yung feeling mo, tao ka pala. I never felt that kahit isang beses. Men have penetrated my body but never my soul. And I wanted that. I wanted someone to touch my soul. To make love to my soul through my body. Pero siguro, naging numb na'ko sa dami ng relasyong pinagdaanan ko. Hindi ko alam kung mararanasan ko pa iyon. That's why I envy you.

Tahimik.

YUMI Sa tingin mo may pag-asa pa ako?

JIGS You still have your soul...(Ngingiti)

Tahimik.

YUMI With whom would you want to experience it?

JIGS Of course, sa asawa ko.

YUMI I mean, someone in particular. Take it as my seventh question.So give a name.

JIGS A name? Hindi ko alam. Basta kung sino ang magiging asawa ko.

Tahimik. Magkikibit-balikat si Yumi. Iinom ng wine.

JIGS Well, I always thought na it was Krissy. And then, ! it was just gone. Of course I loved her. And I still do. Pero the magic was just gone after we both found out na magkaiba kami ng mga prinsipyo sa buhay.

Tahimik.

JIGS My turn?

YUMI Shoot me.

JIGS Tell me something...a secret. Yung wala kahit isang nakakaalam.

Matagal na katahimikan.

JIGS You trust me naman di ba?

YUMI Well, you've earned it, alright.

JIGS Saka wala akong tinatago sa'yo. Sinagot ko lahat ng tanong mo as honestly as I could. (Ngingiti)

YUMI I uhm...

JIGS Yes...?

YUMI I need more wine.

Magsasalin si Jigs ng wine.

JIGS Take your time. We have less than fifty hours to go.

Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I'll tell you something no one in the world knows except one other person. And that person probably forgot all about me already.

JIGS (Pabiro) What? You had sex with a stranger?

YUMI Ano ka ba?

JIGS Biro lang. Seryoso na.

YUMI Promise ha? Hindi ito lalabas.

JIGS Promise.

YUMI If this goes out, I will hunt you kahit sa libingan mo. Huhukayin kita at papatayin kita ulit.

JIGS Mamatay man ako ngayon.

YUMI Okay...(Pause) I...I was with Joel then... (Magiging mas seryoso ang tono niya) ...and Zach. I wasn't really with Zach, I was just going out with him pag wala si Joel, alam mo na...making out and stuff...Well, anyway, I was kinda serious din naman with Joel that time. Joel and I were...you know...doing it. And...

JIGS And...?

YUMI Uhm...I...uhm...I got pregnant.

JIGS What?

Tahimik. Iinom ng wine si Yumi.

YUMI I uhm...shit. Hindi ko naman talaga ginusto e. Uhm...Two months akong delayed...then I took that test. I found out na buntis nga ako...and Joel found out about Zach (maluha-luha na) and I didn't know what to say, you know? Maniniwala ba naman sa akin si Joel na naaliw lang ako kay Zach? Na I didn't really love him? Na wala lang iyon? And so he broke up with me and...I..uhm...I was afraid and uhm...(Magsisimula siyang magbreak-down)

JIGS It's okay...

YUMI I uhm...hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, Joel left me. I wanted to tell him about the baby to make him come back but I don't think he'd believe me after the thing with Zach...and...my parents are gonna kill me if...shit. (iiyak)

JIGS (lalapit kay Yumi para i-console ito) Ssshhh...you don't have to tell me this if it upsets you...

YUMI And so I went to a clinic...(hahagulgol) I didn't mean to, Jigs. I wasn't myself then. And I felt so afraid. So alone...

JIGS Tahan na. Ssshhh...

Iiyak lang si Yumi kay Jigs. Yayakapin ni Jigs si Yumi.

JIGS Alam ba to ni Joel?

YUMI How can I tell him? The only other person na nakakaalam ay yung duktor sa clinic. God...(iiyak) Oh God...

JIGS It's alright...

Hihimasin ni Jigs ang likod ni Yumi. Patatahanin niya ito. Matagal silang nakaganito lang.

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI Can you get me my yosi?

Tatayo si Jigs. Pupunta sa may side table sa tabi ng kama. Kukunin ang Yosi ni Yumi. Magsisindi siya ng isa at iaabot kay Yumi.

YUMI Thanks...

Matagal na katahimikan.

YUMI If we were...if we were the last two people on earth, would you consider doing it with me?

JIGS Doing what?

YUMI Alam mo na...

JIGS Alin? (Teasing ngingiti)

YUMI Gago mo. (Ngingiti)

JIGS Ngumiti rin.

YUMI So? Would you?

JIGS Alin nga? Di mo masabi no? Bakit di mo masabi? (Pagtatawanan si Yumi) Sabihin mo nga: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex!

YUMI Shut up nga!

JIGS That's your eight na, ha?

YUMI I lost count. Answer it.

JIGS Why not?

Hihithit ng yosi si Yumi. Tahimik. Sasandal si Yumi sa balikat ni Jigs.

JIGS If you could be something else, what would you be?

YUMI I dunno...maybe a violin...yeah. Violin siguro.

JIGS Bakit?

YUMI I always saw the relationship of a violin! and its player as very intimate. Pag tumutugtog ang violinist, ang nakikita ko at naririnig ko, he strokes the soul of the instrument and the instrument penetrates the soul of the player. Para silang nagmi-make love. Di ba? Very sexy, very intimate, very sublime. Di ba? Pareho silang sincere sa isa't isa. Dahil kung hindi sila sincere, walang music na mabubuo. The violin surrenders her body to her player, her whole body and her whole soul, in full trust and sincerity. Di ba, compared to the sound of the other instruments, ang tunog ng violin parang isang naked woman? A naked woman in surrender? I want to be a violin. I want to be stroked in the soul. I want to make sincere music. I want to experience the sound of love.

Tahimik.

JIGS Lalim nun ah. (Ngingiti)

YUMI Pa'no mo malalamang in-love ka na?

JIGS Paano? I! don't think there's a formula to that. Basta malalaman mo na lang. I mean, ilang beses lang ba nangyari sa akin yon? I'd like to believe na yun na nga yon...yung kay Krissy...

YUMI Kwento mo nga...paano mo narealize dati na mahal mo nga si Krissy?

JIGS Alam mo nakakatawa...korni actually. Babalik na naman ako sa pagiging korni nito e. Di ba ayaw mo sa korni.

YUMI Sige na. Hindi na kita aasarin.

JIGS I heard bells.

YUMI Ano?

JIGS Seryoso. Bigla na lang, habang nag-uusap kami, may narinig na lang akong bells, tapos music. Ewan ko kung iniimagine ko lang yon pero yun ang nangyari. Nakakatawa nga e. Parang kanta ng Beatles.

YUMI Seryoso ka ba?

JIGS O baka naman nagkataon noong oras na yon, may nagkakantahan sa kung saan sa school. Basta may narinig akong bells. Tapos napangiti ako. Pagtingin ko sa mata niya, iba na ang nakikita ko. Hindi ko na siya nakita as kabarkada lang. Biglang parang may magic. Hindi ko ma-explain. Baduy pero ganun. Tapos I just seized the moment. Umamin ako. A week later, kami na.

YUMI Korni nga. (Matatawa)

JIGS Korni talagang pakinggan. Pero pag nandun ka na. Pag naranasan mo na, feeling mo, hindi na korni.

Ngingiti si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Alam mo, may times na parang tunog violin ang boses mo. O lasing lang ako?

Tahimik.

JIGS I'm into my last question.

Iaangat ni Yumi ang ulo niya.

YUMI Shoot me. Better make it good.

JIGS If you were again to be the next victim of this tradition, if you were to be locked up in this room again...who would you want the next guy to be?

YUMI (Mag-iisip) I want someone whom I could talk to... Yung makukwentuhan ko ng mga sikreto ko. Yung may sense makipag-usap. Yung may laman. The violin player who'd stroke my strings...not even. Yung mapapatunog niya ang strings ko without even touching them. (Tahimik) Lumuluwag na ang dila ko...kung anu-ano na ang nasasabi ko. (Ngingiti)

Tititigan lang ni Jigs si Yumi. Tahimik.

YUMI Siyempre yung masarap kausap.

Tahimik. Hindi makatingin si Yumi.

YUMI Yung kahit habambuhay wala kaming gawin kundi mag-usap... I think it's better than making love.

Mapapatingin si Yumi kay Jigs.

YUMI Gosh I want to kiss you so badly.

Matitigilan siya.

YUMI I can't believe I just said that.

Tahimik. Titignan niya ulit si Jigs.

YUMI Don'! t you want to kiss me?

Pause. Titignan siya ni Jigs sa mata.

JIGS Is that your last question? (Ngingiti si Jigs)

YUMI Yes.

DILIM.
No trees were killed in the sending of this message. However, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

TRAFFIC MURDER....

2004-07-25T11:41:00.000+08:00

I know I haven't been posting lately. Sorry. Actually I've been....hmm....what have I been doing?! I can't remember! I guess I've just been drifting aimlessly along SEC A's halls. Seriously, when I try and remember why I haven't been surfing I can't remember the reason. Maybe it's because of the rain. Haay...whatever!

BTW, I've had my first brush with traffic in Katipunan last Friday. OMG! I never thought it was that bad! I mean, you would think that by now I should already be used to traffic since I've been dealing with the traffic in one of the main thoroughfares in Manila (Taft) for the past four years but nothing could prepare me for this! My uncle left their house to pick me up at around 3:30 pm and arrived in our dorm at 8 pm! Imagine that was five hours compared to the usual 30-45 minute drive it normally takes us! You could just imagine how excruciating our trip back home was! I haven't even had dinner yet and to top that off our van was dangerously running low on gas and there was no gasoline station in sight! Thankfully a good soul suggested a route to my uncle that would allow us to avoid the huge volume of cars going to Marikina and we were able to pass by a Caltex gas station near Libis and at around 11:30 we were able to eat at KFC, Libis (bless FASTFOOD!!!) Haayy.... we got home at around 12 am.

MORAL LESSON: Listen to Jeepney Drivers!!!

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MY SKED

2004-07-01T08:02:00.001+08:00

have i mentioned before what an idiot i am? well, i am. (",) here i was rushing to my 8 o'clock class in an early thursday morning already conjuring up frightening scenarios in my head that consists of the terror teacher telling me the evils of tardiness and me vainly trying to come up with an excuse as to why i'm late when i suddenly realized after arriving in the classroom all sweaty and stuff that my class doesn't start until 9 o'clock. how stupid can i get?! i've already been working with this schedule for what?! 3 weeks now?! you would think that i could at least memorize the start and end of my school day right?! of course not! sheesh! so here i am in the school's computer lab, surfing the net and this time going to try to go to the right class in the right classroom at the right time. (",)

and since i have nothing else better to do then i'm just going to post my schedule here since it's the reason why i'm here in the first place. sorry i don't know how to make a table so bear with me.

MWF: 8-9 VOLLEYBALL (COV. COURTS) ; 1:30-2:30 ENGLISH 11 (SEC A 210); 2:30-3:30 LITERATURE 13 (SEC A 210); {WED: 9:30-10:30 INTACT (BEL 311)} {FRI: 7:30-9:30 ENV. SCI. LAB (SEC C 306)}

TTh: 9-10:30 ENV. SCI. LECTURE (SEC A 208); 12-1:30 FILIPINO 11 (B207); 3-4:30 MATH 1 (SEC A 204)

so it's not really hard to memorize. i'm just being well....me. :(

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I'M STILL ALIVE

2004-06-21T09:06:00.000+08:00

Well, as you can see i survived my first alone-taxi-ride experience. If you discard the fact that i waited for what seems like an eternity (more likely an hour) to get a taxi to take me to Buting, it was pretty uneventful, pretty boring actually. oh well as much as i would love to crucify taxi drivers and expound on the evils of drivers who have no pity much less concern whatsoever about girls who are lugging around almost half of their closet who only wants to go home...i wouldn't bore you with it. instead this entry will be about lost & now regained friends.

For the past few days i have (for the lack of a better term) regained correspondence with an old friend of mine who i haven't had contact with for the past 3 years or so. i was so surprised to see his name on my friendster account inviting me to be his friend. he even sent me a message, asking me how i was, what's happening with me, etc... while i was answering his message i remembered the time we spent together, things that we shared...memories. our time together, short as it may be, was fond & somewhat funny. yeah, we fought a lot back then but it was nothing more than petty skirmishes and arguements and i think if you look at it closely, it was that,that made those days happier?! it was really nice hearing from him again, it brought back a lot of forgotten memories. it was also sweet of him to make me a testi! la lang! (",)

anyway, college really made me regain contact with my old friends. coz most people from st. paul are also here. some of them are even in my classes so i got the chance to talk to them again. it was actually touching coz they still remembered my name even if i don't know theirs anymore. but what i'm really looking forward to is the chance to hang out with one of my besfriends from spcp. she's also here, infact she's even my blockmate. too bad we don't have any classes together! i know, it's weird. she's in my block but we don't have classes together. maybe it's because we're so different! for instance, she LOVES math. math ABHORS me, it refuses to make sense! it really is a different language altogether :P she's an all around athlete, when i say all around i meant ALL AROUND. volleyball, track, basketball, soccer, softball, badminton, table tennis, swimmming, you name it she can play it. i on the other hand, well...this is ME enough said! we have different natural science subjects and different english blocks so really our only hope to have a class together is in INTAC and filipino. haaay...

gosh it's been two hours already!!! oh well, i have to run to my next class! until next time!

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MY FIRST ....

2004-06-18T09:13:00.000+08:00

T.G.I.F - Thank God It's Friday!!!! for most people this would mean the end of the week, gimmick night, the end of a very tiring and horrifying week, etc. for me it means one thing: I'M GOING HOME!!!!! Yehey!!!!!

I miss our house. i miss REAL food, as in an honest to goodness home cooked meal that doesn't have any kind, shape or even form of any known CHICKEN in it (cooked or otherwise). I miss my bed. I miss my books. I miss my cd's. I miss my computer. I miss talking to my friends on the phone. I miss my mother and of course even my sisters and my brother. I'm coming home! Yahoo! (",)

I know I'm going mental on you guys pero ala lang. I just miss familiar places and faces. I'm really looking forward to going home. But seriously on to my dillemma (Sheesh! I'm already in college and I still don't know the correct spelling! Sorry!)

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET HOME!

I'm so pathetic. I know. Here i am an 18 year old, dare I use the word LADY?! And I still don't know how to get home. You see everytime I go here or home I am either riding a car or a cab. Besides the reason why I am in a dorm in the first place is because I don't know how to commute. So now since my roomate, Aesha, is sick (i hope she gets better.) I have no one to tell me where to go or what to ride. Waaaaahhhhh!!!! So if by 3:30 comes and still no one can tell me how to get home using either the bus, jeep, lrt, mrt, train, airplane, boat, ship....i'll just ride a cab, ALONE!!!! And take note, for the very first time! I wonder how it will go?! My mom was pretty against it at first seeing that there are a lot of news about people getting kidnapped or robbed inside the taxi but I have no other choice! It's either that or I'll WALK from Quezon City to Pasig!!! Hmmm...it's actually not a bad idea, I mean exercise is still exercise right. If only I don't have a HUGE bag full of a week's dirty clothes to carry around and if I don't mind having blisters the size of a small country, maybe I'll think about it.

Well, pray for my safe return. And if I get lost, robbed, kidnapped, killed or God knows what else, then at least you'll know that it's a BAD idea to ride the taxi alone.

So i'm actually doing this for all of you. I'm so heroic, am i not? NOT! (",)

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SIGNING ON

2004-06-16T09:11:00.000+08:00

Broadcasting live from Loyola Heights, Quezon City. Ateneo De Manila University, Loyola Campus in some unknown building with free internet access, wearing my MaSci 04 batch jacket this is me Rizsa Rose Silang Baer now SIGNING ON.

It's really pretty amazing that i am here. five months ago i didn't even think that i would be able to actually step in the halls of this university, of any university for that matter, much less study here and actually have classes. but now here i am wearing their ID and using their computer. ahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
well, i just got off my PE 116 class, aka Volleyball!!!!! sheesh! yup! your eyes aren't deceiving you i will actually PLAY volleyball. after my poor stint as a badminton player i have now discovered my "hidden" talent and passion for volleyball....NOT!!!!! by some piece of bad luck a.k.a SOPHOMORES all the badminton classes have been filled up. Leaving poor me with a VERY wide choice of opting for YOGA, ARNIS or the former evil VOLLEYBALL. well, i'm sorry but i don't see myself saying oooohhhhmm....ohhhhmmmmm....ohhhmmmm.... while doing weird contortions with my other wise UNflexible body nor do i see myself holding sticks and actually using them to figh....i mean defend myself. seeing as i am already 18 and can be held legally responsible for my actions, i prefer NOT to spend the remaining years of my existence in jail because i poked someone else's eyes out. so i chose the lesser of the three evils, volleyball. haaayyyy.... so the next time that you see me and i am lacking a tooth or my arms and/or legs are broken, you know what happened so don't ask.
okay i gotta run off to my next class, INTAC. you're wondering what it is?! INTRODUCTION TO ATENEO CULTURE as you can see, they're SOOOO NOT BIG on School Spirit here!
Blue Eagles Fly! Soar High! GO LA SALLE! (",)
Ciao!

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IN A BINGE

2004-05-24T08:27:00.000+08:00

i terribly want to write something about a certain topic that i can't write about. coz i know for a fact that the people or should i say person involved reads this so darn! haaayy....what should i do? :(

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NONSENSE

2004-05-24T08:15:00.000+08:00

i am in my mom's office and i am trying to learn about our orientation seminar by visiting it's official website (www.orsem2004.com). incoming ateneans should check it out. the site is pretty awesome. (",) o well... i thought i would just drop by to well... post! NONSENSE! hehehe (",)

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18

2004-05-18T23:40:00.000+08:00

At last it is over! First of all I want to thank everyone who came. They literally had to brave the storm (I'm pretty sure much to their parents chagrin) to come there and I really appreciate it. To those who didn't make it, don't worry I understand. I mean I could head the Association for Overprotected Children so of all people I know how it feels when your parents say yes and then take it back the last minute. I know how much it sucks so I don't blame you. (",) Anyway, I thought the party was ummm…should I say acceptable?! Considering the program was made 3 days prior to the event and that most of the participants were told 2 or a day before their supposed involvement the party didn't suck that bad. Although a lot of things went wrong and many people who I expected to come didn't it was pretty cool.

The program was crazy! I have to give credit to the impromptu emcees who filled in for a good friend of mine who sadly wasn't able to make it, they were good. They made do with what they were given on such a very short notice (try 30 minutes max!). They were spontaneous and they delivered what was expected of them and more, so for that I am very grateful. The eighteen candles were seriously lacking so we were forced to just use my aunts even those who are already married and even both my grandmothers were called in just to fill the 18 slots. Can someone please tell me what the heck these things stand for?! I mean all my friends told me was to get 18 of my closest TEENAGE girl friends and have them do the 18 candles thing. Sheesh! I didn’t even know what they were supposed to do there or why were they even there in the first place but who am I to question tradition, right?! I didn't have any problem with my 18 roses because even though the original line-up wasn't complete, many were willing to fill in for the missing guys. What I found so ironic was that considering debut parties are supposedly about girls, there were more guys there than gals. I don't know why. Maybe it's because of the weather, parents were more lenient in allowing their sons to go despite of the incoming storm than with their daughters. That, or boys are more motivated by free food and drinks than the girls. So anyway that matter aside let us now go to the surprisingly most exciting part, the morning after!

Maybe I should tell you first that there was indeed drinking, a whole LOT of it. And people got drunk. I got drunk. Thankfully during the drinking session no one did anything more stupid than what the person beside them was doing and no one harmed themselves or others, which is more than I can say about what happened after that.

People say that when you turn eighteen you will experience a lot of things for the first time. And they were right, I experienced 3 "firsts" on my first morning as a "matured" (a.k.a old) individual and if that was any sign of what is to come…then book me to the next flight to Never Land.

We were drinking gin with lime. For some that is a pathetic drink, or even a next to nothing drink. But you've got to remember that most of us have not yet build up our alcoholic tolerance so what might seem nothing to you might seem a whole lot to us. We were not seasoned drinkers, heck we aren’t even social drinkers yet, we were just a group of teens who wanted to get trashed even just for once before reaching college and get trashed we did.

As I said I was already drunk, by the time we finished the second bottle and was going for the third I was almost sleeping on the chair. A friend of mine told me to go to the next cabin and continue sleeping there because I was just getting in their way and with the help of another friend, who must not be mentioned, I was brought to the next cabin to sleep. I fell asleep with the sound of their drinking and I also woke up with it. When I returned to the land of conscious, or should I say, semi-returned. They were still drinking! They drank the whole night-morning long! So anyway, some people who stayed overnight was already starting to leave, so despite the hangover I had to get up and see to them. Thankfully, the first two batches who left were all sober. I wasn't sure if they drank but if they did, they were presentable enough to face their parents, so I let them go. Of course, what's a party without giveaways?! Armed with these really tacky giveaways that my mom and I picked out on the mall in their hands they set out to face society again. By that time I was still uneasy on my feet. I was lucid, but my motor functions can't seem to work with me yet. I was laughing at the people who were still drunk. I remember everything that happened the night before and I could not believe that these are the same people I have been friends with for the past four years. They were all trashed!!!! It was really funny! They will probably never live this thing down for a couple years! I am telling you it was historic, it was the first time I ever saw people REALLY drunk! But since I don't want to die a painful death, which will surely happen if I ever disclose who they are, I won't mention any names. Here are what I saw and heard:

THINGS PEOPLE TEND TO DO WHEN UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF ALCOHOL:

1. Puke their brains out

2. Go all red that puts a stoplight to shame

3. Admit they like the person to that person's face

4. Loose motor control

5. Retch excessively

6. Cry and vocally repent for all the girls they have played

7. Destroy (or at least try to) resort property

8. Lie in a FLOODED bathroom FLOOR with dead roaches floating near them and act as if they are sunbathing in a beach

9. Call out an unknown girl's name that they have obviously played

10. Claim they're not drunk then throw up like there's no tomorrow.

Funny isn't it?! I thought so too until I realized that I am responsible for each and everyone of them. I can't send them home all looking and acting like this! Given that they could even remember who they are much less where they live, their parents will kill me and eat me whole! So I reached a decision, I will bring them home. Knowing the full risk that my mom will surely skin me alive, I brazened it out and called home. I asked to be picked up and asked for permission to bring home my four of my "sleepy" classmates because we can't sleep here. My mother agreed. When I got home she was shocked to see that my 4 "sleepy" classmates were actually 8 very intoxicated minors. After settling my friends in our room I talked to my mom. And a miracle happened! She wasn't mad!!!! Concerned yes. But not angry! I get to keep my skin after all! (“,) At around 6 PM, May 18, 2004 my friends bid adieu. I went with them and showed them where they could get a cab. After that I went home, I lay in my bed VERY tired, I closed my eyes thinking

"Darn, I must be getting old…"

*sigh*

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I'M OLD

2004-05-17T10:59:00.000+08:00

* SIGH *

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AFFLICTION

2004-05-13T10:37:00.000+08:00

If you are a blogger or a blog hopper the most common term you have probably read and/or written on a blog is the phrase : I am bored!!!!

As most people have pointed out this is also perhaps the main motivation and reason why there is a sudden boost on the blogger community. I was trying to write an entry for today and as I went over the so called piece the first thing that entered my mind was: What a piece of crap.

I am not saying that I am a gifted writer. Au contraire I am just another writer wannabe who is no better than the next person sitting beside me (my seven year old brother). Going back, I usually write about personal experiences and the matters that really does concern me at that time. But now, since I am cooped up in this oven that pretty much looks like our house I realize that I can’t write a damn thing. I have thoughts. Very, VERY random thoughts. And I have seen two authors who are both linked to me adopt a style of writing their thoughts…well… randomly and they did a pretty good job at it. So I also tried doing this exercise, just to keep the thoughts flowing. I mean how hard could that be, right? Well let me tell you, for me it was harder than I expected. It may be easy for most of you but possibly impossible for me. LOL! As I looked over the said work, it was just… well… random. Weird isn’t it because that was the point. That was the idea, to write down your casual thoughts in a haphazard manner. But I realize, I just don’t write that way. I know that NOW I am rambling and I am completely wasting your time and my energy. I even don’t see the logic in even publishing this. Because it is pointless. This is a futile attempt to remove what others might think or call a writer’s block. But in my opinion this is just a mind numbing, non-sense entry that would depict my most often than not recent affliction. Boredom.

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INVITATION

2004-05-12T09:27:00.000+08:00

i promised i would post it here so...

CURIE O1, EDISON 02, DARWIN O3, ROENTGEN 04, PAULINIANS:

hey pipol of the world! i'm assuming you're still alive coz u're reading this. hope you're well.

anyway, bday ko po sa may 17. monday po iyon. e since matanda na ko kailangan may party.kaya dahil naging clasm8 k kyo u are invited. (",) un nga lang kailangan ko na kasi ma-finalize ung head count 4 d place n caterers n everythng. so if you could or could not come please tell me. kasi pinagagalitan na ko. (",) sorry sa mga friends ko na hindi ko pa nasasabihan. consider this as the invitation. taghirap kasi e kaya ala ko prepaid kaya hndi ko kayo macontact lalo na yun nasa cavite or sa kung saang lupalop ng pilipinas or outside of it. haay... unang-una HINDI ITO DEBUT!!!!! this is just an INFORMAL SWIMMING party. if you want to wear gowns or coat n tie go ahead! just do it in the pool! (",) due to public demand i opted to make it overnyt. napaka-imoral ko naman ksi kung pauuwiin ko pa kyo ng midnight d ba. it starts at 7 PM - 2 AM but we can stay there until 6. sa resort pavillion thing in pasig anfg name nya THE ANCHOR, San Joaquin, Pasig CIty. malapit lang cya s haus namin. kung ayaw nyo mag overnyt, k lang.coz i understand that some have their enrollments the next day. basta ang importante andun kayo. well....if u could come and u SHOULD :) tell me so we can work out the details etc. please paalam nyo sa kin ngayon.kailangan ko kasi talaga malamn mas maganda kung on or b4 friday may 14. you can contact me here sa friendster or sa bahay.these are my digits:

6279912 -bahay

6438971 -bahay

09165972792 -cell ko

rayza31@yahoo.com -e-mail ko

http://broken8teen.blogspot.com -blog ko

rayza30 -Yahoo messenger

friendster

7 ways na yan 2 contact me a. ala kyo excuse. i-popost ko to sa lahat ng mascian yahoo group na kasama ako at dito sa friendster.if u receive this message more than twice then that really ought to mean that you HAVE to come.o cge paalam na po! miss you all! have a nyc day!

(",) MWAH! (",)

-riz

p.s

f u wer not my clasm8 but u feel u should be there bec we were close at some point or another and u want 2 come.txt nyo na rin ako.ttgnan ko kng pwede pa kyo isama. (",) ciao! (",)

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DEBUT BLUES

2004-05-11T10:19:00.000+08:00

My dad, my mom, my aunt, my uncle, my two cousins and I went to the mall yesterday. We were there to pick my outfit for my birthday party. Of course my aunt never failed to pick the skimpiest outfit ever and forced me to try it on. Being the subservient niece and daughter that I am, I tried it on with a heavy heart and an even heavier body (literally). Of course I looked like a… I don’t even know what to call that reflection that stared back at me but suffice to say, it was horrendous. I protested my heart out and pointed out the very not-so-subtle reasons why I can’t wear that, that thing but as expected they didn’t listen. They insisted on buying the vile thing and making me wear it in front of more or less 80 people! Which might I add includes people who somehow in their own twisted way respect me, that is until they see me in that thing. Anyway, after the mall we herded ourselves to the venue of the party. We cleared a few details and rules with the owner. People who will come to my bday should follow this:
you have to wear a swimsuit or proper swimming attire

you can’t wear shorts with buttons or zippers

if you’re going to wear a shirt it should be white
and then paid the down payment. We then went to our house and called the caterer. My mom then gave me a lecture about responsibility and having more initiative in coordinating MY party blah, blah, blah because up to now my guest list is still pretty vague and considered unreliable because I don’t know who will come and who will not. With all these bullshit I only have one thing to say: Sheesh!

This is what I was trying to avoid when I said I just wanted to have an informal gathering with my friends. If you ask me I would have wanted not to have a party at all. Let me tell you, throwing a birthday bash wrapped in taffeta wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for a birthday. I feel as if having a conventional debut with its long ballroom gowns and coutillion dancers would tend to make the occasion stiff and uncomfortable for guests. And let’s face it, I can’t dance! But society expects, make that, dictates me to celebrate my coming of age. They want me to throw a huge and extravagant social gathering so I could mark the day that says from now on I will be held totally responsible for all my actions, legally. It’s like saying,
Congratulations! You can now go to jail!
And need I mention the fact that from that day onwards I am now officially indebted to the government, that I am now required by law to give a portion of my hard-earned money to furnish the lavish lifestyle of politicians?!

It is now obvious that I am ranting. Some people would ask me, if you feel this way, then why not just cancel it all together? Stop the party so you could stop worrying. And I should. I should put a stop to all this crap. But the truth is I am too conventional. I won’t be hypocrite and say that I don’t want this party at all, because I do. Who wouldn’t really want to celebrate their bday with their friends and family?! All the negative things aside, I am now a quote and quote woman. I can now go into a bar and drink whatever poison their serving that is popular to the youth. I can now go watch X rated movies while I see my friends going to GP with their parents. And I could now have promiscuous sex all I want. JOKE! Hehehe. Besides, who in their right mind would say no to gifts?! (“,)

Can’t I have all this without going through all the trouble without people dictating me what I should do?! I mean come on! Just let the girl have her birthday fully clothed with her dignity (or what’s left of it) in tact and have the time of her life. BACK OFF! :(

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I'M BACK

2004-05-07T23:40:00.000+08:00

Yes people i am still alive. after months of vanishing on the face of the web i am now resurfacing again. nyaks! (",) haaay...you will see a lot of changes in this blog. aside from the new template, and the new tag message i'd like to think that even i changed. or at least i am trying to. because frankly i really want to.as most of you know i am turning 18 in 10 days.i use to think of that as a bad thing. i mean hello! who would want to admit that they're turning a year older than most people that she knows. and being called "ate" by my friends sure didn't help the cause (i mean...eewww) but enough of that. i realized that turning eighteen is actually a good thing. after all, most people put waaayy...tooo much importance to it. i am talking about the debut party. sheesh...don't even get me started about this topic.well...okay maybe i'll just write something about it tomorrow. until then. g'nyt! (",)

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SORRY!

2004-04-29T11:03:00.000+08:00

I know i am horrible! i am really sorry that i haven't been able to fix this thing yet. you see people were telling me that the font was too small and the background was distracting etc so i tried, take note, TRIED to fix it by adjusting the font and make it larger. of course knowing next to nothing about HTML codes i totally screwed it up. i promise i'll try to fix this before my bday. (",) mwah! (",)

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APPALLED

2004-03-09T02:58:00.000+08:00

This was not my planned entry. I was supposed to babble about Buffy and rant about my sickness (I still won t be coming to school tomorrow) but due to recent developments, a.k.a reading Vincent s blog entry for last Sunday (how the hell could I have missed it? I have no idea.) just moments ago I was forced to trash the now seemingly shallow and unimportant supposed entry.

I usually just let these things slip by.

A.I don t comment

B. I pretend I didn t hear, notice, feel or KNOW etc . . .

C. I pretend to not care

D. I laugh it off or my personal favorite

E. All of the above

To say that I was shocked when I read your entry is probably the biggest understatement of the year. I don t know where the hell that came from. Heck, if I didn t know better I would think that, that entry was just a medication induced hallucination but I DO know better.

Since you love quoting and the last thing we both need right now is to misquote or misinterpret each other. I ll borrow your style. So people, the italicized entry is VINCENT PAUL RONQUILLO s words, not mine.

Let s start with a person who is starting to irritate me. Rizsa Rose Baer, yeah sure... You are my good friend and all but your recent reactions to the Gang of Four as well as my recent realizations regarding your personality is starting to get on my nerves.

recent reactions to the Gang of Four as well as my recent realizations regarding your personality is starting to get on my nerves.

MY recent reactions to what? ! The only thing that you told me is that the four of us are going out! So fine! I said yes! I was actually looking forward to it because it would be the first time that I ll spend time with you guys as a group because back then we never really did go out. So what is wrong with that? ! ? ! As far as I know, it was YOU who proposed the idea in the first place. I haven t even had the chance to talk to either of them about this. So I really have NO idea why your reacting like this. I am telling you, I have no reservations whatsoever about this outing of yours. Now if you feel other wise or you doubt my reaction, then I am sorry that you feel that way because I wasn t faking anything.

I don t know bakit ngayon ko lang na-realize lahat ng ito but I m really really pissed right now

one word: HUH? !

so I recommend that you avoid talking to me starting tomorrow. Give me at least two days, which means that I will talk to you seriously on Wednesday.

Well, no conflict there. I won t be coming to school tomorrow coz I m still sick. So if ever you were really planning on talking to me, well, you would really have to do it on Wednesday. Besides, was there ever really a time when I forced myself on you? ! You ought to know me better than that. On second thought, the fact that we re having this thing proves that you don t.

I m indefinitely cancelling the planned Gang of Four tour because of the conflict. Right now, you two should explain yourselves. I m not siding with anyone here and if you, Rizsa Rose Baer, feel that I am biased then go on. Well, to be totally frank, I have talked to Hazel and I have told her EVERYTHING and I mean, EVERYTHING. It s only fair isn t it? Hazel is our friend too and if I remember it correctly, Gang of Four would not be Gang of Four without Hazel so move over.

A month ago, you told me to be real and remove my pride. Well, I suppose you should at least be honest and challenge yourself to remove your pride. You know what, this is a general warning... Don t ask things from me which you cannot do yourself because that is indirect hypocrisy.

If there s one thing that the three of you should know by now, it is the fact that I hate hypocrites that is why I m being as straight-forward as possible. Well, I challenge the two of you. Better be honest than hide your resentments and indignations.

I m not siding with anyone here and if you, Rizsa Rose Baer, feel that I am biased then go on. Well, to be totally frank, I have talked to Hazel and I have told her EVERYTHING and I mean, EVERYTHING. It s only fair isn t it? Hazel is our friend too and if I remember it correctly, Gang of Four would not be Gang of Four without Hazel so move over.

First, I do not feel that you are biased. For someone to be biased, there should be two sides first, I wasn t even AWARE that there are. And even if you are, it s not as if I could do anything about it. It s your opinion. I respect other people s opinion as much as I hope they respect mine. End Topic.

OKAAAY! So you told her EVERYTHING. Fine! And what exactly would that EVERYTHING be? !

And I NEVER excluded Hazel from our group nor did I mention, imply, state or say anything that would suggest that she isn t. Again, I expected you know better than that.

Gang of Four Confusion: Who is telling the truth, Rizsa or Hazel?

I know I shouldn t choose between the two of them. The best way to solve the problem is by actually talking to the two of them so that things would become clear. However, it seems that I have resorted to underground questioning rather than asking the two of them simultaneously.

As of now, I really don t know what to believe...

Who is telling the truth, Rizsa or Hazel?

Again with my question: Truth about what? !

I have resorted to underground questioning

Out of all the people in MaSci, if there is anyone who ought to know that rumors or heresays aren t reliable sources and how wrong and judgmental they could get, it should be you. Enough said.

which brings me to this question: What is the root of the problem in the first place?

a) The RB - Vincent Conflict

b) The Rizsa - RB - Donn Love Triangle

c) The Rizsa - RB - Hazel Love Triangle

d) The Gang of Four itself

e) All of the above

f) None of the above

My answer: B and C Want to know why?

In the first place, who told you (Hazel and Rizsa) to love him? Second, why did you love him? Third, have you had any idea of what you are going into? Last, are you that stupid?

which brings me to this question: What is the root of the problem in the first place?

a) The RB - Vincent Conflict

b) The Rizsa - RB - Donn Love Triangle

c) The Rizsa - RB - Hazel Love Triangle

d) The Gang of Four itself

e) All of the above

f) None of the above

My answer: B and C

Want to guess what my answer is? I DON T KNOW. That is actually the reason why I want the both of you to settle this because I don t know WHY it STARTED in the first place. Whenever I ask for a reason, either of you couldn t give me a valid straight answer. So I really don t know. But what I DO know is YOU are WRONG. What goes on between RB and You. Stays between the two of you. Hazel and I are just trying to get the two of you to talk because it is obvious that you should. We cared enough for BOTH of you to try and patch things up between you. True, I think Hazel was stepping out of the line by being emotionally attached to the situation. And yes, I admit that it did occur to me that she was somehow using it. (Sorry Hazel) But I swear, I did not! If you can remember and Hazel knows this too, I have been trying to avoid getting too attached to this issue, emotionally or otherwise. I have been telling Hazel to, as much as possible, keep her distance from your fights, let you guys settle it on your own and not push too hard. Why do you think she made that letter in the first place? ! It was in her initiative of course. I can not claim to have told her to do that but she showed it to me because, I think she knew that that was what I was telling her or trying to make her do. So please! Leave Donn out of this. As I said, what goes on between you and RB ought to stay between you and RB alone. And I expect, no, I DEMAND that you do the same. What goes on between RB, him and me or Hazel, me and RB is NON of your business. You can quote me with this all you want but keep Donn out of this. Things are rocky now as it is without you MEDDLING in it.

I talked to Hazel last night and she narrated RB s supposed unwritten rule about not falling in love with a friend or something like that. For God s sake, you two are his friends... Of all the PEOPLE especially you Rizsa Rose Baer, I expected that you would value this rule more than anything else or is it because you have your own hidden agenda as well?

I think I have answered this before. I have been repeating this a hundred times already. But for the sake of getting a point across, why not! I DID NOT CHOOSE THIS I can not imagine who in their right mind would want to jeopardize a great friendship because of something that they both know won t work out! Don t you think I know this? ! Sheesh! I know when I m not wanted Vincent! But what can I do? Do I need to repeat to you the quote that I always attach to my posts? ! I trust you could read it for yourself.

Who has the hidden agenda in the Vincent - RB conflict?

a) Hazel

b) Rizsa

c) Hazel and Rizsa

d) Vincent

e) Vincent and Hazel

f) Vincent and Rizsa

g) All of the above

h) None of the above

My answer: C

Should I even dignify this with a comment? ! I think not.

Actually, the conjunction that I should have used is or, not and. Right now, I don t know. To be honest, I pity Donn more than I pity you Rizsa. You see, the person is offering you unconditional love and here you are whining about the idea that you don t want to create another mistake. Consider this, then you should not have jumped into that relationship if you considered it a mistake in the first place...

To be honest, I pity Donn more than I pity you Rizsa. You see, the person is offering you unconditional love and here you are whining about the idea that you don t want to create another mistake. Consider this, then you should not have jumped into that relationship if you considered it a mistake in the first place...

Hahaha, Lovers... they always need someone to serve as "fallback"

You know what, its good that you pity him, I mean it. It really is. It proves that you are probably human after all. But whatever you feel for him is not even half as much as I pity YOU right now. DO NOT even PRESUME that you know anything. Because you DONT! The fact that you could just sit there, typing away at your computer, assuming that you know anything at all proves your MISGUIDED IGNORANCE. My God, you think this is easy? ! You think I WANTED this? ! You talk as if you weren t there when I was crying my eyes out on the phone! You make it sound as if I don t care at all about what Donn feels. You KNOW how much I care for him. Why do you think Im even this confused if I am as heartless as you are making me out to be? ! And for your information, not that it is any of your business, but I DON T regret what Donn and I had. If you have been really listening to me before you jumped into conclusions, you would realize that the mistake that I was talking about wasn t THE relationship it was ABOUT our relationship and what we are now. There is a HUGE difference. I know I could have done some things and most definitely handled the situation better but I didn t. That is one of the things I regret. I also regret that things have to end like this between us, maybe I could have done or said something to prevent it. But I did not, do not and will not regret the relationship because I was HAPPY with him. Which is something that you probably haven t felt yet that s why you couldn t understand what Im going through. He was not, as you kindly put it, a fallback. Only YOU could think of doing that to someone. Thankfully, I am not you.

I am ashamed that I am doing this, that I am responding to your childish tantrums. I don t claim to be a mature person, quite the contrary but I know I am at the very least better than this.

I am being very harsh, I know. Maybe, if I just let this whole thing drop and pretend that I didn t read your entry, things will go back to whatever semblance of normalcy our friendship has and things will just blow over like the OTHER hundred times you did this to me. But I can t. You involved someone who has no concern in this issue. This is below the belt Vincent, and you know it.

I am not a war freak. I don t pick fight with others. As much as possible, I avoid it. Its probably why I have put up being with you for so long even when some people are already telling me to give it up. Hindi kita sinusumbatan. . But you have to understand that you can insult me all you want but NOT the people that I care about. You know how protective I am of my friends, you should know this because you USED to be one of them. This isn t because of me Vincent. You cast the first stone(you always do) only this time, I just refused to dodge it and threw it back at you instead.

I realize that I m being overly emotional about this. And you re probably wondering what got me so riled up. Honestly , you made me see red when you mentioned HIS name. I mean, before this entry even I couldn t blatantly put it in here! Imagine! I was personally involved in a situation with him but out of RESPECT for him I didn t mention his name outright! Yes, I was writing about him but I deliberately refrained from mentioning his name because I know how unfair it is for him since he doesn t read this. He has no way of defending himself like I do. They BOTH don t. They both don t have blogs that they could use to express their side of the story. I respected them both and tried to keep their names out of here then here you come blabbering about love triangles and stuff that I doubt you understand. You still put their names down for everyone to see, knowing for a fact that a LOT of people are reading your blog. How callous of you.

You have really hurt me Vincent. I wouldn t react this way of you didn t. And if this is hurting you too (which is something I doubt) well. . . it s too bad. But you really ought to be careful with the things that you say and / or write because some people might think that you re just JEALOUS

Its funny. Here I thought you understood, I thought you were my friend. Just when I was starting to trust you again, now THAT would have been a mistake.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

TESTING LANG

2004-03-08T00:37:00.000+08:00

Good news is my cough is almost (ALMOST but not quite) gone. Bad news is I cant seem to fall asleep. I doubt theyre related though. Just an observation.

Anyway, I have been blog hopping. Asking people if I could link them here. Actually, with or without their permision I already did, but I dont know. I guess it was just but proper to inform people that Im going to help publicize their inner thoughts and feelings etc. so I asked. . . no wait, make that. . . informed them. Even if they get back to me or not I would still post it. Of course, if they specifically told me not to. Then I wont. I ll remove the link as fast as humanly possible.
But until then, you could gorge yourself with the minds of geniuses from Mascian batch 04

On a different note, I wonder how I could post pictures here. Do I just go ahead and paste it? Or does it require rigorous knowledge of HTML codes which i don't have (no surprise there) hmmm. . .

try ko kaya and see what happens. . .well here goes nothing. . .

Do you see anything? NO? Yeah, me too. O well, this is beyond me now. my copy and paste skills just doesn t seem to be enough. Too bad. Well, I cant do anything about it anymore. Unless of course, someone would be kind enough to tell me how. HINT, HINT!

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

ON BEING SICK

2004-03-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

My head hurts like seven kinds of hell, I can t breathe properly, I m coughing incessantly add a new haircut into the equation and you have Sunday for me!

I really feel horrible because I have Sinusitis, again. The keyword being AGAIN. I usually come down with cough and colds for more than five times a year. I even had it almost all through out my second year (most of my close friends know this). So you would think that I m used to this by now since I have been having it that frequently. But I m not. It doesn t make it any easier for me to go through all the symptoms. I don t think I can ever get used to, scratchy throat, painful coughing, blocked and often runny nose, severe headache, drowsiness, not to mention irritability and mood swings. Sheesh! I wish I could, but I can t. At least, not in the foreseeable future .

Well, I guess this is just one of those rare instances where experience does NOT help.

My only consolation I guess is that I won t be coming to school tomorrow. Then again, I have already missed a lot of my classes being the compulsive absentee that I am. And my teachers are going to kill me! Oh well, at least if they did it, they will put me out of my misery.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

AN AFTERNOON TO REMEMBER

2004-03-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

I can t believe how time flies. In less then a month from now we are going to graduate. Man!

It got me thinking. Maybe I should make a tribute to each section that I ve been in or something. Just to acknowledge their importance in my life. Hmmm…

Earlier my friends and I went out. As usual we hung out in Masci s annex, Robinson s Place Manila. Up until that point, the gravity of graduation and going off to college still hasn t sunk into my system. It changed that afternoon.

I m not claiming to be someone detached or impassive, quite the contrary. I m pretty emotional. But until this afternoon it still hasn t dawned to me that I would have to change schools again. That I would have to start all over again.! That I would be thrown into a whole new world where I know nothing and no one. And most of all, that I would have to leave my friends.

I know most would probably say that my fears are pretty groundless and I agree. But I m not exactly the best person to deal with change. Sure, I see a lot of advantages to this. New people, new challenges, new world. But the thought of probably never seeing the people who have been a big part of my life and had such a huge impact in it for the past four years everyday saddens me.

At the risk of sounding cheesy and using the cliché. I am on the verge of a new world of course, before doing that you must first leave the old one. It s really depressing. I nearly cried in G-Box. We all did. Especially when Raymond Lauchenco s Farewell came on. Darn! Luckily we were in a private room. (yup! We were in a videoke room, singing our hearts out.)

Anyway, I even listed the songs that we sang. If I feel up to it, I might burn it. Oh well…

Power of Two

Too Many Walls

Get Here

I ll Make Love to You

Forever

Every Now and Then

Farewell

Torete

Tell Me

Ironic

Can t Smile Without You

Don t Speak

Crazy For You

Cry

Never Ever

Stay

Simply Jessie

Can t Take My Eyes Off Of You

Time flies. Even if you don t want it to. But thank you Darwin . For everything.

This is probably the section the closest section I ve had. Aside from Curie of course. Thank you for giving me fond memories and good friends. See you guys around. Thanks!

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn t be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

PASSING THROUGH

2004-03-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

Its Friday tomorrow!!! End of test!!! Relief!!! Yehey!!! I ll probably watch a movie with my friends again. Which one? I don t know yet. Hmm.. I ll just get back to you on that. Anyway, I want to review the movie Peter Pan because technically I ve already seen it. But the thing is, it would be kind of unfair to rate something that I didn t finish watching. As expected of pirated cd s (what can I say? My uncle is the one who buys it! I just borrow it from him! I don’t buy that stuff. HONEST!) it jumps and it has a scratch etc. so the computer refused to read it. But at least I saw the first half of the first cd but I wasn t so lucky with the second cd coz it really didn t run at all. (darn, pirates!) Going back to the movie. I know I should hold off all judgments until I ve seen the whole movie but I can t help but react with the parts that I did see or should I say the part that I DIDN T see. I did NOT see a movie for children. I’ll elaborate further tomorrow. I have to sleep.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

JONIE

2004-03-01T22:14:00.000+08:00

When I was in the shower, I heard this song (courtesy of our neighbor s radio) that I haven t heard in a long while. It s entitled JONIE . I remember when I first heard it on the radio. I was if I m not mistaken in fourth grade. The radio was tuned in on one of those late night mellow radio stations that plays REALLY OLD songs from around 10 pm until midnight. I don t expect anyone to recognize this song because it s probably older than my mother (my type of music). Anyway, it s this type of song that tells a story, literally. It tells the story of this guy Jimmy and a girl named Jonie. Well, Jonie likes Jim a LOT. But the thing is, if I m not mistaken, Jimmy is twenty-two and Jonie is only fifteen. Because of their age difference Jimmy never really did take Jonie s feelings for him seriously. Then, there came a time that Jimmy had to go away and leave their place. Jonie was as expected heartbroken and devastated upon hearing the news. She then wrote Jimmy a letter that goes…
Jimmy, Jimmy wait for me.

Ill grow up someday you ll see.

Saving all my kisses just for you.

Signed with love,

forever true.
(this is an actual lyrics in the song.) when it came to the part that Jimmy read the letter, the song went…

her tear drops fell like rain that day,

when Jonie heard what I have got to say…

Jonie, Jonie please don t cry.

You ll forget me by and by.

You re fifteen and I m twenty-two.

Jonie I m sorry I just can t wait for you.

After leaving Jimmy realized that he missed Jonie more and more each day. He realized that he loves her. So, he decided to come back to their place and ask Jonie to marry him. But upon arriving there, he realized that a lot of things changed, especially his beloved, Jonie. When he came to see her it was the girl s turn to sing:

Jimmy, Jimmy please don t cry

you ll forget me by and by.

It s been five years since you ve been gone.

Jimmy I married your best friend John.

OUCH!

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn t be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

SIMPLE MATH

2004-03-01T21:16:00.000+08:00

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

THIS IS DEDICATED TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

IT'S RAINING POSTS!

2004-03-01T21:09:00.000+08:00

I am going to flood this blog if its the last thing I do. If I have to post a 100 page fanfic to do it I would. Just so I could force this thing to archive my entries. So Im sorry if youll be forced to read endless rambling and different articles. By the way I got all these from the oringe yahoo group so all compliments should be addressed to them. I DID NOT MAKE THEM! Im not that good. Ciao! Au revoir! Bonne nuit tout le monde!

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

ANNOYING HABITS OF WOMEN

2004-03-01T21:02:00.000+08:00

BY MICHAEL DE GUZMAN

January 17, 2002 | I love women. I grew up with them. I grew up around them. I have known them as sisters, friends, lovers and colleagues. Why, I even have one for a mother. Yet despite having spent all my life with women, I have yet to fully understand what goes on in their pretty little heads. Like what that book said, women are from a totally different planet. Just to show how different men are from women, try searching for "annoying habits of women" on the Internet. The first 30 choices would show a list of annoying habits of men and not women. Why? Because women would do exactly that...list the guy's annoying habits and distribute it among her girl friends. Men usually don't make lists of the annoying habits of the women in their lives. (Even if they did, they'd probably forget about it.) Just to be fair, I think women ought to know what ticks us off, don't you think?

10. Travelling in Packs
I could never understand this about you women. Why must you go around accompanied by other women? You know how hard it is for guys to strike up a conversation when your girl friend is giving you a suspicious look? Guys would have to wait for one of you to break from the pack to begin an approach-kinda like lions stalking gazelles. And if we do dare approach one of you in a pack sooner or later one of your girl friends would go-"Let's go to the washroom." I never realized that going to the bathroom was a group activity. I have been informed that women talk when they're inside the washroom. Okay maybe they do need to go to the bathroom but that probably takes five minutes tops. The next 10 minutes goes to chika. About what? Practically about anything. Which leads us to...

9. Over-analysis
Women love to talk. You can talk about anything. Your favorite approach though is dissecting every single bit of information in a dialogue. What he said. What exactly did he mean by it. How did he say it. Can't you take anything for what it is? It's not like we're doing an exegesis of the Bible or anything. When we say "Hey let's have lunch" we mean "Let's-get-food-together". It's not "Let's get food together so I can jump your bones". Nah we don't do that. (Not all of us anyway.) A real guy, one who you can truly respect, would say what he wants outright.

8. Kikay-ness
Okay, I know most of you like cutesy stuff. Things with big eyes. Anthropomorphic things. Things with fur. Once in a while we can appreciate the cute stuff. It's a dreary world and a lot of bad things are happening and yes we'd like to see cute, funny things once in awhile. But please there's such a thing as overdoing it. Insisting of having everything in purple is not cute. Having PowerPuff underwear might be cute and even sexy but insisting on calling you Buttercup when you're 35 is downright scary.

7. License to Drool
How come it's okay for you to drool at Tom Cruise or that Legolas character from "Lord of the Rings" but if I even mention Assunta de Rossi or Angelina Jolie you start developing a pout?And speaking of double-standards...

6. You Against Us
Everytime two or more women gather together, why does it have to turn into Men vs Women? Eventually the discussion devolves into "Don't you hate it when he..." or "Guy kasi eh." Sure I'm for equality between sexes but come on! The Bra-burning 60s and the Girl Power 90s are over and done with. You're getting the recognition you deserve so please don't get Womyn on us and pounce, ok? You don't have to turn everything into a gender issue. We're on the same side.

5. The Phone Trap
Stop insisting that I say "I love you" over the phone. Because you don't know who may be within earshot and it won't help if I get mushy with you right now. (Especially if you ask me to say it in the Elmer Fudd voice.)

4. Stop Feeding Us!
Or more specifically, stop asking us to finish your food. Once in awhile it's okay to do it but if everytime we eat out, we end up finishing that whole plate of pasta you ordered maybe you'd better rethink next time you order. And then you complain about how our stomachs start spilling over our jeans.

3. We're Not Mind Readers
When we ask you what's wrong, we need you to tell us. It doesn't help if you just respond with "You should know." We won't be asking if we knew right? Knowing what you want is well and good. Communicating it however is an entirely, equally important task. It would be a big help if you don't keep us guessing. We don't have your intuition.

2. Nag
Sometimes the surest way for a guy not to do anything you ask him to do is for you to remind him over and over again. You know what goes on a guy's head when you nag him? He unconsciously blocks off what you're saying-like adultspeak in those Charlie Brown cartoons. It becomes background noise and naturally it will be forgotten. The tip is to look at a guy straight in the eye and ask if he has done that thing you were asking him to do. If he answers negatively, just say 'uh-huh.' And walk away. Which will bring up #3 on our list. If he asks you what's wrong then you can tell him what he hasn't done yet. That way, you don't nag.

1. The Trick Question
It's not fair to ever ask us the question: "Do I look fat?" Any answer to that question spells trouble. We say no, and you'll say we're patronizing. We say yes, and you accuse of being mean and that we don't love you anymore. What's a poor guy to do?

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

ANG GAMOT SA NAGDURUGONG PUSO.....

2004-03-01T20:43:00.000+08:00

I really dont know how I came up with this... eh una sa lahat wala naman ako prob sa lablayp.... pero wala lang... kahit sabihin kong masaya ako... parang di pa rin ako mapalagay na nakikita at naririnig na sa mundong ito, may mga nasasaktan pa rin... at ang masakit pa nun... ang iba dun ang mga kaibigan ko. Ive been hurt so many times na in my life na, minsan pa nga.. mismong kakain ako ng big mac eh tetext ako ng gf ko na pagalit.. aun... sira na nanaman ang araw ko..

Ung mga iba ko namang kaibigan, mas matindi pa ang storya.... pinagpalit daw sila sa iba... kunwari sila ang liligawan, pero ung nag lakad pa sa kanila ang siyang nakatuluyan ng lalaki.... hanubayun! Whatta sawi moment na maituturing.... pero I made her realize na love is unfair tlga.. lalo na pag ikaw ang nadehado. parang naging survival of the fittest na nga ang nangyayari ngayon sa pag ibig eh... ung tipong pag maganda ka, gwapo ang makakatuluyan mo, at kapag pangit ka, laking tsamba lang pag may hitsura pa ang napili mo. Eh ako naman di ganun kagwapuhan, di rin cute, minsan lang masabihan na may hitsura, eh di rin pinaligtas ng pag ibig.. haay... puro peklat na tlga tong puso ko.... dahil na rin cguro sa mga sugat noon.

Ilang taon din akong nagtiis na walang minahal.....or should I say walang nagmamahal sakin? That was the worst period of my life. Ung tipong mahal ko lang ang sarili ko dahil no choice eh.. la naman nagmamahal sakin, wala nga nagkakagusto sakin.. san pa ako? BUT as they always say.... IN every cloud, there's a silver lining. Oo tama, dahil sa mga panahong hirap ako sa labylayp.. natutunan ko na rin ang mag survive sa hirap at sakit na dulot ng pag ibig. Nanjan ung aliwin ang sarili sa barkada, pagbabad sa bilyaran o sa computer, pag aliw sa sarili ng ilang oras sa chat... o kaya'y ubusin ng husto ang laman ng ref mo, at sa mga babae naman, eh mag pa parlor, punta sa bahay ng bespren... lahat na para lang makalimutan ang mapait na nakaraan. So ano nga ba tlga ang mga gamot sa nagdurugong puso?

IT IS NOT WHAT YOU DO THAT MAKES THE DIFFERENCE, BUT HOW YOU THINK.

Kahit libutin mo na ang buong luzon para kalimutan cya, kung hindi pa rin magbabago ang mindset mo about love.. sorry dude. WA EPEK... as in wala.. blanko... void.... null... empty set... zero percent... kapos... mintis... airball.... eh bakit?

Material pleasure can't compensate for the pain ur heart receives..... and pag ang heart eh nasaktan.. apektado na rin malamang ang utak.. coz they are in mutual status... masaktan ang isa.... masasaktan na rin ang kabila. Try changing ur mindset..... kung baga sa computer e kung panay palpak ang ginagawa ng hardware mo, at nagtataka ka kung bakit nakailang palit ka na eh sa karton pa rin ang ending nya, eh baka sa software na mismo ang problema, d b?

Kung basted ka ng babaeng mahal mo..... drinking every night and bar hopping won't do you good, tska gastos lang yan. Lying in ur bed the whole night and rolling there like a lumpia won't help yah ease the pain. Dapat alam mo na ang gagawin.... PRAY. KAhit gano ka pa ka demonyo eh sa pagdarasal pa rin ang tuloy mo dude. Totoo un. FInd a time alone na one day, kausapin mo Siya na parang kabarkada mo lang cya.. talk to Him as if kausap mo ang pinaka close na tao sa buhay mo... He can touch the hardest hearts and the va inest minds. He did that to me and im sure magagawa din nya sa inyo un.

Sa mga iniwanan ng kanilang bf/gf eh wag na wag kayo manonood ng mga movies na may IWANAN na tema.. its like jumping into a quicksand... lalo nyo lang nilubog ang sarili nyo.. sa mga nagsesenti naman... o cge oks lang yan... kasi ako rin ganun e.. d ba nga ang music is the choir of your heart? kahit ga BALDE na ang luha mo kaiiyak sa tune ng One last Cry ni Brian mcKnight eh oks lang un... kahit in reality hindi. Try straightening ur goals, point of views, or beliefs. Ano ba tlga ang gusto mo mangyari sa buhay mo? Sa lablayp mo? Siya ba tlga ang mahal mo? Kung siya tlga at di ka nya mahal, is it necessary ba tlga na dapat maging kayo para sumaya ka? Uncond itional ba tlga ang love mo for him? Eh bakit naghahanap ka ng kapalit na pagmamahal? Bakit ka nasasaktan pag nalaman mong di ka pala mahal? Ano ba tlga ang definition mo ng loving someone? Bukal ba sa loob mo na masaya ka for her kahit hindi ikaw ang reason ng kanyang happiness? May umiibig bang hindi nabibi go? Pwede ka bang magmahal na hindi nasasaktan? ANong gusto mo, magmahal na masaktan, o hindi mahalin? You see, asking yourself these questions might straighten those curly love lashes of yours. DOnt think of ur inferiority, ung tipong kesyo pangit ka, may pimples ka, kulang ka sa height, kulang sa pera.... KAsi if the girl or guy dumped you dahil lang sa kakulangan mo sa pisikal na bagay, eh hindi tlga cya deserving na mahalin.. pramis. Ibang tao lang tlga ang bagay para sa kanila. Ikaw ba ung tipong tao na nakikita ang love in a black and white scale? Well...its now the right moment to realize na ang love have gray spots in it.. na hindi lahat ng tama ay tama at di lahat ng mali ay mali. BEing not open to these gray spots would spell disaster sa inyong "Getting over" na stage...

ano ba tlga tong gray spots na to? Ung tipong people who tend to fall out of love... hindi sa nagsasawa pero bigla na lang nila nalalaman na hindi na pala nila mahal ung gf/bf nila.. there's nothing really wrong about it (sa isang side).. kasi ganun tlga... di naman din nya sinadya na mahalin ka eh.. eh malamang di rin nya sadya ang mawala ang love nya... tamang isipin natin na love is a feeling... but it is not a decision... the decision part comes only when it concerns MAINTAINING the love... so as long as there's a feeling of love.. may decision kang i maintain un.... but un nga.. WHAT'S THE POINT OF MAINTAINING SOMETHING NA WALA NA TLGA? Eh kung wala nang love... eh wala na tlga. Kung tumagal man kayo, baka awa na lang ang nararamdaman niya to you. That's why it is important na ma clarify mo ang sarili mo sa mga ganitong gray spots....

Wala kang gelplen or boyplen....... SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? sa unang tingin nakakainggit.. kasi nga may ka holding hands sila.. may natatawagan para mag gudnyt at i love you at kung anong klaseng panlalambing.... pero kung tutuusin... may kanya kanyang advantage at disadvantage ang pagiging single. disadvantages nga ung nabanggit earlier in this paragraph. Ang advantage? You can take care of yourself, or pag nagaaral ka pa eh you can concentrate on ur thesis... Magagawa mo rin ang di mo magagawa pag meron kayong ka relasyon, tama ba ako? So dont tell me na hindi ka masaya dahil lang sa wala kang gf/bf.... ang dami pang single jan, and karamihan sa kanila eh masaya din sa buhay nila.. believe me.

Pero we should also take into consideration na masarap din ang feeeling ng naaalagaan.. at minmahal d b? Well... that's where appreciating what your friends do to you comes into play. Friends or peers will always be there.. ung mga ka barkada mong iniwan mo sa ere para lang dumamubs sa yong girl eh babalik at babalikan mo rin bandang huli.... although hindi tlga healty na sabihing " Haaay sakit lang sa ulo yang mga lalaki" or "Gastos lang ang alam ng mga babaeng yan".... we should be fair.... ganun tlga... some will win.. some will lose. There's no point getting lost in ur life... nakagawa man sila ng mali... sila na ang bahala dun.. they only gave you the opport unity to react... but not the specfic reaction. Kung nasktan man tyo, hindi na nila problema un,problema na natin un. PAg ikaw ba eh nagmukmok sa isang sulok dahil sa ginawa nya eh iiyak ba cya? Hindi. Sa huli ikaw ang kawawa.

After a break up..... act and look better. Sa unang rinig eh parang ang hangin ng dating... but the fact is... kailangan mo tlga gawin to. Why? Imagine you just had a break up with ur gf or bf.. tpos magpapakaawa effect ka to her... papasuin mo ang sarili mo ng yosi or maglalasing every night or magpupuyat hanggat sa magkaron ka na ng eye bags... tpos bigla ka nakita ng X mo... ano na lang ang sasabihn ng X mo? Kung balikan ka nun eh wag ka na rin matuwa kasi for sure malaki ang probablity nun eh naawa lang cya sayo. Stand tall and proud. HEllo?!?!??! Sino ba cya? As if mamamatay ka pag nawala cya, oo mahal mo cya.... pero kailangan naman mahalin mo rin ang saril mo, a man who can't love himself cannot trully love others.. look better not in a way na makakabingwit ka uli ng mga guys pero in a way na hindi ka tlga magmukhang talunan. ANd besides, pag nagkita kayo, make him/her tell to him/her self... " Gosh!! Yan ba ung iniwanan ko? HOw can i let her slip away from m e?" O d b? Kasi kung mukha ka na tlga losyang o dugyot after ur break up eh baka lalo lang nya naisip na tama ang naging break up nyo. Explore ur world..... kahit mahal natin ang isang tao... we can't away from the fact na kailangan natin maging exposed... d b? It's like a butterfly in a bottle of mayonnaise.. di makawala... di makita ng ibang tao ang kanyang kakayahan at kagandahan.... and even worse baka mamatay pa un,d b?

Sa mga probs na ganyan... alcohol and cigarettes don't work. Harapin mo na agad ang reality na nangyayari ang mga ganung bagay na hindi natin gusto. PAgsubok lang yan... hindi pa yan kamatayan. Funny coz lagi na lang sinasabi satin na THe lord God won't give us problems na hndi natin masosolve... pero still parang nagbibingi-bingian pa rin tyo.... natatakot pa rin tyo...

Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Ano ba tlga ang goal mo? Ang magmahal o magkaron ng gf/bf? If you chose the latter, hindi ka tlga magiging happy.... Stop looking for love.. start being lovable. OPen ur heart to pain.. coz with pain comes happiness.... happiness na hindi kaagad nahahanap.. coz it slowly integrates from those little things that you do for love. Wear a smiling face always.... but dont smile alone... baliw ang tawag dun. What i mean is people tend to get close to those whom they know na masaya and maganda ang mindset. Stop talking and thinking about failures and pain.... coz what you think would most likely attract you.

BUt as always, its easier said than done.... tulad ko... ang dali kong sabihin to kasi im not in a not-so-nice situation.. pero natutunan ko tong mga to from my experience na rin eh... hindi naman tlga madali... pero hindi rin tlaga mahirap. ITs all in the mind and the heart. Kahit ano pang gawin sayo ng pag ibig..... always open ur heart.... dapat laging alive.... because you cannot love with a dead heart. Dont ever tell urself na ikaw ang pinakakawawang nilalang sa pagibig.... pano na lang ang mga taong namatayan.... mas masakit un d b? NAgkataon lang tlga na iba iba tyo ng problema....

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

LOVE IS A GAME AND FLIRTING IS A SPORT

2004-03-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

That’s what my best friend in high school used to tell me. My initial reaction the first time she told me that was, What kind of a comparison is that?. After three years of going to gimiks and dating guys, I realized that it was the best analogy about love and flirting that I have ever heard.

Yes, love truly is a game and flirting is a sport. Love, a far too complicated game, I shall leave undiscussed. However, I shall explain what flirting is and why, though it is not recognized by the Philippine Sports Commission, it can be considered a sport.

The dictionary defines the act of flirting as to courting a person playfully or without serious intentions. It also means to take risk such as flirting with death. While sport is an athletic activity like any game or pastime such as hunting or fishing. A sport is also a form of amusement where fun can be derived out of playing a certain game.

If the one who plays a sport is called an athlete, it is then the person called a “flirt” who is the athlete in the sport of flirting. The flirt, like an athlete, has his/her goal of winning by garnering a high score. However, the flirt obtain points not through hitting the ball like a baseball player or shooting baskets like an NBA star but instead the flirt counts his/her points based on the attention and approval he/she’s getting from a targeted person called a “prospect”.

Hunting, among all other sports, is most comparable to flirting. Flirting follows a procedure that is very similar to hunting. The steps are as follows:

a. Studying the area, environment and terrain. A flirt doesn't just walk right into a person and pounces on the prospect. He/she scans the place where he/she is while taking into consideration the type of crowd he/she is with. An example is when a flirt is with a group of people in a party that has a reputation of being wild, then the flirt can do the flirting with much ease. Flirting when with a group of people, within the campus, who come from the usual school organization is more difficult than flirting in the presence of party people. One must also check the terrain for possible obstacles such as other flirts roaming around the area or even the prospect’s girlfriend/boyfriend. It is essential to overcome these obstacles as quickly as possible to get faster results. In scanning the area, the flirt is able to choose a place wherein he/she can do her “thing” without calling too much attention.

b. Searching for possible prospects. The flirt surveys the area for possible prospects. The prospects are chosen based on certain characteristics, which the flirt prefers. A good-looking prospect is always the top choice of a flirt. However, how a good-looking prospect is chosen depends on the flirt’s taste. If the playing field doesn’t have any good-looking people, then the flirt usually singles out the most confident, intelligent or most impressive-looking person in the group. It is essential to be attracted to the prospect whether physically or cerebrally in order to be able to show a natural interest in the person. There are times that a flirt can go for a prospect solely for the purpose of having fun or getting attention from the most liked guy in the group.

c. Plotting a game plan/strateg. Unlike hunting that usually uses small animals or food as baits and guns as armaments, it is charm and flattery that is used as baits and the armament used is strong body language.

Common flirting techniques/styles practiced:

Stare-smile-look away-attack. The flirt stares at the prospect’s face and when the prospect sees him/her staring, the flirt smiles then looks away. This is the handiest of all techniques because it can be used anytime, anywhere and with anyone. The flirt can use this while spotting a cute prospect walking around the mall or even when one is sitting near a prospect in a Tamaraw FX or jeepney. In parties and bars, this is also used often especially when the flirt does not know even the prospect’s name. This can be repeated a lot of times with intervals ranging from 30 seconds to a few minutes.

Eye Contact.When conversing with a prospect the flirt looks into the eyes of the prospect. One must try to listen intently or at least pretend to be listening. This never fails when the flirt is already conversing with a prospect because it is simply being human to love attention and total eye contact during a conversation gives the prospect the feeling that he is important and interesting.

The Hair.Female flirts use the head-side-toss with the hair-toss to get the prospect’s attention especially towards the neck or cleavage area. A male flirt usually moves his fingers through his hair in order to attract attention towards his face and his shinny hair. This works best when the flirt is talking to the prospect or listening to the prospect.

Killer Flattery. This technique usually gets the prospect’s full attention. A man loves to keep a huge ego and a woman loves to feel beautiful inside or out. Basically, humans are inclined to love attention and to love the feeling of being admired. The flirt being aware of this human inclination uses flattery in order to get the attention he/she wants. An example is when the flirt says, “You have expressive eyes.” or “You look like someone from a TV commercial.” When the prospect also gives the flirt compliments then it means that they have gone into flirting mode.

Touch Therapy. The most powerful tool/technique of all is body language. Hand movements are the most effective. This assures the prospect that the flirt is physically attracted to him/her. Female flirts use their hands best while eating or drinking. The way the hand holds the fork and knife or when she wipes her mouth with the table napkin releases strong signals to the opposite sex. Touching the male prospect’s shoulder while talking works well. Hand movement combined with eye contact is usually gets the prospect very interested. A male flirt usually touches a female prospect’s shoulder, hand or waist. Talking with only less than a foot between the prospect and the flirt’s faces is considered intense body language. Being touchy welcomes the possibility of getting a little overboard with the prospect. However, most flirtatious people are willing to take that risk and that gives them the feeling of excitement.

d. Execution (Putting the plan into action). There many techniques used by flirts in order to score points with the opposite sex or with the same sex (for those who consider themselves unconventional). One must execute each technique with finesse, grace and confidence. For girls, the less obvious that you are playing around the better. It is better to remember that flirting is like taking a risk and girls should be more cautious. The intensity of the execution varies depending on the type of prospect, the situation and the results the flirt wants to get.

There are many kinds of flirts out there and yet it is only those who play the sport well using both charms and brains who can be considered skilled flirts. A skilled flirt just doesn’t smile and flatter another person out of instinct but is the kind of flirt who knows what to do in any situation. This kind of flirt doesn’t have a fixed plan for every situation; instead he/she adjusts his/her flirting style depending on the reaction of the prospect to his/her flirting techniques.

Like in any game or sport to goal is to win. Now how does the flirt know when he/she has won or at the least done a good job? When you get the results you wanted then you are doing well. There are signs of good performance like when the prospect responds to your flirting techniques…or if the prospect flirts back. Another is when the flirt is able to take the flirting into a higher level or higher intensity as time passes by. The flirt can be declared a winner when the prospect’s attention is completely centered him/her especially if the prospect came to the party/bar/place with someone else. If the prospect asks for the flirt’s text number or landline phone number or the prospect readily gives his/her number away, then the prey had just been caught.

As the old saying goes…

“It’s not whether you win or lose but it’s how you play the game.”

For those aspiring to be athletes in the sport called flirting, I just have one piece of advice to give away…

“Practice makes perfect.”

Happy hunting…umm…flirting!

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

YOU ARE LOVED MORE THAN YOU THINK

2004-03-01T20:27:00.001+08:00

Maybe we have to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

.oOo.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

.oOo.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

.oOo.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

.oOo.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

You are liked and loved by others, far more than you think.

.oOo.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

.oOo.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.

Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.

Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile...

.oOo.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

.oOo.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

.oOo.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

.oOo.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

.oOo.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

.oOo.

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

.oOo.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

.oOo.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

.oOo.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

.oOo.

You Are Loved More Than You Think

Maybe we have to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

.oOo.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

.oOo.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

.oOo.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

.oOo.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

You are liked and loved by others, far more than you think.
.oOo.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

.oOo.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive.

Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.

Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile...

.oOo.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

.oOo.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

.oOo.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

.oOo.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

.oOo.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

.oOo.

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

.oOo.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

.oOo.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

.oOo.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

.oOo.

You Are Loved More Than You Think

Maybe we have to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

.oOo.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

.oOo.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

.oOo.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

.oOo.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

You are liked and loved by others, far more than you think.

.oOo.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

.oOo.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.

Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.

Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile...
.oOo.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

.oOo.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

.oOo.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

.oOo.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

.oOo.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

.oOo.

Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

.oOo.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

.oOo.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

.oOo.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

.oOo.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

MYTH OF LOVE

2004-03-01T20:27:00.000+08:00

Do you ever wonder if you really have a soulmate?

Do you ever wonder why there are gays and lesbians?

Dont you ever wonder why some people love their same sex?

Do you ever wonder why some people love their opposite sex?

And do you ever wonder why these love are indestructible?

Why do most people seem to cannot live without someone to love?

And finally, why is it that people do not know what they have until it is gone?

Let me tell you about the Myth of Love...

It was said that before, in the origin of times, there were three sexes; male, female, and rogene. Original humans do not look like how we humans look today. Humans before were said to be twice of each person now, with two heads, two pair of eyes, two pair of lips, four hands, four feet, two bodies, two hearts, and of course two genitals.

Then, if the person has two vaginas, that is a female. If the person has two penis, that is a male person. If the person has both the two different organs, a vagina and a penis, then that person is an androgene.

They said that androgenes were the most beautiful people among all because they have mostly the best features and characteristics of both the male and the female.

Because these people dream of being in heaven, even if they already have the heavens in their selves, they want to experience it even for just a little while. And so they climbed to Mount Olympus.Zeus got furious upon seeing the people going up the mountain. He said, How dare these immortals climb our wondrous world? And to think Id let them experience it! Especially now that they do not cherish of what they have!!! He got so mad that he used his lightning bolts to cut each person in half to make them weaker enough so as not to continue on climbing.

The God of Healers healed the wounds of the people cut in half. And from then on, everyone started to look out for their pair the moment they got down from the mountains.

This is why there is the term soulmates. Their bodies, in which their souls rest, used to be one. Therefore soulmates.

They said that this is also the reason why there are people who love their same sex, the gays and lesbians. They are the males and females before. And this also explains why gays are creative, because they are both males before, they tend to concentrate on what they lack. The same thing for lesbians. Because they are both females before, they tend to be strong as not to be underestimated.

Androgenes would be equal to male and female lovers. That is why nowadays these couples are the most acceptable, stronger, and the most beautiful among all partners, they have the strength of both males and females.

Lovers nowadays, whether gay, lesbian, or male and female couples, are indestructible because they are the pairs before. They are really meant to be.

This myth also explains why it is natural for people to just realize the value of the people they love only when they are about to be gone or are already gone. Because this happened even before, and we become weaker without our pair. We realize that we need them, truly love them, and that together, we are stronger.

This is also why we kiss. We always try to find the lips wherein ours will fit well.

This is also why we like to hold hands with the one we love, to find out if the spaces between their fingers are the spaces where ours used to lay.

And finally, this is why we always find someone to love. We always want to complete ourselves... Because we need the strength of the one we love in order to go on with the hardships of life... we need to fill in a missing space... and most of all, because we used to have two hearts. We need to find the other one.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

JUST FOR LAUGHS

2004-03-01T20:17:00.001+08:00

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!

HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said, with a charming little smile, We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

OPINIONS

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle, the phone rang; so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. It's the minister, Mommy, the child said to her mother. Then she added, Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a little boy before?

POLICE # 1

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, Are you a cop? Yes, I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right? Yes, that's right, I told her. Well, then, she said as she extended her foot toward me, Would you please tie my shoe?

POLICE # 2

It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking; and I saw a little boy staring in at me. Is that a dog you got back there? he asked. It sure is, I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then toward the back of the van. Finally he said, What'd he do?

ELDERLY

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, The tooth fairy will never believe this!

DEATH

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers; and, with sonorous dignity, he intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ... and into the hole he gooooes.

SCHOOL

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. I'm just wasting my time, she said to her mother. I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!

BIBLE

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. Mama, look what I found, the boy called out. What have you got there, dear? With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, I think it's Adam's underwear!

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

COLLEGE FACTS

2004-03-01T20:17:00.000+08:00

You have to know that...

… The cafeteria is THE Studying Place.

… You could exhaust your budget in the 1st week of the semester.

… Once youre behind, you can never catch up.

… Professors think their course is the only one you have.

… No time for vandalism. Time is gold.

… Term papers could be renamed OVERNIGHT JOBS.

… Youll be playing SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST for the rest of your college life!

… You learn to appreciate the taste of beer - the cheapest of all alcoholic beverages.

… Youll meet a lot of stupid yet smart mates but incomparable to your adventurous buddies in high school.

… Every clock on campus shows a different time.

… Tissue is very important... for emergencies....

… You would go to a party the night before the exam.

… Youll wish that you were still in High School.

… Youre lucky if you slept for 5 hours straight for 1 night.

… E-mailing is a very, very important way of communicating.

… The earlier you arrive for class, the later it will start.

… NO ONE CARES IF YOU WERE SMART IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!

… You can study hard and still fail a test.

… Youll spend more time exploring stuff than studying.

… One lab course can involve more than all other courses combined.

… Before you know it, youve already lost touch with some of your high school friends.

… Love can get in the way! (huh?! whats new?!)

… Passing notes... big NO, NO!!! no one does it anymore anyway...

… Money for xerox machines, food, fees, leisure, etc.

… You could become one of those people that your parents warned you about.

… Instructors office hours are just myths.

… Youll be running from professors to professors.

… The word SAVING doesnt exist coz its hard to save!!!

… Vending machines will eat up ALL your money.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

HIGH SCHOOL PREVIEW SURVEY

2004-03-01T19:58:00.000+08:00

Vincent and Lei have this on theirs. So ill put it in mine too.
Your High School: Manila Science High School

Your Batch: 2004

1. nickname in high school?

Ate Rizsa (first year and exclusive to Curie people only),

Rizsa (second year onwards),

Riz (umm.. I think this started 3rd year when people were more reluctant to say your complete name),

Rayza (for stubborn teachers who cant seem to pronuounce Z and S together. Hello! I mean its not even in one syllable) and lastly

Izzie (for the sole benefit of Json Clemente ) ,

2. sport you were into?

do I have one?! Well…badminton I guess (sheesh!)

3. had a barkada? how many were you?

Yes! Well a lot: Curie (whole section full), Gang of four?!? (4), Darwin (5), Spice (5)

4. best subject?

English, Accounting (w/o the complication of math thank you), Filipino and Values Ed (What?!? I WAS good in it! Honest! )!

5. worst subject? -

Math (hands down!)

6. a teacher you owe life lessons to?

does it have to be in highschool?! Oh fine, I guess Mrs. Lucena?! (Vincent, Leo ang kilay ibaba and kindly wipe that smirk of your faces!!!!! i have this innate inclination to like English teachers! Old habits die hard!)

7. a teacher you wanna kick in the ass?

I dunno. I usually dont remember people like that

Describe In One Word 8. freshman year: -fun

9. sophomore year: - vague

10. junior year: - chaotic?!

11. senior year: - more chaotic

12. your best friend was? –

Curie girls, Vincent (hes going to kill me if I didnt say he was), RB (he is!!!!), Sander (duh!)

13. your worst friend was? - Next question please

14. cafeteria food sucked? –

though overly priced, palatable (enough said)

15. most hilarious school rule?

the ones that determine who the admin is?! (if it is a school rule)

16. wore uniforms? – Yup. Highschool!!! duh!!!

17. how was the prom? – memorable

18. who was prom king and queen?

Benjo/Grace and Eric/Jeremie

19. any achievements?

Not worthy enough to be mentioned. English contest usually.

20. were you popular?

depends on how you define it, either way, no.

21. best song that reminds you of high school? –

No such thing by John Mayer

22. unforgettable high school crush? -

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Mentioned and

He-Who-Doesnt-Deserve-To-Be (Mentioned)...

23. most embarrassing moment?

ummmm... have to get back on that

24. memory youd like to forget about high school?

none! (I wish!)

25. best memory?

A lot. I got four years full of them

26. any regrets?

sometimes, depends on my mood

27. would you like your future child to attend your high school?

why not?! Better change the admin by that time…

28. were the bathrooms clean?

define clean

29. how were the lunch ladies?

Ummm…. Theyre people who serve the food. Oh and some are guys.

30. lyrics that would best describe your high school life: -

I want to run through the halls of my high school.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

I just found out theres no such thing as the real world.

Just a lie weve got to rise above.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

BEFORE THE SAPPINES

2004-02-29T23:59:00.001+08:00

I recopied our picture. You know THE picture last prom. Ill give you back the original, if you still want it that is. Oh, and I guess this is as good time as any to admit that, *gasp!* Im jealous of someone over you. *gasp!* yup! Of course I still love you! *gasp!* Duh! Its the whole point of this thing. The reason you cant let go is because I havent completely let go yet.

Anyway, I wont tell you who she is. Unless of course you personally ask me. Which is impossible because

1. Were not even talking

2. Youre never going to read this (not if I can help it )

And there was cheesiness…

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

THE RELATIONSHIP

2004-02-29T23:59:00.000+08:00
To You,

As I said I would never regret what happened between the two of us. I couldnt think of anyone else better to be my first boyfriend than you because you made me feel so special and loved. And you gave me the happiest three months of my life.

I wish I could have been better for you.

I wish it could have worked out.

I wish I tried harder.

And I wish I could blame this all on HIM but I couldnt.

As much as I would love to pin this all on him, it wasnt his fault. He didnt do anything wrong (well, okay so maybe he did) but Im by far guiltier than him.

You know, until now I still dont know why we broke up. Is it really that impossible for us to be together? Or was it because I gave up on the first sign of trouble? It makes me wonder if maybe I wasnt so guilty could it have worked? Maybe if I held on long enough things could have changed. I dont know. No one really does. Now the best thing we could do is move on and stop thinking of maybes. At least I was really happy. And Im forever grateful for that. I hope you were too.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

PROM DISASTER

2004-02-29T23:58:00.000+08:00
To YOU,

Im going to be honest with you. A few days ago I was really angry at you. Well, pissed off actually. Or both. And my entries this week are witnesses to that.

I got angry because of your possessiveness.

I got angry because I had to conform to what others say (Hazel) and give in to what you were asking.

I got angry because once AGAIN I hurt you.

I got angry because I felt like I had no right to refuse you since you were my date.

I got angry because I felt like the sorriest excuse for a human being.

I got angry for feeling that way.

And I got agry at YOU because YOU made me feel that way.

Im not exactly making sense, I know. But Im not blaming you okay. Those were my emotions. MINE. Come to think of it, Im just blowing this out of proportion. I shouldnt have gotten angry over such a trivial thing. I should have just dropped the subject and ended the discussion then and there. But I didnt. Up until now I still dont know what came over me to make me that mad. Maybe it was all the frustrations that I have been bottling up for the past 2 years welling up or maybe it was all the pent up emotions that I couldnt hide anymore. Who knows?! Coz I sure as hell dont. Really! You know Im not like that. I dont know what happened. I usually just clam up and not let my feelings show especially around you. I know how sensitive you are about stuff concerning me and our relationship so I try to shield?! you from me. Hey, Im not a saint (far from it) but I do care about what you feel. Then of course, my so-called attempt at protecting you is actually more for my benefit. Im just not comfortable relaying my true feelings to others, I told you that before so Im sure compared to others you can at least understand me BETTER. Anyway, enough about me. This is supposed to be about you. Not that youre actually going to read it. But it helps me to vent.

Anyhow... disastrous ending aside, I had fun. Thank you for the great evening. Did I tell you, you looked hot? Guess I didnt. But you looked good and you were such a gentleman. You made me feel the prettiest girl ever (which is no small feat) so I salute you. You were perfect that night. Thank you for the flowers and especially the fond memories. I really cant thank you enough. For all its worth, Thank you.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

THE PAST

2004-02-29T23:57:00.000+08:00
To You,

I know there is nothing new in this argument. Im not going to say sorry anymore. Whats done is done. And Im sure youre also pretty tired of hearing me say sorry. It seems thats what Ive always been doing, saying sorry. So now, I wont.

You know, I meant what I said in my testimonial. I would never regret all of this. Yes, we caused each other pain and tears (a lot of it) and sure I could have done or handled things better but given the chance Id probably do it again. Because it helped me grow and Id like to think that you did too. I said I wont say sorry so Ill just say Thank You for making me grow up and face the consequences of my actions and for making me owe up to my responsibilities.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

THE FUTURE

2004-02-29T23:55:00.000+08:00
To you,

Five years from now or maybe even less, when we see each other again, youll probably thank me. Im not going to undermine your feelings for me and question its depth. I know that NOW you believe you really love me ( and you never made me feel anything less). But well never know. Probably in our reunion youll vaguely remember that ugly fat girl in high school that was stupid enough to not accept and appreciate your love. Then youll probably even wonder what the hell came over you that made you fall for her. And then youll thank your lucky stars that you easily got away. While Ill be there sulking in one corner berating myself for letting you go.

I know Im probably making the biggest mistake of my life by letting you go. Ill probably even regret this for the rest of my life because you would be the only one who will really love and accept me for who I am. Youve probably even spoiled me for anyone else. Youve set such a high standard by treating me so well. That the next one stupid enough to fill in after you (if there ever will be) will have to live up to such high standards that youve set. And its also probable that no one will love me as much as you do.

I want to stay and chance it again. I really do…

But this is a mistake that I have to make. I have to make my own path as I see it. I cant base my future on fears and insecurities. I cant live on what ifs forever, I have to start living. And if that means being a looser well, too bad. As the song goes at least I did it my way. but thank you for making me feel so loved. This is probably the last time Im ever going to feel this way and Im grateful that at least when Im an old spinster living alone in some dump in Pasig I can look back and say that at one point in my life, someone loved me so much.

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

THE PROMISE

2004-02-29T23:43:00.000+08:00
To You,

I promise you that this would be the last time that Im going to write about you in this blog (write about you directly that is) of course I cant promise that you wont come up in the later entries. Lets face it. You are such a big part of my life and whether you like it or not you are one of the key people who have shaped it into what it is now. So I cant really tell if you wont come up. Dont worry I will never purposely say anything against you. It is up to you if youll choose to do the same or not. If you do, thanks. If not, its okay. I understand.

We are about to go our separate ways and probably never see each other again. Unless of course by some twisted fate we both end up going to the same college. But Im honored that I met you. Im blessed that I fell in love with someone like you. I guess I wasnt that clueless enough to not recognize the greatest gift high school could ever give me: the best boyfriend, YOU.

As Ive mentioned earlier, youre such a big part of my life, of ME and contrary to what I MAKE you and others see, I cant brush you off that easily. I wont forget you. That much I know. I just wish that it didnt have to end this way.

We couldve remained being friends but you said it yourself, this is becoming a vicious cycle. And for every complete turn, we both get hurt more and more. So Im stopping this. Right here and right now. Im tired. And Im sure you are too. We have great memories of each other, let us not spoil that.

In closing, I just want what is best for you. I know youve heard this a lot of times from me already but I just really want you to be happy. I know in my heart that though we are happy together, we could be happier. Im not meant for you, anymore than you are meant for me. Yes, Im not sure about that. Ten years from now my heart might realize how we are made for each other. But ten years or ten months or ten weeks or ten days or ten minutes or even ten seconds from now ISNT NOW because right now my heart is telling me that were not meant to be.

Go find someone else. Someone who will make you happy, someone who will love you as you deserve to be loved. Dont settle for anything less because you deserve MUCH MORE

I know Im being really very melodramatic and theatrical. So before I irrevocably damage my self respect forever I would really have to end this. One last thing though, this is not HIS fault. Believe me I would like nothing better than to say that it is his fault but I cant. This is my decision. Im taking full responsibility.

Thank you for everything Donn. For letting go when you did. For trying to understand and for being who you are. I LOVEd you

MY SONG FOR YOU PROBABLY IN THE FUTURE

2004-02-29T23:39:00.000+08:00
If Ever You're In My Arms Again

by Regine Velasquez

It all came so easy

All the lovin' you gave me

The feelings we shared

And I still can remember

How you touched me so tender

You told me you cared

We had a once in a lifetime

But I just didn't see until it was gone

A second once in a lifetime

Maybe too much to ask but I swear from now on…

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll love you much better

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll hold you forever

This time we'll never end, ooh…ooh

Now I'm seein' clearly

How I still need you near me

I still love you so

There's something between us

That won't ever leave us

There's no letting go

We had a once in a lifetime

But I just didn't know it till my life fell apart

A second once in a lifetime

Isn't too much to ask 'cause I swear from the heart…

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll love you much better

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll hold you forever

This time we'll never end

Never end

The best of romances

Deserves second chances

I'll get to you somehow

`Cause I promise now…

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll love you much better

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll hold you forever

This time we'll never end

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll love you much better

If ever you're in my arms again

This time I'll hold you forever

This time we'll never end

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

OUR SONG FOR 12082003

2004-02-29T23:30:00.000+08:00
Let Me Be The One

by Jimmy Bondoc

Somebody told me you were leaving I didn’t know

Somebody told me you're unhappy but it doesn’t show

Somebody told me that you don't want me no more

So your walking out the door

Nobody told me you've been crying every night

Nobody told me you were dying but didn't want to fight

Nobody told me that you fell out of love for me so I’m setting you free

Let me be the one to break it up so you won't have to make excuses

We don't need to find a set up where someone wins and someone loses

We just have to say our love was true but has now become a lie

So I'm telling you I love you one last time and goodbye

Somebody told me you still love me i don't know why

Nobody told me that you only needed time to fly

Somebody told me that you want to come back when our love is real again

Let me be the one to break it up so you won't have to make excuses

We don't need to find a set up where someone wins and someone loses

We just have to say our love was true but has now become a lie

So I'm telling you I love you one last time and goodbye

Just turn around and walk away we don't have to live like this. No, no

But if we know we can still then stay don't keep me waiting for that final kiss

We could work together through this test

Or We could work through it apart

I just need to get this out of my chest

that you will always have my heart

Let me be the one

Let me be the one to break it up so you won't have to make excuses

We don't need to find a set up where someone wins and someone loses

We just have to say our love was true

But has now become a lie.

So I'm telling you I love you one last time and

Goodbye…

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

BEFORE THE LAST THERE WAS...

2004-02-29T10:27:00.000+08:00
SECOND TO THE LAST (",) Since its the last day of the month, Im supposed to post my final message to you today. Well, I would and Ive actually finished it but Im posting it minutes shy of midnight. The purpose?! So no one can actually read it because it would be archived. If my thoughts on how archiving works is correct, no one will be able to read the entry. Except of course the very nosy few who will actually go to the length of accessing the archive section just so they would know what I wrote. (Ahem!)

Oh well…I have to go now. Im about to send you the testimonial I made months ago. But Im not really sure if I should go through with it. You might misinterpret my actions or something. Seeing how close we are nowadays. But you have to know that my purpose for sending you this testimonial is because (technically) youre (still) my friend. Though we arent talking to each other and are avoiding each other like plagues in school, I believe that friendships dont end, at least not really. Besides, we were good friends even before this thing happened right. If the love couldnt survive at least try to salvage the friendship, thats how it was suppose to be. But we were never really ones who follow the conventional rules, do we. And if you must know, I have been meaning to send you this months ago, I just couldnt seem to find the right time or opportunity. But now it is different. Time is against me, I promised that this would all end this month so Im ending all my duties and obligations to you. Im really sorry it had to end this way. If only…

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

DIGNITY IN GIVING UP

2004-02-27T00:12:00.000+08:00
There is dignity in not giving up on someone you truly love. But there is more dignity in letting them go so they can experience better love. That shows your true love because you then become unselfish and through putting others first, unconditional love grows.

There is respect in fighting gallantly to win someones heart another time. But an even greater respect comes from fighting hard and knowing when to stop. Even though you would give anything to have the past back, that person has touched your life in a way that will make your future so much brighter.

Accept that, and hold your head high knowing you have captured their heart as well.

There is courage in allowing your heart to hurt and grieve but there is greater courage in knowing it will be scarred but stronger as time goes on. For whoever caused those scars has made your life better in some way And it will make you a better person when you marry Because of what the scars taught you.

Losing the person who meant the most in your life is a humbling experience, yet it is even more humbling if you allow it to run your life. And forsake all you have been blessed with when you feel like you have lost your world.

Remember how many people depend on you and who you are the world to. There is fortitude in holding on for another chance although an even greater fortitude comes from extending your hand and heart in friendship, realizing you will still share things with that person No one else ever will.

You will always have the looks and jokes and memories. Dont ever discount how special those things are in your heart and theirs. True love hurts when it is lost but an even greater love grows inside you through realization that something better is in the world for both of you.

And that there are still things to share with that person, even though some feelings may have changed. Take their hand and help them achieve their hopes and dreams Because in that there is dignity, respect, courage, humility, fortitude, And the unconditional love that will continue to grow in both of your hearts.

I got this on the internet and it will also be posted on the Roentgen board in M41. Hope you liked it. It just struck me the first time I read it. It actually reminded me of you. I wonder if youll notice? Hmm... youve always been perceptive so I guess you would...oh well, I don't really mind if you do. That's it for now. This is me signing off...

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldnt be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

GENERAL DISCLAIMER

2004-02-26T23:54:00.000+08:00
Okay, Last Monday I have decided to dedicate the remaining blog entries for the month of February to HIM my, (dare I say it? Oh heck, why not) high school sweetheart?!? (Okay that was weird so lets just refer to him as, well…HIM) hmmm… so anyway, if you have noticed, and Im sure you have. I have been writing about him these past few days. Yes, he is the same guy as in my earlier entries dated Feb 21 - 24. The song is even dedicated to him (separated). I guess it is just but fitting to end this debacle the same month it started two years ago. Yup! Your eyes arent fooling you; it was TWO years ago that this fiasco has started. And now after 24 months and more or less 8 days of ups and downs, twists and turns, laughter and tears, love and anger, it is time to stop this roller coaster ride (and my gosh, it was one heck of a ride!).

But before I start dredging up the past, you (readers) have to understand that I am not doing this to hurt him or anybody. After all, this is MY blog. You arent even suppose to be reading this, so consider this as a general disclaimer (man, I am reading way too much fan fictions).

If you are his friend and you couldnt keep your mouth shut turn away NOW! And dont EVER come back! I am planning to talk to him personally about this and I have NO intention of letting him find out about this from anyone other than me. We have always been pretty much open about our feelings to each other and I have no intention of stopping now. This is between the two of us. If you really care, then let us settle this on our own. The last thing we need right now is for someone to stick their nose into somewhere it doesnt belong. Just be there to support him and offer comfort but PLEASE do NOT meddle. I am sorry if Im coming on too strong but the truth is, we both deserve our privacy. And he deserves to hear this from ME, NOT YOU or anyone else you may have talked to. This also goes out to the people who dont know him but knows someone who do. As far as I know, I have never been the reason to start the rumors mills of MaSci go and I dont intend to do so now. So please! I am begging you! Keep this to yourself! Thank you! Next,

I dont hate him. He is not a bad person. He is not the villain in this story. If there is one, it should be me. He did not do anything wrong other than fall for the wrong girl and give her (as undeserving as she is) his whole heart. I am not doing this to scorn him, I am doing this because if I dont I will implode. You have to understand that these are spur of the moment kind of things. How I feel at that instance greatly affect my writing and my opinion about that person. In short, I can at one moment make a person something short of a God and the next the lowliest and most pathetic creature to ever crawl on the face of the Earth. So, dont base your feelings or perceptions about that individual (provided you guess who he or she is) based on my writing. It would be really unfair to them.

Starting now until Feb 29 all my entries would be addressed to him. Call it a practice for the time when I really talk to him personally. I have never been good at confrontations that is why I have always avoided them, so I need all the help and practice that I could get. Well that is just about it for now. Till next time…these are the days of my life…

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldn't be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

SEPARATED

2004-02-23T22:54:00.000+08:00
by Usher

If love was a bird then we wouldnt have wings

If love was the sky wed be blue

If love was a choir you and I could never sing

Cos love isnt for me and you

If love was an Oscar you and I could never win

Cos we could never act out our parts

If love is the Bible then we are lost in sin

Cos its not in our hearts

CHORUS:

So why dont you go your way

And Ill go mine

Live your life

And Ill live mine

Baby youll do well

And Ill be fine

Cos were better off

Separated

If love was a fire then we have lost the spark

Love never felt so cold

If love was a light then were lost in the dark

Left with no-one to hold

If love was a sport were not on the same team

And you and I are destined to lose

If love was an ocean then we are just a stream

Cos love isnt for me and you

CHORUS

Girl I know we had some good times

Its sad but now we gotta say goodbye

Girl you know I love you I cant deny

Cant say we didnt try to make it work for you and I

I know it hurts so much but its best for us

Somewhere along this winding road we lost the trust

So Ill walk away so you dont have to see me cry

Its killing me so, why dont you go

So why dont you go your way

And Ill go mine (yeah)

Live your life (ooh)

And Ill live mine (Ill live mine)

Baby youll do well

And Ill be fine

Cos were better off

So much better off

Go your way (go your way) And Ill go mine (Ill go mine)

Live your life (live your life) And Ill live mine (yeah yeah

Baby youll do well (oh-oh) And Ill be fine Cos were better off So much better off So much better off...

Separated

Im sorry we didnt make it...

If you can choose the one you love then it wouldnt be FALLING in love it would be JUMPING in it.

TIRED

2004-02-22T15:14:00.000+08:00
I am tired. The past three days have been very tiring indeed. Lets start off with

February 19, Thursday : FUTURES SIGNED, CONFIRMED AND POSTED

2004-02-22T15:08:00.000+08:00
While we were minding our own business having a perfectly not-so-typical Thursday afternoon because of the practice for the upcoming JS Prom which will be held the next day, pandemonium happened. Rumors started to go around that the results of the UPCAT were already released. To say that people panicked and started going crazy is an understatement. You see Ms. CJ (the prom coordinator a.k.a the witch with a capital B), my other batch mates and I couldnt just lift our minds off the fact that our future will be determined that day: signed, confirmed and posted. So forgive us if we seem to have left our brains at home. We were all worried. We couldnt even concentrate on a different topic aside from the UPCAT, much less walk and follow the stupid pattern you want us to follow. Actually, in all honesty, I could say that I wasnt really that affected when I first heard the news. I mean, so what?! I have already passed in two colleges both of which I like. And I didnt really want to go to UP. So I was fine, that is until people started crying and circle of friends were seen all huddled in their own corner trying to console each other. That was when the gravity of the situation hit me. Im going to be a hypocrite if I say that I didn’t want to pass. I mean, hello! However you look at it thats still UP. Passing would be a trophy in itself, an achievement that a lot covet but only a chosen few get. Of course I wanted to pass but I guess failing is also a blessing. If I passed then it would automatically mean that Im going to have to study there and frankly though I liked the school my course was all wrong. Now I have the chance to study at the school that I want with the course I want, Ateneo Law. All those who know me know how much I believe in signs. I really do believe that God speaks to us through signs or its his way of nudging us to the path that he wants. So, all things considered, it was pretty easy for me to accept that I failed because I noticed that I passed all the entrance test that accepted me in the Political Science course. I may just be deluding myself into thinking that God wants me to become a lawyer but that is what this tells me. This may be a purely coincidental event for you but I believe this happened because its Gods will. Then again, it may also just be my way of consoling myself from the fact that I failed two entrance test. Oh well, whats done is done.

failure is part of growing up, deal with it

February 20, Friday: PROM

2004-02-22T14:45:00.000+08:00
Well the day started out fine. Though it was a bit cloudy outside, the day was really good. The school didnt suck that bad, it actually looked decent. But I still stand by my opinion that they should NOT have put up those cardboard castle thingies. Im sorry. Im sure people put a lot of effort in it but it was really ridiculous, in my opinion. So anyway, I guess that night I resembled a pretty decent human being. People couldnt even recognize me, heck, I had a hard time recognizing ME! The food was good. The announcer reminded me of the bingo announcer in Megamall, but most of the people said he was probably the announcer in Starcitys Aliw Theater (prinses op da mon! starring miss leeeza makuha! ) The band was cool (Second Passage?!) they are great for a club scene or something because most of the songs were fast ones and they were able to pull it off but I mean, it was the prom! Youre supposed to dance slow songs and make teachers nervous by dancing waaay tooo close! Not because theyre afraid youll hurt yourself by headbanging and jumping too much! Sheesh! Anyway, I think they were great, they just tend to ruin the mood once in a while. The prom was actually good but the ending of the night absolutely sucked that it needs a separate entry!

February 21, Saturday: THE LONGEST RIDE HOME

2004-02-22T14:30:00.000+08:00
Have you ever noticed how crazier time is than fate? I mean, you cant predict what will happen to you. They say fate plays tricks on people but dont you see that sometimes time is even worse. It can speed up or wind down, each second lasting an eternity, depending on how you DON”T want it to act?! When you want to just bask in the moment and stay forever in that instance time flies, it goes by quickly and you wonder if that thing really happened or if its just your imagination playing tricks on you. But lo and behold when you want the dilemma to end as quickly as possible, when you want to get out of that situation as quickly as humanly possible, time stops. It drags on and on and on…you get the point.

Do you know that from Masci to our house you will pass by more than 220 streetlights if you take the Ayala route? I counted. Do you know that stoplights in Makati all look exactly the same? I checked. Do you know that youll know the minute you crossed the border between Makati and Pasig by looking at the street post because Makati street post have this big “B” in their base while Pasig has “E” in them? I noticed. And do you realize that youll notice a lot of things outside the car if you dont want to face what is happening or in my case not happening inside it? I know. They say silence can mean more than spoken words, its true. If the other person doesnt want to talk to you it could mean:

A. Hes sorry

B. Hes angry

C. Hes as uncopmfortable as you

D. He just doesnt care or

E. All Of the above.

So which is it? A, B, C, D or E? Well, good luck in trying to figure it out because I wont. I am tired of all of this. I am tired of second guessing. I am tired of feeling guilty for every damn time that he gets hurt. I am tired of always looking behind my shoulder wondering if hell be offended or whatever by my actions. I am tired. I am finished. For mans sake (cant do blasphemy) hes not even my boyfriend, at least not anymore (which might I add, was not my decision). He acts more than a jealous boyfriend, while he was the one who broke up with me!!! Who gave him the right to check up on me? Who told him to still love me? Who said it was his “duty” to “protect” me from the guy who broke my heart? No one! It was his decision! So can someone please explain to my why the heck is he going around as if he was the victim here?! Why do I always have to look out for him, for his feelings? What about me?! When can I start looking out for ME and MY feelings?! Its not that I dont appreciate the love and the care that he has given me. I do. Heaven knows I do. But please! Im dying from suffocation here.

You said you have changed so I should give you a second chance…well…its good that you have but I cant give you what you want. Because though it may be true that you have changed, I havent! I cant handle a relationship with you, you of all people should know that. Yes, I admit, though you broke up with me I gave up on us long before you did, you just made it official. But we have tried, havent we? I tried me best, WE tried our best, but it still didnt work out. It wasnt ENOUGH. So please, just give up! Move on! For both our sakes!

PLEASE!

EPIPHANY

2004-02-13T20:10:00.000+08:00
Out of the night that covers me

Black as a pit from pole to pole

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced, nor cried aloud

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and fear

Looms but the horror of the shade

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me unafraid

It matters not how straight the gate

How charged with punishments my scroll

I am the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul

-INVICTUS

by William Ernest Henly

I have come to the conclusion that I am a SHEEP.

I simply care too much about what other people think of me that it comes (take note: present tense) to a point that I ignore my better judgement and I actually believe them.

From the very beggining I wasnt one to ooze with self confidence. at best, I get intimidated easily but actually I more often than not (for the lack of a better term) get "bullied". I dont put up much of a fight especially with matters or arguments concerning my appearance, physically or otherwise. If at some point or another, I give off the feeling that I dont give a damn about what others think, think again. Its probably all just an act. Lets just say im a good actress, too good in fact that sometimes even I fool myself. But just like every actor after all the stage lights are turned off, I slip off the role and reality fights back. HARD .

Its a cliche, I know but I am slowly dying inside. Little by little my self esteem or the lack of thereof is slipping father and farther away from my grasp. I am loosing myself! And for what?!Nothing. No one.

Just because some people cant accept the fact that I grew a backbone and that I wont be at their beck and call nor will I always be there like a puppy eager to please them anymore, doesnt mean that I should think that my CHANGE is something bad!!!

After years of stupidity and cowardice I, Rizsa Rose Silang Baer, have finally come to my senses. I refuse to be a sheep. I think its time for me to go out there and show my detractors (i have been watching waaay too much election related news) that i am ME that from now on I will not subject myself to their strict and very confirming standards. i run my own ship (no pun intended). I will be more assertive and I will try to salvage whatever is left of my shreded self-respect.

This is me, and you have just witnessed my epiphany

Frustration

2004-02-08T08:35:00.000+08:00
Ive been going over my posts that is now posted because i yet again changed my template. The template i will be really using is currently under construction, thanks to a very talented, magnificent and incredibly gifted writer, my friend LEO GLENN GONZALES!!! Sheesh...i cant really write...i dunno why...maybe its because 1. my muse is evading me (if i ever have one) 2. due to the said failure of my created blog template, i cant find any motivation or 3. i plainly suck as a writer oh well.... my day (as you can guess) already sucks as it is. I wont ruin it for you too... till later....

TRIP....

2004-02-07T21:14:00.000+08:00
my blog is still down.... my mom made up this rule about weekday surfing.... this entry sucks.... i'm going now... i'm gone.

BADMINTONS OF SPORT

2004-02-02T23:06:00.000+08:00
Nope. That is not a typographical error. The title of this entry really is Badmintons of sport . As in, BAD-Me-IN-TONs of Sport.

Lets put into good use the newly bought fresh from the oven WEBSTERS UNIVERSAL DICTIONARY AND THESAURUS (2002 ed) that my mom just gave me (before I shelf it for life), shall we…

Intrams (Intramural)

What Webster says:

adj. (education) within an institution or organization

What it means for me:

n. the time where I more often than not realize how much sports doesnt like me and wish that I could also do what athletes do.

It simply means:

n. an occasion to scream yourself hoarse cheering either for good looking players or to fulfill your obligation to your classmates to show team spirit.

Badminton

What Webster says:

n. a court game for two or four players played with light rackets and shuttlecock volleyed over a net.

What it means for me:

n. a game I have to play to get a grade in PE.

It simply means:

n. the game to play if you cant volley a real ball with your hands.

Friday

What Webster says:

n. the sixth day of the week.

What it means for me:

n. judgement day and/ or the day that I will loose whatever iota of self respect I have.

It simply means:

n. the time that Mascians will see and realize why I dont do sports.

End

What Webster says:

n. DEATH or DESTRUCTION; the place where a thing stops.

adj. final or ultimate

What it means for me:

n. my reputations death or destruction; the place where my hopes for an athletic career stops.

Adj. my final or ultimate embarrassment

It simply means:

The END .

The Award Goes To...

2004-02-01T17:18:00.000+08:00
ME?! oh God! i actually did it! ME?! Rizsa the girl-who-cant-even-type-properly actually finished a blog!!!!

*** walks to the stage with mouth hanging open. receives the award and with teary eyes says to the people..***

I want to thank God for giving me a brain (or at least something that resembles it) without it this wouldnt have been possible, for giving me supportive parents who brought me to life, for the people behind blogskins.com that helps people like me (e.g computer illiterate, technophobes or just plainly dumb people), the person or team who made Microsoft FrontPage, for Josef Harry Plata who showed me how to use it, for Leo Glenn Gonzales who made me jealous and therefore inspired me to actually DO something, for Vincent Paul Roquillo who introduced me to the world of blogs and of course for the people who have nothing else better to do than to read other peoples thoughts! Thank You Lord!

AMEN

2004-02-01T00:30:00.000+08:00
blog skins galore i still don't know how the heck i'm going to make this blog "presentable" enough. no thanks for my lack of interest in html codes and whatnots in Ms. Pangilinan's class (aka 3rd year computer science) i have no idea as to how i'm going to fix this. oh well if all else fails there are always my classmates and LEO!!!!! (ahem!ahem!) this is my first shot at this so i would really appreciate it if i could at least not suck that much! oh well... the world wasn't built in one day...does that mean i get a week?! OH SH*T!

2004-01-30T21:14:00.000+08:00
Wow! I'm nervous! This is the first time i've actually done this so i really don't know how i should go about posting...all i know is I'm turning eighteen barely 4 months from now and i think it's high time that people or at least i express the real me.